Aspie dating success stories

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^That is the hard & challenging part!! !

How to maintain a relationship or marriage once it is created

I didn't make this tread gender specific. Also please don't speak on my behalf or put words in my mouth.

Ah yes I remember those days of being a desperate young dateless male, thankfully those days are over now I'm just a somewhat young datless male hahaha.

All joking aside, it is excruciatingly painful to be a 19 year old aspie male with the emotional maturity of a child and the sex drive of a man. I know I was one of them.

Last edited by Cornflake on 29 Sep 2024, 9:25 am, edited 1 time in total.: Removed offensive commentary

Don't you think if these young dateless single men wanted normal conversations with anyone (male, female or other) they wouldn't be posting in singles section of WP or in L&D section of WP?

It's not the easiest thing in the world when you are craving female attention to simply walk up and start a conversation with an attractive female and pretend you don't have "feelings".

10-4

*sigh*

It’s remarkable how you consistently miss my point. Before dating women, you need to be able to have normal conversations with them first which would involve viewing them as fellow humans, not as “the other” or as some entity that’s not quite human as some of y’all seem to. As I’ve said before, going from not interacting with women to dating them/having a meaningful relationship with them is unlikely, especially if toxic attitudes and beliefs are involved because women tend to notice such things and find them off-putting, just as many folks find other forms of prejudice off-putting. In addition to the intrinsic value of friendship which should go without saying, normal conversations with female friends (etc.) could help counteract harmful nonsense - like the tendency of viewing women as “the other.” Such friendships can also give one insights related to L&D through hearing about experiences, preferences, dislikes, etc. You can also ask them for advice. Been there, done that but with guy friends.

Friends sometimes can introduce you to someone, so widening one’s circle could be helpful for that reason. On a personal note, I typically only date people I was already friends with. One of the best relationships I had involved someone I met through a guy friend. We briefly became friends and then started dating. Yeah, that’s not the only way of doing things, but as someone with PTSD, that’s what I’m most comfortable with. Sometimes a friend can develop feelings for the other which are not reciprocated, but overall, forming friendships with the preferred gender can be really beneficial. It’s been very important to me personally.


I don’t think it’s usually a good idea to approach random women one doesn’t know just because one is “craving female attention.”

As far as more natural settings/scenarios are concerned, you don’t really need to make this about gender, either, because women often experience the same feelings of anxiety as some men do when they’re meeting someone new. I never claimed that it would be easy because it certainly isn’t for me. I think it’s okay to seem nervous as long as one can behave decently and treat the other person with care and respect.

i don't even see the point in making threads like these anymore because it always turns into a massive debate

You are forgetting we are dealing with a significant segment of the single male population who don't get an opportunity to meet, let alone talk to dateable females. I'll repeat my point. when you are in this category then approaching a woman who is potentially "dateable" is in itself a challenge (let alone trying to start a normal conversation without seeming weird or a creep). Second, these are aspie males who often have other added burdens which add to the level of difficulty. Other aspies have limited success and manage to be able to meet women but not have the courage to approach them. Others get to dating but get ghosted after 1-2 dates. Others manage one night stands (a few may like to keep things this way). And finally you have those who find a partner and these are success stories.

Sure! if you are an aspie male who is reasonable looking, confident and capable of "passing" as nuerotypical then they have friendship groups, join clubs, church groups and mix with women in normal ways and become friends first. It's not rocket science. the very first dating club I joined back in the early 1990s (when I was desperate and single) was called "Friends first" and surprise surprise! the dating coach who ran the program (who happened to be female) gave exactly the same advice you are now putting forward. Yes I know, healthiest thing to do is make friends first. the problem is...and they don't tell you this...once you have female friends, its really really hard to get out of the friend zone.

Yeah, in my experience this never happens. You gotta do the leg work yourself. Single females never try and set you up with one of their friends when you are their friend. I won't get into the reasons as I will likely get cancelled.

I'll tell you a funny story. My younger sister had lots of female friends. My parents asked her to introduce them to me and my brother when we were dateless highschoolers as they knew both of us never went to the school dance. It was also a lazy way my parents pretended to be involved with my brother in terms of our social development (in reality they didn't care). My sister said "no way", she said we were losers and she hated the idea somebody she knew would be interested in one of us. As it turns out her best friend did have the hots for me but my sister blocked her interest (great job sis ). She had the audicity to tell me years later when she thought I would not mind knowing.

They have opportunities to meet and talk to women on here which is largely what this off-topic discussion has been about. As Isabella alluded to earlier in the thread, female input and experiences are often dismissed and ignored here which isn’t cool. Obviously, not all members engage in that behavior, but it’s still too many. Overall, I think it’s better than it used to be due to fewer members and excellent modding, but there are times when folks could be a bit more inclusive because these discussions are applicable to everyone. Having to explain that in every damn thread gets tiresome which leads to fewer women posters and even fewer female members. On top of that, some members continue post sexist posts and threads. They are removed, but it doesn’t hinder them from posting the same or similar s**t a different day. Obviously, I report when it’s appropriate to do so, but once again, that gets very wearisome to women who would like to use this forum.

Just because they never tried to set you up doesn’t mean that they never do it. It’s usually a good idea to avoid generalizations like that, especially when it concerns a demographic you don’t belong to. Isabella and I have talked about setting someone up here (I’m not saying who), but we couldn’t think of anyone suitable.

Ok I am skirting cancellation here but females (on average) are much more socially skilled than their male counterparts and not as intoxicated by hormones when speaking to a guy compared to the other way around.

I think most men eventually overcome all the challenges and have (at least temporarily before divorce) a happy ever after. But the number of males and females staying single is rising. Based on research, these single "leftover" females are much much happier than their counterpart single males. I suspect females manage being single > males. But anyway I will stop there before I get hung, drawn and quartered.

I am not dismissing female members experiences. I am balancing them with mine in my journey as a male.

Sharing experiences is fine. It’s just a good idea to avoid generalizing based off of your experience. Anyway, I wasn’t merely talking about friends setting friends up. Meeting people through friends isn’t unusual. Sometimes that could lead to finding someone. That was my main point.

Sure, as a male you have to try all avenues and I agree making friends is the healthiest way to achieve lifelong partners. Overall if anyone is reading our posts they can triangulate your advice and mine and choose a balance of what works best.

Ok I will try to minimise not orthogonally invalidating posts when posting my experiences.