Female false red flag signals

Post Reply New Topic

I think autistics suffer from several problems compared to NT's when it comes to this. They're just more likely to spook women because social norms are more difficult for then to understand.

Recognising and addressing the problems with be more difficult for them too obviously and each person has their own creep-dar criteria. Some can have it set very high, perhaps too high where it causes them problems, other might have it set so low that just run of the mill introverts are caught in their net which turns results in bullying.

Unless we’re talking about obviously poor behavior, we do have different ideas about what is or isn’t acceptable.

If a person has a pattern of making women uncomfortable, though, they are most likely engaging in concerning behavior. It’s prudent to figure out what they’re doing wrong and work on it because women aren’t going to stop feeling uncomfortable just because someone is neurodivergent, especially since, as with other demographics, attitudes, behavior, and intention run the gamut. Sure, some people can be overly sensitive, but that’s the exception rather than the rule.

Sometimes the problem and solution are straightforward. Social skills are something most of us have needed to work on, but most can learn not to stare, follow people around/engage in stalking behavior, overstep boundaries, etc. Faux pas certainly happen and to most of us at one point or another, but this isn’t really about that. It appears to be about consistent problems over a long period of time involving multiple women. In order to make changes, folks need to recognize that there’s a problem and stop blaming other people.

I think getting feedback from friends and such could be especially useful when it comes to this stuff because they might have an idea of what one is doing wrong specifically. Sometimes women make it clear as well.

After reading the suggestion that women get "spooked" due to simple minor social gaffes and an over-sensitive "creep-dar", I can only conclude that some of y'all live in the land of cartoons...

Autism seems to be a very heavily stigmatised disorder, especially adults experiencing it. Autistic adults and "False red flags" probably are a thing and probably happen often. Autistm in adults is seen as a lesser form of mental retardation by a heafty chuck society Iike this study proves. and a lot of autistics don't even need any studies to be well aware of this.

Obviously autistic adults can and do make awkward social fux passes regularly but again, a lot of these are innocent and not as hostile as you like to claim.

Why do you universally have such a black and white, oversimplified view on autistic men in particular?

Whether a person is neurodivergent or not, a lot of “faux pas” are not innocent or free from hostility as antisocial behavior on this very forum has demonstrated over the years. If people have creeped out various individuals, their behavior is almost certainly the problem, even if there was no ill intent, and it needs to be adjusted accordingly if they want future success. Blaming women for having “false red flags” rather than take accountability for consistent issues in this regard is also a red flag because it makes it seem as though they don’t care how women feel or how their behavior made women feel.

Yes, we all commit the occasional faux pas in social situations, but I don’t think that is what this thread is about. Looking back at the OP, it’s also not about how one or two women overreacted in a given scenario; it was a generalized statement about women overanalyzing behavior because, apparently, everyone else is the problem. Right…

If a person makes us uncomfortable, there’s nothing wrong with saying “no thanks” and finding someone more suitable. I don’t have different expectations for behavior when it comes to neurodivergent folks. Like a lot of women, I find social awkwardness charming. The problem is more about stuff I’ve already detailed in this thread. Over the years here, I’ve often noticed a resistance to even working on some of those behaviors - behaviors that border on sexual harassment.

A lot of that aren't innocent and a lot of them are.

I think a lot of people here are oversimplifying. Many times the autistic folk are to blame, many times it can also come down to prejudice of some sort too. Sometimes, people just take an instant dislike to an autistic irrespective of how they behave by nature of autism being heavily stigmatised.

Being one persons fault or the other without any nuanced thought doesn't really identify the problem.

If you read my posts carefully, you’ll see that I’m not oversimplifying at all. Whether someone’s behavior is ill-intentioned or not, it can still make someone uncomfortable.

Most often, people don’t know whether someone is autistic or not. It typically comes down to behavior. If people want to achieve different results, they need to work on their behavior because women aren’t going to stop being uncomfortable by stuff that makes them uncomfortable. Taking accountability and making adjustments rather than blaming others is prudent, especially since being autistic doesn’t mean that one is necessarily a good person. Autism isn’t a good excuse for concerning/poor behavior.

It is usually pretty easy to tell if someone is autistic or not. Body language and how they interact are signs people pick up on.

It comes down to patterns of behavour. If someone has a history of being a nuisance and being really off-putting then clearly that's their fault. People can also have a long history of being unsavory for no reason to people they perceive as different too though. Just a run of the mill bully so to speak. There are plenty of both these types of people in the world. I've seen both many times myself.

If people have a long history of creeping women out, which is what this thread is really about, they are doing something wrong and need to work on it. There are overly sensitive people out there and the occasional bully, but they are the exception rather than the rule.

Most folks don’t know that much about autism and aren’t creeped out by individuals because they believe they are autistic. It’s more about poor behavior and how that behavior makes them feel rather than differences or a little social awkwardness.

I’ve seen people use autism as an excuse for poor behavior, to avoid making necessary changes, and to stigmatize women which just serves to further harmful stereotypes. Most don’t behave that way (or even creep women out for that matter), but it still happens from time to time here. Some of the less savory characters participated in these threads a lot in the past. There was nothing like receiving a sexual PM from a pervert and then for him to whine about women being too sensitive in threads. He got a lot of support, too, because people didn’t know about the behavior he was engaging in. That sort of thing has happened a lot around these parts. Obviously, people often just want to rant, but it might be useful to start a thread requesting feedback/advice on this topic, especially if it’s been a habitual problem they’ve struggled with.

^THIS^, for the win!

All they care about is their own feelings, and no one else’s.

Yet they simply cannot see that the single most common factor in all their failed attempts to form relationships is themselves.

A guy can be labelled as being a creep by a woman, simply because a woman doesn't like the man, for whatever reason.

Political differences, interpersonal strife, poor judgment, malicious intent and so on can all come into play when a woman labels a man a creep, even when a man hasn't done anything particularly creepy.

Labelling someone a creep is often used as a tool by women to socially demean a man, in the same way that men might demean women by calling them a slag (someone who sleeps around) or accusing a woman of being crazy, and other such slurs.

Calling someone a creep can be used as a shaming tactic, even when there is little basis for the target being called a creep.

Having said all of that, there are obviously genuinely creepy men that do exist, and those men deserve to be labelled as creeps.

This appears to be the case most of the times. Generally, both autistic men and women often struggle with finding partners and if someone is persistently single, never able to form any intimate bonds, be it for a relationship or even a one nighter, they might genuinely be creeping out potential partners. I've seem some creepy autistic men and some creepy autistic women who are emotionally insecure, hostile, generally creepy or always looking for arguments.

Something I’ve noticed a lot: people don’t always realize that their creepy behavior was creepy. Instead of being open to the possibility that they’ve legitimately made someone uncomfortable for valid reasons, it’s typically easier and nicer for the ego to be dismissive and blame the other person. Obviously, someone could be too sensitive or whatever else, but one’s own behavior may be worth considering and adjusting, especially if they’ve made others uncomfortable for similar reasons/under similar circumstances. This thread isn’t about one or two overly sensitive people but a pattern of making women uncomfortable. Different behavior may yield different results.

My late brother was good looking, articulate, erudite, clean and smart, sociable and popular and never had a problem with getting a girlfriend and could by no means be described as creepy however he was an absolute sociopath once her got what he wanted

Ive watched him destroy women who he was in relationships with and there would have been very little red flaggishness for these women to pick up on when they met him

I'm the creepy one in the family and I'm female

Seriously I completely get why someone in a pub or somewhere public who is behaving a bit strange might be off putting to some women but it doesn't always mean that the person exhibiting such behaviour is going to cause you any harm

If I'm getting bothered by a guy in a bar and he starts to annoy me it's usually because his drunk (I don't class this as a red flag) and I would normally just ask him to go away

All those qualifiers like "probably" and "seems"... makes it seem like you're probably trying to sell a narrative.

Also that's not even what that study is about. Nice try tho



Everyone makes innocent mistakes. But innocent mistakes can still cause harm. If I turn around with a ladder and crack you in the head with it, the accidental nature of the event doesn't change the fact that I caused harm, and that I personally should be more careful in the future - as opposed to blaming the person I hit.

Even innocent mistakes can be severe - if I accidentally whack you in the head with a ladder, and kill you, I still killed someone. The accidental nature of the event doesn't absolve me of my part in things. And if I still continue to spin around really fast with ladders, is it my fault for spinning ladders too fast? Or is it everyone else's fault for not dodging my ladder better? It sounds a bit like cartoon world again...



I was just flailing my arms and legs like a lunatic, it's YOUR fault for walking into them!



I don't And if you want me to take your silly claim seriously, you'd have to at least elaborate a bit as to how exactly my opinion earns these qualifiers.

For example, the fact that you seem to believe that autistic men just don't have social skills, while other people just do, would be an example of black / white thinking - taking all questionable behaviors and reducing them all to minor irrelevant social gaffes is an oversimplification - and the belief that these "overreactions" to "innocent" behaviors does seem to get universally applied to both autistic men as an excuse, and towards women in general, as blame.

See? Now your turn.

Autistic men do make plenty of mistakes, some of them can be utterly obnoxious that they ought to know better.

But again, you take absolutely zero consideration of the bigger picture.

The man could indeed be acting like a complete idiot, there might also however be bullying or discrimination involved as can often be the case with autism.