Religion and Relationships

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I am a Christian because I believe that Jesus died for my sins. Also if I don't believe in him, I will go to hell.

As for what denomination, I am a Lutheran. Lutheranism is one of the more liberal, non-judgmental Christian sects--therefore, I live very secularly. Sexuality is also an issue with me. I don't think I can abstain from sex until marriage--my last girlfriend and I broke up because she wanted to abstain, and she wanted to wait 5 years before getting married

But finding a romantic partner who is female, Aspie, Christian, and likes animated sitcoms (particularly the Simpsons and South Park) as much as I do is going to be impossible.

Last edited by Tim_Tex on 12 Aug 2008, 6:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Just a question: if she would for example be a huge south park/simpsons fan and you get along totally well but she happens to not share your religious views... would this be really something that would not be overcome? I am not religious myself but apart from one, all girls I was in love with were either christian or Muslim. In the end, all religions teach to respect those who do not adhere the religion, so in the end doesn't this mean that it is not wrong or strange to love someone who is not sharing that religious belief? Try to see religion as a part of a personality but only a part of a bigger image. I think sharing your love for sitcoms would for example be a lot more important because spending quality time together will make one a lot more fulfilled than going to the same church together.


PS: since when do Christians write "him" without capital H?

I would leave this to your friend's own decision or choice. If he really loves her, then I see no issue in it if he thinks converting is something worth doing for her. This only means he is very serious about being with her. I would do it I think, as long as she knows it is basically playing a role to please her or her family. You cannot be forced to believe, but if the girl I like right now (who obeys Islam) would ask me to do the Ramadan and join her to a mosque, I don't see the issue with that if that makes her happy.

Also, isn't is quite normal to prefer somebody you spend your life with above your prefered deity? I mean, I would find it a bit weird if my girlfriend would say god comes at the first place. In the end, her believes normally should not interfere with her relationship, you can have both really. But isn't it normal that your partner, unless you have children, ALWAYS comes first no matter what?

I don't think anyone should give up their lifestyle with a partner, what if they break up, they would lose the partner and that lifestyle cherised as well.

I don't think starting a relationship with any partner would be that worth to give up things, especially if the relationship is informal, I would think that both would either share the same interests and beliefs, or to be tolerant with each another, and accept each other as they are, in this case, they would have some things in common but wouldn't be for the rest, the idea would be to both acomodate themselves and accept themselves, but that's an inexperienced opinion though.

If I was still religious, I would not at all be happy with my partner essentially giving lip service to my God, because while I still believed in Him I'd consider that disrespectful to Him.



Well, no.

I believe that if I date someone of another religion, I will go to hell.

I surely hope if my future girlfriend would be religious she considers our relationship as priority. I don't mind what she believes in, I will respect it regardless if it is Christianity, Islam, Judaism, whatever. But if the religion comes first, then I fear we have a problem because I would feel like there is no mutual commitment (to me, she would come first, always and anytime... I can understand her religious commitment is important, the day it stands between us because her religion becomes the most important I would find it a problem whereas dating a religious girl in principle is no issue to me at all)

PS: what has blowing a deity to do with adapting religious customs of another religion to please your partner?



I am not a specialist (being a non-religious) but as far as I know all Abrahamic religions (Christianity, Islam and Judaism) preach that the followers of the other abrahamic religions have to be dealt with the biggest respect. Which makes sense, because Islam, Christianity and Judaism are all serving the same god and have the same foundations.

So why would god punish you for loving a jewish girl or so? In the end, despite different rituals and customs, she believes in the same god as you. And as far as I know the Bible commands to love one another regardless of religious believes, or am I wrong here? How can loving your partner ever be something god would punish you for (if he really is the good deity as he is portrayed)?

Not judging you whatsoever, just trying to understand. My biblical knowledge is rather limited but as far as I know in subjects like this the abrahamic religions have similar teachings. Islam for example teaches to treat Jews and Christians as equals because their religions are having the same foundations (they are called "People of the Book" by Muslims), as far as I know Christianity also commands to love one another. Not sure about Judaism but I would be very surprised if all these religions, who share more than people would ever suspect at first sight, would condemn loving somebody just because of a religion.

Nearly everybody who has the same interests as me is either an atheist or an agnostic.

I also feel pressured to date a fellow Christian because one of my mom's cousins is an evangelical pastor (and a crooked one at that). Even though I haven't seen him or his wife in 9 years, I am worried as to how they would react if I were to be in a relationship with a non-Christian.

You see, evangelical pastors (especially in Pentecostal denominations) are known for preaching loudly, sometimes to the point of yelling. I am rather sensitive to loud noises.

The Abrahamic faiths are not as compatible as they appear at first sight.

Christianism teaches that whosoever does not believe in Jesus is condemned. The Jews reject Jesus as a messiah, and the Muslims reject Jesus as God's son. They are automatically condemned in Christian eyes, and as such are less suitable as partners.

Judaism is strongly rooted in family ties and traditions that are threatened whenever one member marries outside of the community. In some cases there is also a slight degree of paranoia about losing one's Jewishness (this exaggerated fear of extermination is understandable).

The Koran teaches that Islam is inherently superior to all other previous revelations, and that the messages of Moses and Jesus were corrupted by their respective followers. I doubt any Jew or Christian would want to marry someone who thought that their faith was a misguided misrepresentation of what God originally meant.

There are also the practical issues, which can become problematic, and perhaps more so for those on the spectrum. Some Christian churches demand payment of tithes, which some spouses may object to. Catholic and Orthodox believers make heavy use of devotional images, which for Jews and Muslims are blasphemous. Jews and Muslims routinely circumcise their sons, a very rare practice in most Christian countries (the U.S. is a weird exception). Jews reserve Saturdays for holy purposes, which may ruin your weekend plans (unless you stick your dates to Saturday nights, which should be OK) and Muslims have that pesky issue with gender roles. In some Christian sects you are expected to make some symbolic sacrifices now and then (for example, Catholics are advised to avoid beef during Lent). And Jews and Muslims have dietary regulations that in most cases are not negotiable.

Oh, what a relief to be a Buddhist.

How come there is never a "depends" answer on these polls?

I would try to ignore family issues, especially when you haven't seen them so long. My own family is also very religious on father's side of the family, but I still did not do my communion because I felt it would have been a lie ; even my father himself supported me in that while knowing his family would find it a problem that a family member was basically leaving the church behind (well, figure of speach of course, as I never was part of the church in the first place)

In the end, is your partner not more important than some uncle or cousin?

And if you meet nice girls who share your deepest passions but happen to be agnostic, my advice is: if you feel comfortable with them, go for it. If they are any serious agnostic (which means they basically don't have a specific opinion on religion and consider it not an important issue) they will respect your believes whatever religion this includes.

I am not trying to sound preaching-esque, but I would not worry about sharing the same religion, just make sure you share the same interests and have an emotional connection. Hell is basically something clergy use to scare people off, but in the end if god is really the good person/deity he is portrayed as such, then he will not know vengeance and definitely not condemn love for someone else. If god is full of vengeance or having the same tribalist attitude as a cult leader, this image would conflict with the image of the good and forgiving deity. So if you really believe that God loves you and is a good and forgiving deity, then I am sure you don't believe that he would be a god of vengeance and condemn you for simply loving a woman (regardless of her religion)?

There are a lot of different customs yeah, but in the end Jews, Muslims and Christians obey the same god and share a lot of religious documents (such as the Old Testament). Jews basically believe the messiah is still coming, while Muslims have added Muhammad as the final prophet while you could simplify it by saying the Quran is the final addition (or in Muslim eyes: completion) of existing older religious scripts used by Judaism and Christianity.

The commonness of the three religions also reflect in the many religious figures that appear in all 3 books (Bible, Quran, Torah) and by the fact that a place like Jerusalem or Sinai has a core importance in the believes of all abrahamic religions.

In the end, the religions may consider themselves the only right religion or superior, which is basically a typical thing of any religion, but most religions (and certainly the abrahamic ones) teach to be good to those of a different faith.

PS: Judaism has more marriages involving non-jews than any other major religion, due to the Jewish diaspora many many Jews lived outside of a typical Jewish enclave and thus fell in love with non-jews. Only very traditional Jews will judge this, while more secular Jews will have no issues with this usually.

Really? It doesn't say that in the Bible or the Lutheran catechism. Logically, you'd be more likely to go to hell for fornicating with a nice Christian girl than dating a non-believer.

Believing ANYTHING without having directly experienced it is pretty much just parroting what others have put in your head.

Ask yourself why you believe that when it doesn't even make any sense.

Christianity is not a sect, or at least was never supposed to be. When they compiled the bible at the Nicene council it was deliberately meant to be a "crossing" or precise mixing of all the world's religions and myths at the time. Because of this, Christianity cannot condemn other religions, it is made up of them. A true christian's motto is "The stone that the builder refused will always be the head cornerstone", meaning that if you refuse to use anything from any religion it's likely to be the one piece of the puzzle you lack in the end.

The difference between christianity and previous world religions is the same as the difference between the old and new testament. The old ways led to Ascension, the new to Resurrection. The difference is only in the mechanics of what is being done and the final result, it's not sectarian or cultural.

In the same sense, you limiting yourself to such narrow options could be keeping you from finding what you're looking for, a more successful approach might be to "look for what is right for you" without trying to define what that is. This creates a drawing function that will bring you what is right for you, though it may not be what you thought you were looking for.

I still say you're not really looking because when people really do seek something, they always find it.

Well think about what you're saying. If someone is religious, then it is their way of life. It is how they live, just like eating or sleeping or breathing. You're asking someone to prioritise you over breathing, or eating.

Well since I wasn't brought up religious, I think I would but if my partner didn't mind me being Jewish and not be religious then I'm okay with it. An example is with my friend Michelle who is a Presbyterian while I'm a Jewish-Reform.