How can anyone identify as "asexual"?

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02 Sep 2008, 3:03 pm

My two cents here, for what they may be worth. I'm a virgin, but I am certain I have a high sex drive. (It's a complicated situation, as you can imagine.) My guess is that people who include sex as an important part of their lives cannot conceive of someone who would be able to live comfortably without it at all (indeed, even I can't understand how people who have already had sex can comfortably spend a couple of months without it). Every opinion is a tacit comparison with a default assumption on how life should be. Compared to their own lives (for they have no other standard to use), sexual people see asexuals as masochistic, and therefore in need of help. It's inevitably biased. But who isn't?

n4mwd
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02 Sep 2008, 9:37 pm

As far as imagining asexuality, consider this,

Is it that hard to imagine that a gay man would not have any sexual desires for women???

Is it that hard to imagine that a straight guy would not have any sexual desires for other men??

If not, then why would it be so hard to imagine a guy with no sexual desires for either sex?

The fact that gay guys exist is proof that it IS possible for guys not to be sexually interested in women. The fact that straight guys exist is proof that it is possible for guys not to be sexually interested in men.

Think of it this way. There are two areas in our brains. One triggers sexual interest in women. The other triggers sexual interest in men. In most people, one or the other is triggered. In some people, both areas are triggered. In even fewer people, neither area is triggered.

Its a recognized sexual orientation.

QuantumToast
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03 Sep 2008, 6:55 am

n4mwd wrote:

I've tried explaining it that way before, but I think you did a better job than me...

In response to the original post, the way I look at it is along the lines of "food production's pretty essential to the human race too, but not everyone wants to be a farmer"

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Catster2
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07 Sep 2008, 8:04 am

I am asexual I went through a period for a long time of having relationships with men that went nowhere, then I thought I must be gay but it didnt seem to fit right. Asexual does I have never felt sexually attracted to anyone and am not very interested in dating or relationships. I like friendships with both men and women but thats all.

aspiartist
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07 Sep 2008, 9:54 am

I'm in my 40's and have been asexual all my life. I don't see it as a choice because if I had a choice, I would choose otherwise. I just have to wonder why it seems to be a threat to those who are oriented in more "natural" terms with regard to their sexuality.

I have always tended to think that "God" meant for me to put that kind of energy into my art and creativity since I didn't have the drive or instincts to do otherwise. I've had to accept it as such because the alternatives didn't work or operate for me the way they clearly do for others.

People though that think they are superior because they engage in sex do seem rather repulsive to me and now I think I'm more glad than anything else that I am the way I am. The powers that be made me the way I am and I have a right to be here as much as anyone else does, and feel proud about it too.

n4mwd
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18 Sep 2008, 4:01 am

It hasn't happened in many years, but it happened again last Saturday.

I am a nurse and I was in the medication room with another nurse pulling meds for patients. Then during a conversation with the other nurse, she came over and pulled up my shirt and grabbed me. She said "Its been a long time for me." Although she didn't try to kiss me as they did in the past, I can't help but think that this was a girl making a pass at me some how.

Being asexual, I just ignored it and pretended like it didn't happen. The problem was that she got progressively nasty towards me throughout the rest of the day. It seems that is a common thread when girls make advances.

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18 Sep 2008, 10:40 am

Diamond_Head wrote:

The fact remains that sexual attraction isn't a choice one can simply say yes or no to. I highly doubt anyone says "I feel like being sexually attracted to this person!" when they become physically attracted to another human being. If it was a choice, then everyone could simply turn their physical attraction to others on and off like a switch- which obviously isn't the case. People are sexually attracted to other people whether or not their feelings are reciprocated. Whether or not someone actually acts upon those feelings, individuals still feel physically attracted to each other regardless of logic or choice.

Otherwise, there would never be any such thing as unrequited love or unrequited attraction- you could simply turn your attraction to the other person off, and go on your merry way.

Quote:

I still find it bothersome, the jump from some people not wanting to have sex to a whole bunch of people, a whole population, not doing so, therefore making asexuality a problem (which seems to be the implication). Only about 1-3% of people are asexual, so the worry about everyone becoming asexual and the human race dying out is about as practical as worrying that we'll go extinct because a certain percentage of the world is gay. Just thought I'd point that out, because the point has been made a couple times now, although I think everyone, even asexual people, are aware of the fact that sex leads to more people.

You must be misunderstanding me. Let me rephrase.

The human race is obviously going to continue no matter what sexuality you identify as- that was never the topic I was putting into question. The original post in the topic never included the statement "asexuals are going to cause a population crash".

I was stating the fact that sexuality has been a gigantic and natural part of the human race since the dawn of time, and I was inquiring as to the reasons for some individuals to totally deny it.

Quote:

though i found comments like "it's because of sex that you are here" to be more amusing in their obviousness rather than bothersome

My point for being obvious was to demonstrate the fact that sexuality is the only reason you're even able to type a response to my question, whether or not you choose to identify as asexual.

Disagreement does not denote misunderstanding... just as some people have a drive to be physically active, or to read, sexuality is an issue with many contributing factors. For some, it may be the result of a development deviance or delay, a psychological response to abuse, a natural condition of being where there is not an identifiable drive or desire. You also seem to imply choice, which is not the case. I didn't choose to be tall, or to have bad joints. I don't have any ken for exercise, but I can force myself to. I would imagine that some circumstances would be in a similar vein to what someone who is asexual experiences, albeit in an entirely different scale. It does not mean there is a lack of romantic or platonic love possible, just not expressed in the manner you are most accustomed to.

M.

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LazyGamer
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19 Sep 2008, 11:11 pm

I thought I was in love once, turns out it was just gas.

Seriously, though, I have never looked at anyone and found them sexually attractive. Not a big fan of intimate contact either, and I don't ever see myself in a close relationship.

Good thing I don't want kids, either.

DiabloDave363
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21 Sep 2008, 2:47 pm

Im asexual now cause i saw the shock video "This Will Turn You Gay".

makuranososhi
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21 Sep 2008, 2:51 pm

n4mwd wrote:

My apologies for not complimenting you earlier - you did an excellent job of constructing that point of view, and I think it is the clearest explanation I've yet read on the matter.

M.

Beatlegal
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22 Sep 2008, 10:06 pm

Is it okay to be asexual? Because most people tell me it's either wrong or weird. It's not my fault most of the men in this world are stupid and perverted.

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How can anyone identify as "asexual"?