A question for all you nice guys

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My issue is not the "nice guys vs. jerks" argument.

For me, it's trying to find someone I can connect with. I have had bad experiences with NTs, so I look for other Aspies. Specifically, I look for female Aspies with the same interests, but there aren't very many who have the same interests as me.

Yet in the rare instance I try approaching a female Aspie who might not have the same interests, they're never interested, and it's probably because I don't have the same interests as them.

Complicating things further is that I am both a liberal and a Christian. Liberals don't like me because I'm a Christian, and Christians don't like me because I'm a liberal. And the fact that I adhere to the traditional dating customs and want to eventually start a family is something that I fear is a turn-off to people.

Sounds like a dilly of a pickle.

Well, good luck then. Too bad I don't like animated sit coms much and I'm neither Christian nor liberal.

Guess, you're right, I'd probably not find you too interesting.

I have only within the past week opened up to people who may not have the exact same interests as me. As for the Christian/liberal thing, my issue is that some people seem to take an "all or nothing" approach in life. Nothing is ever textbook.

Ummm... Forgive for saying this but....not opening up to people outside your interest group is well, stupid and reclusive. Not to mention completely impractical. But it's good to know you've taken more of an interest at opening up.

Sometimes it's not that easy.

I spent 8 years in the relationship from Hell. I tried breaking up on at least 9 occasions, none of which worked. I wanted out, and in the worst way. Fights, being commanded, tears upon tears, bushels of flowers (I asked FTD once if there was an 'Im sorry' bouquet...and there is...). thousands of hours on the phone all night, it was getting to me. Yeah, now it's easy to say get a restraining order, but if you have someone who can play you emotionally, then you get pretty frustrated.

I spent a year and a half getting her to go to New York to get her out of the way, then found someone else.

If there is a Hell, I'll probably burn for this alone. It has been the worst betrayal to someone in my life. I do (and should) feel like s$%t about it 10 years later.

I'm not taking his place for a second, but I will let you know (and I don't have an explanation for it), in that once you have a girlfriend, there is a certain type of woman who finds that attractive (not the one you're dating, either). Probably the increase in self-confidence does it, I don't know. It's an equal-opportunity betrayal system.

But men being what they are, in a world without rules, we'd all be unfaithful to an extent. Or not. Some bad guys can fake being 'nice', some have this thrust upon them.

But as the Russians say; trust, but verify.

Not much good comes from labeling people and putting them into one proverbial box. There are as many guys who seem to be "nice" guys who in fact are better at hiding it and then there are some who truly are nice.

As for the cheating, we do not know the nature of your relationship so we cannot take guesses as to why he felt the need to cheat.

The whole "nice guy" label IMO is really silly. Some people like to label guys who are needy and clingy, and/or nerdy as nice guys and guys who are assertive as jerks. I do not find these labels to be very accurate.

Sounds like he was a real jerk, it doesn't make sense to me why he would cheat on you and lie about. If he was an aspie then he has good logic but that sounds like something some neurotypical male would do. If only I could get a girl I would treat her like a princess...

"nice" is a word that i am not sure i know the meaning of.

to me...

"nice" means "unobjectionable" or devoid of thorns and other pitfalls. "nice" means "slick" and "greasy" and malleable to perform acts that they do only to worm their way into peoples hearts.

"nice" is "agreeable" and subservient.

i think "real" is better than "nice".

slick game show hosts are "nice". salesmen are "nice".
they learn how to preen people by faking things they know will lead to their acceptance.

"nice" people are too good to be true. they will break their facade one day and reveal that they expect payment of some sort for their "niceness"

i like "real" people who genuinely have a need to be close to me.
i do not have to perform or provide. i just have to be, and they get nourishment in some way from just watching.
they also have my appreciation as i am genuinely concerned about their lives too.

whatever. i do not feel capable of replying to this thread in any productive way, but i will hit submit

Nice... bad... I'm the guy who's always single.