Do Aspies have a chance at a meaningful relationship?

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I really hope that was sarcasm.
As for social skills, either you're born with them or you're not. Social skills can never be taught.

I don't see any <sarcasm></sarcasm> tags in place, do you?

Hypothesis time: Oh, wow, so I don't go out binge-drinking and am a bit of an introvert... do all girls go out binge drinking and are extroverts? No, they are not.

I'll hand it to you guys: you have an active imagination, I'll give you that; you seem to revolve your lives based on other people's expectations of how you should live. Maybe if you didn't listen to these people, and take your failures as part of learning curves to better oneself, you will all be better off rather than having to blame it all on your autism, blatantly ingnoring other factors which contribute to your problems.

Last edited by thepeaguy on 09 Jan 2006, 9:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I don't think that's fair to a lot of people here. There are a of people here of both sexes, myself included, that have real anxiety issues with social situations and you can't just "get over it." I can surpress mine long enough to go grocery shopping or hit Home Depot, and I can stomach a bar or club if someone else drives so I can get drunk, but I really *hate* having to do that. The only real option is to go to a shrink and get drugged up, but that causes its own problems and from what I've read from many people can actually make things worse. Add to this pressure from friends and family to "settle down"and it's no surprise so many of us feel like absolute crap about ourselves.

Many of us guys here are very very nice, caring guys who just want a chance. We're tired of being the third wheel out with friends and their SOs, so we just don't go out anymore. I used to let my friends drag me out a lot, but after a while it just got incredibly depressing and awkward being the only single person in a group of ten (I don't think people realize how much that hurts, sometimes.) Tried getting some female firends to help me by setting me up but they never did. Tried hitting the local anime club for a while, but that was just full of guys like me and the occasional teenage girls.

Maybe the dating site will help, but I am worried it will end up like pretty much every other dating site I've tried...it'll have a 10:1 male-female ratio and most of the guys thus won't stand a chance because the moment a woman puts her profile up she'll be instantly swamped by a pack of horny ravenous guys. It's like throwing raw meat into a cage with starving lions. The meat doesn't last long.

So, Fuhaha, your personal experience has led us to the definitive conclusion that it's only autistic chicks that get the action, and not the males.

Whoop-de-do for positive thinking on your part.

Whoop-do-do for your being a jerk.

Double-standards you've pulled: you're being a jerk by using a derogative noun towards me which is, indeed, "jerk".

Don't like what I have to say? Don't read it; I'm entitled to my opinion.

"whoop-de-do" and similar side-of-the-mouth smartass comments are derogitory. I posted a large letter explaining how I felt about certain things and you basically blew it off.

Look, I am not interested in having a flame fest with you, so kindly get back on topic because you are taking things way too personally on the internet.

If I piss you off so much, may I recommend this shampoo so you can come back and stop being whiny in future.

Last edited by thepeaguy on 09 Jan 2006, 9:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.

if you don't want a flame war then STOP MAKING SMARTASS COMMENTS. Do you enjoy ridiculing people? Jesus christ. You make that comment and then tell me "don't take it personallly?"

Just because I don't think I have a change at a meaningful relationship doesn't mean that other Aspie men don't. It's not like all aspies fall under only 1 category of personality. And since there are aspie males around here that are happily married, and some that even have kids, I think that pretty much negates your ideology, Lonermutant.

First of all I completely relate to what Funaho is saying, because what he has written sounds like it's been plucked straight out of my brain. After chatting to other aspies in WP chat I'm now pretty sure that there are different kinds of aspies, but I definately fit into a very narrow catergory that many others fit here; the stereotypical aspie male. I hate stereoptypes, too.

And it is not bloody easy for us to meet other guys simply for friendship, and women are infinitely more difficult. I'm not ugly, I'm not stupid, and I don't smell bad. But that doesn't make a slight bit of difference. My dad had AS, it was probably worse than mine. When I was born, he was 39. That's cutting it damn close.

I'm happy that other aspies apparrently have an ability to "get over it", but your stereotypical aspie male does not. Your stereotypical aspie male has more chance building a female robot than meeting someone they might one day marry.

Yet I know it's possible because one day I'll probably get desperate enough and meet someone else desperate enough and if I'm lucky it works out. Tbh I wish I could remove the part of me that wants to interact with people socially because it's something that traumatises me every time I do it and fail.

That's not depression speaking either. The other week I found that a guy like me at work played another online game that did. The possibilities of that were really remote. We were destined to be friends. And we were for a bit. But whenever he came into the same room as me I could not make eye contact, I could not say what I wanted to say, I couldn't even say hello. He doesn't speak to me now, and I avoid him online. That was just friendship. so I have zero chance with women unless there are women out there that are attracted to men who seemingly have zero personality about them whatsoever.

No Way, there age range is too restrictive and does not have any preference selection.

I am starting to wonder that A: you do have a very, very mild case of aspergers, B: you do not have aspergers, or C: you have it full blown, but are living in fantasy and denile of the truth. I have as much chance as a snowball on the surface of the sun. Even, if we work or get out, it is still about i would say like 10 times harder to find a lady to date, let alone one to marry, for an aspie guy. And for your information, if you still think its the same as NTs, then umm...pick up a book, virtually every book i have seen or article, tells me that all ASDs struggle to find friends and spouse. You do not expect me to take your word over theirs, and theirs includes PH.D.s, other auties and aspies, family of auties or aspies, and people that have spent years or even their lives studying Auties and aspies. And who are you? I do not know. An unknown versus an expert, umm...i think i will go with the expert.

Usually, a rational person would attribute this to PMA (Postive Mental Attitude). But instead, I am surrounded by manic-depressives who think they are qualified to say that I have a mild case of autism (when they know nothing of my growth) and I am living in a fantasy world, simply because they are in denial over the fact that one or two girls turned them down or shown no interest. So instead of moving on, what do they do? They blame it on their autism and expect all males to follow the same mentality.

Last edited by thepeaguy on 09 Jan 2006, 9:27 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Holy cow...

Here's what I think: We probably can accomplish most of what NTs can in the way of relationships. The only difference is that while NTs do things subconsciously, we have to learn it, and then remember to do it. Theoretically, a guy can learn and practice these things, then 'fake it' long enough to get his foot in the door. Once in a relationship, he can explain to his girlfriend that he has trouble reading body language and certain cues and ask that she be understanding. With enough practice, in theory, learned actions should become second nature.

Nobody is forcing anyone to follow anything. Everyone is just stating their opinions. It's ALL an opinion until someone interviews each and every autistic on the planet to see who's actually "getting some" and who's not. Regardless of the reality thre is a definite perception among males in general (and I'm not just speaking of autistics here) that females have it easier when it comes to dating. Whether that's true or not I'm not qualified to say but as I said this is certainly how it APPEARS to many males. There's a whole 'nother thread on this topic in another forum and I don't want to start THAT battle again here.

I'm glad you're doing well and have your PMA and it works for you but not everyone is like you. It's well-documented that one of the worst things you can do for someone who is depressed is tell them to "move on" or "get over it", because many of them can't. Claiming that ANYONE can just wake up and adopt a PMA and fix their social problems is just generalization no better than the original generalization that started this whole debate.



Yes these actions can be learned. After 32 years I've learned some of them. It takes some of the edge off the social anxiety but definitely does not eliminate it, and I often find that the mere act of trying to hold my own in a social situation is so draining that I have no energy for anything else. I feel like I'm constantly trying to keep people out of my head and if I don't concentrate I get swept off by the emotional energy of the crowd, with the end result being that after it's all over I feel drained and empty inside.