Why are Aspie Men Bitter Towards Women??

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I think we are bitter towards women because all of what we have been through and it is easier to control hate than love.

What's your take on it??

I think we are bitter towards women because all of what we have been through and it is easier to control hate than love.

What's your take on it??

I do agree that a lot of aspie men hate women because of years of constant rejection. I personally don't because honestly, if I were a woman I wouldn't have taken me either when I was in school. I had nothing to offer anyone and I was a constant annoyance to everyone in my idiotic quest to fit in (If I could go back in time, I'd beat the living hell out of my past self for that). But after a lot of growing up and even some therapy, I realize that it is my fault that women didn't want anything to do with me and I dare say the same is true for most other aspie men if not all of them that have or has had this same problem.

Oh, I can feel the flaming already. *gets a fire extinguisher*

I respectfully disagree. It isn’t my fault that I’m autistic and socially awkward. The only thing I could possibly do a better job of is controlling my anger and bitterness after a rejection occurs. But even that I’m still struggling with.

It really does help to realise that everyone thinks of themselves first. However in a relative sense they are not all bad people, they are just doing what they do.

I'm a NT woman married to an AS man. I think there there are lots of misunderstandings in the relationships between NTs and ASs and they are on both sides. Aspies have difficulties understanding NTs but I experienced the same confusion when I had to deal with aspies. I have no problem to 'read' NT people because they follow some rules that I understand, but aspies don't do that so I find them as confusing as they probably find me. I understand how dating and relationships can be a huge challenge. My husband was the best friend of a very good friend of mine. We used to socialise in a group and he was introdused to the group by my friend. I didn't like him when I first met him, he was making this weird comments and his humour...well, it wasn't funny . I presumed that he was being a smart-ass, he was obviously very inteligent and had extensive knowlege in many areas. I suppose he wasn't impressed with us either. But he was there every time we went out with the group (2-3 times a week). Later I found out that it was because of me. It took me 2 years to really enjoy his company, to understand his jokes, to see the really nice guy he was and to be confortable with his little talents and interests. And then he asked me out and I said yes. We've been married for 14 years, have 2 kids and are now very happy but it wasn't easy. We had to learn to read each others body language and signals. It is frustrating when I need a hug and almost every person is able to see that except my husband, but I learned to tell him. And he learned to come and give me a hug when I ask for one and not tell me that he'll be there as soon as he finishes what he's doing.

I blame it on their tendency to be way too emotional about everything. And when we can't relate, they become vicious as hell, making snide comments and being generally indirect. Their emphasis on emotion, even in ones that could be considering highly inexpressive, can be way too absurd. My facial expression like 90% of the time = totally blank... and I've noticed that women in particular interpret it as angry or something. And all of them seem to dislike it. Why? Who knows? Maybe they get subconsciously offended because they seem to have zero visible effect.

Well, I finally got along well with someone over the internet (another Aspie forum, just for the record). We started talking on the phone within a month. However, four years went by before we finally met up: she lives in Seattle WA, and I'm somewhere you have to bend over and crane your neck awkwardly to see on a globe. We got along well for the 2.5 weeks I was there, but it was sedate and old-fogeyish; maybe "cute" in an asexual way. So I ended up being one of those losers who don't have their first date until they're 35 (as in a particular milk advert on the back of Rolling Stone 20 years ago).

I've begun to suspect that "compatibility" is overrated, anyway. You can be compatible with someone in the sense of having a lot in common (or simply both being pathetic losers no-one else wanted!). But that doesn't take care of the physical side of things. But then again, I'm hideously ugly with love-handles and a roundish face that screams "Genetically Unfit", so what do I expect?

It's a complicated topic, because many aspies, women and people in general don't have proper insight into themselves. Generally anyway, when speaking of aspies lets divide them into two groups...

Aspie men who are bitter fall into the two groups:

1) Naively bitter (i.e. naive and inexperienced, clueless, but willing to change - they will grow out of their bitterness)
2) Bitter because they don't want to have to change for someone else (egocentric, egotistical)

Group #2 usually has the following problems:

They have something genuinely offensive to anyone/everyone

1. They whine a lot, complain a lot, or are obnoxious all around people without realizing it.
2. They are anxious/fearful all the time (i.e. they are scared of their own shadow)
3. They don't take care of their appearance and are clueless about how run down they look
4. They are overbearing and want everything on their terms
5. They are usually so self-absorbed, they couldn't handle the give and take of a relationship
6. They are weird and know it, but are unwilling to change.
7. Prefer being alone

The ideal partner for many male aspies would be a sexbot, truth be told. The japanese anime like (link)Chobits and (link) Oh my goddess come to mind.

Women are much different then many aspie guys... their needs are completely different. Aspies dislike the fact that there are few people like them, aspies are honest, aspies don't play the stupid social status games and they look at the world differently.

The down side is from the woman's perspective is:

1. Aspies are boring (intellectual)
2. Aspies are nerdy (science, math, videogames, geeky stuff)
3. Aspies (are not usually) social - they (generally speaking) hate going out to clubs, bars, dancing, movies, etc.
4. Aspies may be too serious (no fun), lack of talking and communication = no fun
5. Many aspies rather stay in then go out.

Truth be told, aspie psychology and NT psychology has fundamental differences. It's not merely women either, it's the fact that aspies fundamentally experience the world differently. For instance: If say I wanted to have sex with someone I was attracted to, in the ideal aspie world - I'd merely go up to her and ask her. In the NT world sex is overcomplicated, you have to talk smooth, make a women laugh, "warm her up" before she will allow you to have sex with her... to an aspie mind, this is redundant if you both are physically attracted to one another - it's either a yes or no kind of thing.

Aspie people who are patient, non-judgemental, rational, logical, immune to groupthink, and does not over value social activities to the nth degree are not suited to the aggressive gameplay, hypersocialization and tribal mentality of the NT world.

Women play NT games much more then guys do, so I think thats what makes a lot of aspies bitter as well - they like stability, loyalty, hardwork, dedication towards a relationship, choose someone and stick with them... many in the world are lazy, hedonistic and pathetic when it comes to relationsips. These mentalities are completely at odds.

NT women are inconsistent and hyper emotional compared to aspie men, men tend to want to simplify their lives. In general women need constant change, socialization and stimulation... women are easily angered, sadenned, impatient, disloyal and emotional, lacking rationality and the average woman is MORE prejudiced then men are generally speaking. Not all women are like this, but way too many of them are.

When I was younger I hated how fickle women were, moving from guy to guy. It was exhausting putting up with women who couldn't just pick someone and stick with them - they had no sense of loyalty or dedication to one another. Next was the constant need to go out and be doing things or talking to people all the time. The needs of the two groups are often contrary to one another, as such bitterness is the result of not understanding that.

im guessing because most of us dont get any coochie

The down side is from the woman's perspective is:

1. Aspies are boring (intellectual)
2. Aspies are nerdy (science, math, videogames, geeky stuff)
3. Aspies (are not usually) social - they (generally speaking) hate going out to clubs, bars, dancing, movies, etc.
4. Aspies may be too serious (no fun), lack of talking and communication = no fun
5. Many aspies rather stay in then go out.

Truth be told, aspie psychology and NT psychology has fundamental differences. It's not merely women either, it's the fact that aspies fundamentally experience the world differently. For instance: If say I wanted to have sex with someone I was attracted to, in the ideal aspie world - I'd merely go up to her and ask her. In the NT world sex is overcomplicated, you have to talk smooth, make a women laugh, "warm her up" before she will allow you to have sex with her... to an aspie mind, this is redundant if you both are physically attracted to one another - it's either a yes or no kind of thing.

Aspie people who are patient, non-judgemental, rational, logical, immune to groupthink, and does not over value social activities to the nth degree are not suited to the aggressive gameplay, hypersocialization and tribal mentality of the NT world.

Women play NT games much more then guys do, so I think thats what makes a lot of aspies bitter as well - they like stability, loyalty, hardwork, dedication towards a relationship, choose someone and stick with them... many in the world are lazy, hedonistic and pathetic when it comes to relationsips. These mentalities are completely at odds.

NT women are inconsistent and hyper emotional compared to aspie men, men tend to want to simplify their lives. In general women need constant change, socialization and stimulation... women are easily angered, sadenned, impatient, disloyal and emotional, lacking rationality and the average woman is MORE prejudiced then men are generally speaking. Not all women are like this, but way too many of them are.

When I was younger I hated how fickle women were, moving from guy to guy. It was exhausting putting up with women who couldn't just pick someone and stick with them - they had no sense of loyalty or dedication to one another. Next was the constant need to go out and be doing things or talking to people all the time. The needs of the two groups are often contrary to one another, as such bitterness is the result of not understanding that.

I like how you told it like it is, instead of giving advice, this makes aspie guys feel better. advice can be overhwelming to aspie guys because they get too many opinions and don't know what to do with them...but at the end of the day happiness does't come from

getting a girlfriend.
getting laid
people accepting you.

Happiness comes from ACCEPTING YOURSELF AS AN ASPIE PERSON MALE OR FEMALE. the having a girlfriend or boyfriend wouldn't even mean all that.

True, all of it is true