Conflicting Interests in Relationships

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Do YOU like you? Because it doesn't matter what the trimmings are... if you keep changing yourself to match the person you imagine matches, you will never become the person intact that others can become attracted to - this is just my personal opinion. I know hard-drinking and profane Christians and atheists whose asceticism and conservatism makes me blink repeatedly... people defy our efforts to define them.


M.

I like being a conservative Christian, but even if my personality were perfect, and had a sunny attitude, and were the nicest person around, people would still judge me because of my religious and political beliefs.

That depends - if that is what you offer as your defining characteristics... a Conservative Christian, instead of Tim the person, then they will identify the caricature and not the person. I think there are better definitions than that without losing who you are.


M.

I want people to see me as Tim, not "Tim the Conservative Christian, therefore, potential bigot".

then stop telling people your beliefs 24/7

I don't know about other people's experience, but it's been my experience that people who generally agree with my beliefs and opinions and have similar interests don't enjoy being around me one bit better than anybody else.

Also, I've often found individuals who disagree with me who are more interesting than a lot of individuals I generally agree with.

Anyway, if two people agree all the time, one of them isn't doing any thinking. They might be walking around, but their mind is dead.

Tim, I think you need to research this topic on your own. See if you can do some field research in the varieties of human relationships. Too much theory with too little data can lead to incorrect conclusions.

Tim, we all have our preferences but you can't demand that a woman has to have all those qualities. Do you know a single person who has a girlfriend that has every single thing they desire? It can happen but you must learn to lower your standards. There are women out there like what you are looking for but you must accept the fact that you may have to settle for something else.

I think it's less a matter of "lowering your standards" and more a matter of "opening your eyes."

The man has a point.

OK, since some of you seem to be ridiculing Tim over his criteria, let's break it down...

Now, this does rule out a lot of possibilities, since people with Asperger's are rare. But if I understand correctly, Tim can no longer bring himself to fully trust non-Aspie women, since his NT ex-girlfriend betrayed him.


This is anyone who won't be his enemy over political views. They don't even have to share his views, just accept that he has them.


They don't even have to share his religious beliefs, just not fight over them. Since Tim is a Christian, it's not like he can have a relationship with someone who is IN-tolerant of Christian beliefs...


His interests. I doubt that most people could have a relationship with an Aspie for very long if they didn't at least share some of his main interests.

Again, I don't see the big deal with Tim's criteria. Most people outside of his criteria wouldn't even be his friend, let alone his lover. And it's not like he's being picky... in fact, I'd say he's being dangerously inclusive, since I can see where potential conflicts could arise from someone who only "tolerated" his political/religious views, not shared them. And I probably would've included MORE criteria, just so I wouldn't seem "desperate."

I *don't* require them to have the same beliefs, just not writing me off because of them.

Yes, I understand what you're saying.

often it is just hanging out and having sex..............the guy figures why bother with dating if he can get what he wants

I don't think I would be interested in that.

I always heard that it was to bypass "formalities", such as dressing a certain way, hygeine, social etiquette, etc.

I have decided that anyone I date MUST be Christian and conservative, as well as like the Simpsons and South Park and be an Aspie.

I will not bend on this, either.

Well, Tim... I wish you the best of luck. However, I have to say that I think this is the least likely approach to have success because you are excluding most of the population in one stroke. Hope you break the odds.


M.