Why single women are drawn to men who are spoken for

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Influence and command are two very different things - you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink, as it were. So are insecurity and complaint; I think you have confused being vocal with being insecure. Strength and size are aspects to safety; I'm 6'4", yet I deal with rampant insecurities and have heard the same from other people who share a greater bulk.

Men look for women to compensate for what they lack, too, Hal... I really don't find that a substantial argument for your point of view.


M.

Yes women are more vocal about their insecurities then men are but Im rather curious as to why you think that Men are the ones who are more insecure then women and not vice versa. The biological clock IS a cause of anxiety for many women as I continually hear women who are entering their 30s and havent found a husband complaining about it. Men and women have very different needs and wants, there's just no getting around that. Im also convinced that what women look for in a man is QUITE Different then what most men look for in a woman.

Why do I think men are more insecure? Perhaps not more - equally would be more appropriate, perhaps. That women and men have different needs and desires is irrelevant to insecurity to me, btw... and you've continued to state that people who complain are the insecure ones, where I think those who are silent often are more insecure. As a man, I've dealt with insecurities about mental faculty, financial ability, physical traits, being presumed to be one thing from appearance while being another, being uncertain about how to communicate, being afraid. From observation, men tend to 'act out' to prove themselves, to fill in the gaps in their feelings about themselves by giving themselves 'examples' to counter their own insecurities.

Why is that because the needs are different, you think women are more insecure?


M.

I'm not drawn to men who are already in a relationship, in fact, I would definitely rule them out.

Of course, I might find their appearance or qualities attractive in a general sense, say if they treat their partner well, they are kind and so on, I might think hey, he's a nice guy, but that's more of a matter of general appreciation of good qualities than a strong attraction that I would act upon, because I wouldn't.

I once had a crush on a married man. I later realized that if there had been a chance of having a relationship with him, and would have been pretty short lived, because we had so little in common. I also came to realize that I was more attracted to certain qualities about him, more than just himself. Like, his kindness towards animals, and the respect and kindness that he showed his wife. He was also very good looking. So, it seemed a lot more practical to just find someone with those same qualities, that was actually single and attracted to me.

Because Im looking at it from a purely biological perspective since human biology is univeral to ALL societies. The ONLY way that a woman can possibly have the kind of independence that a man can have is if she forgoes having children altogether. Most women dont do that, and so when they do have children they lose their independence until their children are grown up and leave home. But futhermore women, especially when they're young, have to deal with the ever present threat of being sexually assaulted. Men who are not in prison almost never have to worry about it and plan their actions to minimize the risk they way women do. Unfortunately, there are plenty of abusive relationships out there where the man uses his superior size and strength to dominate the woman by threatning violence if she doesnt do what he wants her to. Im not insinuating that you would ever behave that way but there ARE plenty of men is this world who DO.

I disagree, Hal. There are things on both sides - men cannot produce another generation, cannot give birth to families. Men who are not in prison DO have to worry about sexual assault... that kind of took me off guard. Security is not just about size, or strength, but about confidence and knowledge; many of the most physically strong people I know are also the most insecure. I guess I need a clarifying statement - are we talking insecurity or physical safety?


M.

Security is about confidence, HOWEVER, size and strength most certainly do factor into a person feeling confidence. Especially since we live in a world that ultimately runs on power. The rape of ADULT Men(NOT teens/male children)outside of prison is Very Rare even though it does happen from time to time which is why I said that most adult men need not worry about it except if they're in a place without women for extended periods of time. You say that men cannot produce another generation, but then again most women cannot impregnate themselves. A man can get a woman pregnant and abandon her for another woman but if a woman gets knocked up by a man and then left she has to bear this child alone and in most cases find a way to care for both herself and her kid. My own mother told me straight that right after she gave birth to me(Im the eldest of 3 children) she had a big adjustment to make in terms of losing the independence she once had. A man can father hundreds, even thousands of children whereas most women can have no more than 10-12 children even though many women who start early cant make it up to 10 children. Aging for men does not mean a loss of the ability to reproduce until we get REALLY old whereas it for women it IS a source of anxiety and feelings of inadequacy(you've heard of MENOPAUSE, right?).

Let me explain it, so you understand it:

NTs: use emotion over logic

Aspies: use logic over emotion

Put the pieces together; I know you can.

I must admit my attitude of contempt towards humanity probably is not a major turn-on for most people, but so far they haven't even shown that they remotely deserve better from me; and yes, I'm spoken for.

As a young man I experienced this phenom as well. Now that I am single, 4yrs now, I receive very little to no female attention. But on the flip side of things, I wonder how many of the woman who chase men who are taken are themselves well... taken