Just avoiding the subject here.

Post Reply New Topic

Well thanks for visiting my introspective trip, hopefully things get simpler around here but I wouldn't count on it. My life is strange & that's about as consistent as it ever gets, unless you count the time alone.

Now I have to get a job again. I'm still working but I have to get hired there. Intern party ending. Time to do more stuff. If I can...

It's an ugly feeling to think that everything about me people care about fits on two heavily formatted pages that say nothing about me personally.

("turning my attention elsewhere" is for me to get a job. It's too easy to spend my time browsing WP rather than the "want ads". Hopefully I'll be back soon after a few applications are out the door.

Good luck landing your next project or employment.)

There is an inescapable feeling as a guy with ASD that work is all I'm really allowed to go after. I'm not trying to annoy anyone, so I'm keeping to myself.

As usual I'd rather keep rambling about what's actually good instead of all this fixation on what's wrong with everyone.

There were a lot of people in an adjacent thread talking about whether or not they believe in second chances. While it's difficult to be sure what I believe in, it's not like I specifically disbelieve in that kind of thing. I really need to get back to CV editing so I can get hired but it's very depersonalizing, especially with people who've been good to me on my mind.

For ages I've been told to sell myself to companies instead of keep up with people.

I find that I am happier when I don't listen to the voices.....

Yeah, this thread is me tuning out the pessimism surrounding an intractable condition. Sometimes silence is worse than all the negativity I can find though.

I find music a good silence filler. I seriously think music has saved my life some nights

I need to spend more time in my monitor headphones. Hifi is something of an obsession of mine ever since MP3 players started improving. I can identify with that all too well.

It's a good thing my roommate is a DJ since I'm not aware of anything else that helps stop the notions of finality distracting me from my entire life. TBH I'm pretty resigned to being alone, but that doesn't make it the right thing to be doing.

Anxiety kills...

So does burying myself in general chemistry homework despite my everloving dislike of the subject. Unless it's on my own terms. Still, I probably wouldn't seek it out like I would other things. I delete dating apps after 10 seconds. But here I am, 8:30 PM having done nothing with my entire evening but general chemistry homework.

I want off this ride now.

I would avoid headphones if I were you, it may lead to tinnitus. Just listen to music from normal speakers; low volume if roommate around.

I have tinnitus, but not likely due to headphones (never used it much; only very few times for calls), but most tinnitus sufferers get it usually from listening too much on it; and aspies seem to be more vulnerable than most.

It is not fun to have a constant high pitch sound in your ear.

Yep, at least I just use over-ear designs now, no in-ear monitors or on-ear designs I'd be inclined to blast at myself.

I've had to discipline myself about taking breaks working from home. After a while lately, I had sleep to catch up on this week despite working weird on-off hours. I have a great deal of work to do in the interest of holding onto a job that hasn't been described to me yet so I suppose I know where you're coming from.

I guess I would be thinking more clearly than in my last post if my lazy Sunday weren't part of the same job search. This is basically how I'm looking at my job search; being so married to my work that I'm estranged from humanity just for the technological thrill of it.

Boo is correct that I need to make better use of my bookshelf speakers sometimes. As a dude I feel almost conditioned not to play my music choices for others very often, it comes across to me as an indulgent display of emotion on my part. It's almost like aspies are supposed to be seen & not heard...

...Not that I'm really sure what to do about this. I might need some music recommendations as a mental prompt.

Not that that means anything with words though, it's a universal language, even if I only know some very obscure dialects thereof.

Chopin.

Words are not always necessary.

I'll keep that in mind considering I can't do much but look for jobs, it's been a sort of mental dead end. Of course the worst election of all time comes up in the middle of a pandemic when I need my contract(s) renewed.

I think I've been tending towards instrumentals lately because I don't have any words.