The importance of looks

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That doesn’t mean that they aren’t here. There are various reasons why women may not be posting their difficulties with finding a partner.

I have read that statistically autistic men are more likely to have trouble finding a date than autistic women are.

So many women here have partners and openly talk about it, while so many men here are single and openly talk about it.

I would have to see the study. I think it would be a very difficult thing to have unbiased, reliable, valid data on.

Even if it were true, it doesn’t mean that a lot of women don’t struggle. If one makes this about gender, one is excluding a lot of people who struggle just as much.

Just because women aren’t talking about it doesn’t mean that they aren’t here.

I’d rather be alone than in an abusive relationship.

Freedom is a lovely thing.

Studies don’t prove anything as far as social science topics are concerned.

Last edited by kraftiekortie on 17 Feb 2023, 4:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Define "struggle." Struggling in relationships and in finding the right partner after several bad ones, or simply struggling to get any partner in the first place?

Both are “struggles.”

The actual intensity of the “struggle” depends upon the specific situation.

Off topic: TW, are you actually a zelda fan?

I've talked about my SA / DV experiences quite openly. When I first joined I gave quite a few factual details but it led to me being trolled and harassed by an abusive member. Now if I discuss my trauma it's to support other vulnerable members dealing with sex assault, intimate partner violence, DV, child abuse, or other forms of criminal misconduct. (This support is for all people of any gender or orientation.)

My earlier comment wasn't about SA recovery, although I guess you could call it psychological recovery. I've said many times that I went 17 years without dating anyone because I was too scared to trust or be intimate. Since meeting my partner in 2019 I've talked about how hard it was to establish a relationship during Covid lockdowns, my difficulties in communication, my mutism, my sensory challenges when with him, my agoraphobia and all the other "autistic" things that make dating or cohabitation difficult especially as a single parent. I've ranted quite a lot about these topics all over the forum including Parenting, Women's, Haven, L&D, GA, or even Psych Conditions. For whatever reason none of this is viewed as "dating problems", let alone "women's dating problems". My dating challenges are treated as pathological at best. Most of the time my comments are ignored but if I get responses I've been called histrionic and thin-skinned. Some people respond by saying "I don't have any sensory issues", about themselves, as if that negates mine. Others tell me not to think about it, presumably so it will all go away. They say I should spend more time with him instead of being online, even though he's right beside me half the time and he views WP as a support network which should help me as much as I help others.

I'm not trying to make it all about me though. My concern is for the other members who express difficulty with interpersonal relationships regardless of their gender. I think we all need support and compassion. That's the only reason I've set off on this rant, but I'm not going to apologise because everything I've said is true.



I'm sorry to hear that. I made a thread about Men's Mental Health and Trauma a couple of years ago. Maybe I can dig it up and there might be some valuable advice from other members. I hate when people assume men can't be abused by women or other men, or their trauma isn't considered valid.

Maybe. I'm not sure on the stats but it's possible. Women are rejected more often than you'd realise whether it's for their looks or their personality and interests. Needy women are often viewed as crazy, and independent women are viewed as bitchhes. They get rejected either way. Sometimes the rejection means they won't be asked out. Sometimes it means they'll be used and discarded as not worthy. Other times they get into long term relationships or marriages and get rejected. It happens to all of us, men or women. Men keep saying that women only want good looking men? Just imagine the devaluation of women who don't want to be sexualised, body shamed, or judged for their face, body, hair, age, gender expression, or sexual history -- not to mention any trauma or mental health concerns. There are women's groups similar to INCEL, called Femcels. They're upset at the way they are overlooked and marginalised in the same dating pool as men.

Here's an example:

https://globalnews.ca/news/9449316/femc ... er-incels/


Back to your comment, women are rejected ^ just as much as men are abused. I'm not trying to suggest women experience more dating difficulties than men or even that they're different. Many men are abused by their partners whether they date other men, women, or other genders. The abuse can be emotional, physical, psychological, financial, or sexual. My point is that we all face the same obstacles and I wish this was recognised on the forum. I'm tired of people's struggle being subcategorised into boxes labelled male, female, LGBTQ, etc. I'm even more tired of the comments by certain groups (e.g., women, trans) being largely ignored.




Agreed.




Love & Dating isn't just about how to get a date. If it were that simple, there'd be a sticky with instructions A-Z posted at the top for easy reference. How much is there to say about "how to get a date", anyway? Wash yourself and do general hygiene. Practice conversation skills. Have interests. Go places where you can meet people. Be kind. Treat others how you want to be treated yourself. Cross your fingers and hope for the best. What more is there? Honestly?

I think L&D should encompass more than "how to meet" a partner. It's a forum about the love and dating experiences of autistic people (or people dating autistics), after they meet, and after breakups or bereavement. That's all LOVE. Most of us have Alexithymia or communication challenges. It's hard to give and receive love in standard / neurotypical ways. It's hard to deal with the daily ups and downs or the fallout of relationships. The same is true of "Dating". It doesn't have to mean "how to get a date", but rather how to navigate dating once it starts or ends. Marriage and divorce are part of this too, although I notice married people seldom post in L&D.

I'd like to see L&D used by all people who have questions or can offer support about being in relationships or recovering from them afterward. I don't think that needs to be in The Haven unless the member is in crisis or very upset about one particular event.





Yes, many come here for that mythical piece of advice which will never exist. Sadly, they don't appreciate the input they're given. I'm not saying that our advice will always help. Maybe it won't. Maybe our advice is useless because it doesn't suit the person's needs or they aren't at that developmental stage. None of us aim to sound ableist when trying to support others, but many try to help regardless. Unfortunately, those helpers are usually the women and they get little in return. There's still an inequality between the types of support given to men vs. the types given to women, if any at all.

In my opinion the men here treat each other horribly, by reinforcing stereotypes that a) women won't want them, based on statistics or b) that they need to be rich and gorgeous to attract a mate. (Heteronormative attitudes included in both.) With friends like that, who needs enemies?

I feel badly for the good men who are trying to make their way and form relationships in the toxic cesspool of L&D.

I'll address the "foreign partner" nonsense later, in another post.





Could you give me a link to the threads where WP women are appreciated and called interesting? I'm going to search for it but the search thingy won't find anything, even though it's not that good.

Yep, I’m a long-time fan. I first got into it when I was 12. I 100 percented BotW in master mode. I got every single one of those damn koroks.

I’ve played most of the games. OoT, TP, MM, and BotW are my favorites. I like ALttP, WW, and the newest Hyrule Warriors a lot, too.

I’m super-excited about the new game that’s coming out.

Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 17 Feb 2023, 5:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.

THIS!

Even if, for argument’s sake, more people in a specific category experience more of a specific thing, it doesn’t make it any easier for the people in a different category who are experiencing it, too.

Being inclusive is very positive for this and other reasons. It keeps people from feeling left out and as though their experience doesn’t matter.

I know this may not mean much, but I'm sorry to hear what you've been going through, Isabella.

That's quite horrifying. Likely an attempt at humour, but not a particularly helpful insight for a member looking for advice. There definitely needs to be an improvement in sex education and how the topic of sex is discussed in wider society. It is concerning how many people are taught that pain during sex is normal, when it can potentially be a genuine sign that something is wrong. It can be due to a lack of arousal, but it can also be due to certain medical conditions. Either way, it should be taken seriously.



Generally, I tend to post in the LGBT section if I want to discuss topics such as LGBT representation or how to cope in life (such as dealing with homophobia). However, if I want to talk about the dating aspect, I tend to post in L&D. I have wondered whether I should stick to the LGBT section, but I am inclined to agree with you here.

Women can have difficulties also.
I don’t even bother.Most of the eligible men around here have problems, like meth, alcoholism, poor education, different moral and political views than me.
I think lots of people settle because they feel lonely.I’d rather read a book or listen to music then have a relationship with someone I have nothing in common with.
That would be like a prison.
I don’t feel lonely.Sometimes I would like to share things.Like if an amazing meteor streaked across the sky or a beautiful sunset,to have someone to turn to and say, “ Did you see that! How beautiful!”
Picnics and museum trips would be fun also.

You do know any male who responds with data to this question will be labelled a misogynist and have their post deleted.

Read my entire comment.

I hope a male does respond to it with data. I seem to be the only woman here who feels guys with ASD have it harder than women with ASD in the dating world.

Holey crap on a cracker!
This thread is hot!
By that, I mean popular.

Whoever created it is a winner.
I need to buy shares "in the company".