Bigotry against involuntarily celibate men

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No. I need to find ONE woman who likes me, whom I like, who isn't already taken, who doesn't smoke, isn't overly religious or unwilling to date an atheist, doesn't mind dating a man who has very little relationship/sexual experience compared to other men his same age, isn't into weird BDSM stuff I'm not comfortable with, isn't a far-right bigot or a far-left SJW, and doesn't have any other traits I consider deal-breakers or consider any of my traits deals breakers, and won't prefer any of the available NT men.

Last edited by magnetowasright on 19 Nov 2018, 6:31 am, edited 1 time in total.

It's a valid question. We're already limited enough with our dating options. Why limit them more by exclusively focusing on trying to date people who are difficult to find?

I dont think neurotype alone can possibly determine compatibility. There are many autistic women who I would not be compatible with, and probably some that I would be. The same is true for NT women.

Your biggest problem above is that you forgot what I said about NDs and the dating culture and that you would actually try to date an ND woman instead of being natural with her. When you ask an ND woman for a date, she will instantly fall into the dating mindset, and will probably reject you outright because she doesn't like dating or considers you unworthy or whatever else is common in the dating culture. Dating is a role, a game, and when you trigger somebody to play that game, you are setting yourself up for a failure. The same applies for any other NT trick you might want to play on her.

Live to 70 or 80 as an incel and never a single date, it is a lonely existence. I doubt anyone wants to live our lives. Just the bad genetics we inherited and forever alone!

The big-number fallacy. NDs are usually very adaptive in the relationship area, and I'm sure I could adapt to a majority of ND women pretty easily, and so matching interests and sub-cultures is a non-issue. Which means that unless I limit the pool to zero, the size of the "dating" pool is irrelevant. In fact, the game should be difficult, and so if you think that it should be easy to get into a relationship then you lack drive & persistence. Just think of a girl as a special interest project, and then you have the right mindset about it.

Last edited by rdos on 19 Nov 2018, 7:13 am, edited 1 time in total.

I think that others have already responded to your suggestion about ND women. But I will repeat for your benefit: ND women are extremely unlikely to encounter, and many of them are asexual.

In general, I always hated "dating" and preferred to just spend my time getting to know a woman I liked. Can you guess what happened next? That's right: they decided they only want to be friends, and many of them told that they never considered me as a romantic partner because I never expressed interest while other men did. So I perfectly understand your reasoning. But when I put it to the test it failed spectacularly.

You're ignoring the very relevant fact that most of us can go decades without actually encountering an ND woman.

I don't think so. NDs are 16% of the population, and with about 50% being women, that means 8% are ND women. If you still haven't spotted one, then you obviously don't have a usable "ND" radar. Personally, I see stranger ND women almost every day.



If they mistook you for a friend you did it wrong. Showing interest at a distance can never be mistaken for wanting to be friends. It can go unnoticed and you can be ignored, but you are never rejected. When it is responded to, it is always romantic in nature and cannot be mistaken for friendship.

Strange. I saw one just an hour ago while at lunch.

Well there's also physical attraction to consider. If I'm not physically attracted to someone at all, there's no chance of there being a relationship. If they're not physically attracted to me at all, the same principle applies. Then there's personality traits to consider as well as values and beliefs. If those are incompatible then constant arguing may very well ensue, which doesn't make for a good relationship.

There are many words you could use to describe the temperament of people on the spectrum, but in my experience 'adaptable' is not one of them. As for common interests or subcultures, if there are no commonalities in the way you like to spend your time with your significant other, other than the horizontal mambo, what exactly are the two of you supposed to do together in terms of activities?

It'd be very boring to have a significant other that you can't really spend time with because you dont want to occupy your time doing the same things, so yes, some common interests are important too.

And while I don't correspond with any ND women at the moment because I don't really know any, then my dating pool for neurodiverse women is zero.

Others have already asked this, but WHERE would you suggest finding such a significant number of ND women that it's likely that I might be compatible with one of them? It only takes one, but that one can be very hard to find. It's unlikely that if I only come into contact with a few ND women that I will meet one who ticks all of my boxes and for whom I tick all of their boxes. So if you're advocating that we seek out ND women, you've got to tell us where to find a lot of them, because it's too hard to find them in random encounters. If you can't tell is where to find them, how do you expect us to approach the situation?

You're not considering the fact that only 1/4 to 1/5 people on the spectrum (or at least diagnosed) are women. So based on that, there's going to be more ND men than ND women. If all the ND men went for ND women, a significant portion of ND men would still end up partnerless, based on the ratio for autism between men and women.

I would not wish Autism onto anyone. Life is hard enough being normal. If you have to cope with being Autistic and cut off from the world makes life so frustrating.

I've found that physical attraction means nothing to me. The only thing that means anything is a mind-to-mind connection. That makes the difference between hypersexual and asexual for me.



Most personality traits are linked to neurodiversity. For instance, several dimensions in personality-tests, like the Big Five, have strong links to neurodiversity.



I can build new shared interests. I don't think this is unique for me. Also, there should be time for yourself in a healthy ND-ND relationship.



You find them by learning to identify them. Seeing Aspies in public meetings, or in other autistic activities helps in setting up a functional ND radar. Other possibilities include learning what is ND and NT preferences and then studying people to see which of them they use. For women, I find it easiest to play the eye-contact game with them to check their neurotype.

Incorrect. ND is not Aspie and not diagnosed on the autism spectrum. ND means neurodiverse, and it is a personality type. So, when I use ND it means the personality type and not the (diagnosed) autism spectrum. In fact, it's probably a relatively bad idea for somebody diagnosed on the autism spectrum to search for somebody with a diagnosis. The most promising relationships are those where one or both are undiagnosed.

The neurodiverse spectrum is NOT gender biased, and so there are just as many ND women as ND men. Therefore, that is not a valid argument against seeking ND partners.

Well, going by your very broad definition, I can say I've occasionally met women that could be ND. And they have all been just as taken as everyone else.

This mentality is extremely common among many women to the extent that it's almost the 'norm', I still encounter such vocalized expectations from women who work in very entry jobs and even from losers, and what's amazing that they say it aloud without any remorse or shame.

Here a recent example of a such genderized expectation: My gf's former best female friend asked my gf to lend her money, when she told her she can't since she has kids , the friend got angry at her and texted her on fb along the lines "why you can't? why do you care? You have a boyfriend now who can pay you and supports you*! !" - a reaction that clearly reflects an entitlement toward men, such entitlement are very DEEPLY INGRAINED in many cultures, my gf is from an East Asian culture, but their culture is not at all different from my local Arab culture when it comes to such gender-based entitlements.

*In reality, I don't support my gf financially for ANYTHING- she has her own job, I have mine, we don't live together, we don't share any cost of living, we are more like FWBs (with mutual caring) than bf/gf. My gf asked me only once to borrow money about a years ago and I made it clear that's it's out of the line and things such as these would ruin our relationship.