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Didn’t come as a surprise that he was a virgin!

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The Grand Inquisitor
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25 Jul 2022, 9:04 pm

Twilightprincess wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
I'm not saying that one gender has dating wholistically easier over the other. I'm saying that there are trends that lead to typically disparate experiences for the genders.


This topic has been done to death and this angle is constantly overemphasized. All that does is antagonize the women here who struggle just as badly. The topic has been retired and you'll just get the thread shutdown if you persist.


It does antagonize the women who struggle here and make them less likely to contribute and, in turn, less likely to get support.

This is why we have and need specific forum rules.

I'm not trying to antagonise anybody, but I feel antagonised when people try to downplay the extent to which social trends and gender roles have contributed to my lack of success with dating.



TwilightPrincess
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25 Jul 2022, 9:09 pm

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
I'm not saying that one gender has dating wholistically easier over the other. I'm saying that there are trends that lead to typically disparate experiences for the genders.


This topic has been done to death and this angle is constantly overemphasized. All that does is antagonize the women here who struggle just as badly. The topic has been retired and you'll just get the thread shutdown if you persist.


It does antagonize the women who struggle here and make them less likely to contribute and, in turn, less likely to get support.

This is why we have and need specific forum rules.

I'm not trying to antagonise anybody, but I feel antagonised when people try to downplay the extent to which social trends and gender roles have contributed to my lack of success with dating.


You are downplaying the experience of others when you make this all about gender.

Everyone deserves empathy and support no matter what.

There's no need to make this a contest about who has it worse. It doesn't invalidate or belittle your personal struggles.



The Grand Inquisitor
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25 Jul 2022, 9:12 pm

Twilightprincess wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
And I'm saying that the experiences aren't as disparate as you think. There are plenty of women who struggle to find partners.

You do not need to make this about gender.

What makes you so sure that there's a similar number of women who can't find someone willing to date or have sex with them as there are men?


What makes you so sure that there isn't?

So far, you are basing your opinion on "social experiments" and personal observation. Both of those things are prone to bias and/or an incomplete picture.

Perhaps what you think you see going on on Tinder is not the whole story.

And so far, you haven't substantiated your opinion with anything.

There are a fair few things that inform my perception of this. A lot of it is personal experience, and seeing a fair few men and only a handful women experiencing what I'm experiencing. There's also the data that was released a few years ago about a slight increase in female virginity, but a stark increase in male virginity.

Everywhere I go on the internet that's about making new connections, there are a sea of men looking for a woman to talk to who seem to get no engagement, and a smaller number of women looking for men to talk to who get tons of engagement.

I could probably go on, but you haven't substantiated your view with anything, so I don't feel I need to go above and beyond to make my point.



funeralxempire
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25 Jul 2022, 9:13 pm

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
I'm not saying that one gender has dating wholistically easier over the other. I'm saying that there are trends that lead to typically disparate experiences for the genders.


This topic has been done to death and this angle is constantly overemphasized. All that does is antagonize the women here who struggle just as badly. The topic has been retired and you'll just get the thread shutdown if you persist.


It does antagonize the women who struggle here and make them less likely to contribute and, in turn, less likely to get support.

This is why we have and need specific forum rules.

I'm not trying to antagonise anybody, but I feel antagonised when people try to downplay the extent to which social trends and gender roles have contributed to my lack of success with dating.


It's not entirely a matter of intent. The tendency to always fixate on that angle by posters was tolerated until it was recognized as being intolerable, now that angle isn't allowed at all because anything short of not allowing it at all just allows the problem to continue.


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TwilightPrincess
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25 Jul 2022, 9:14 pm

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
And I'm saying that the experiences aren't as disparate as you think. There are plenty of women who struggle to find partners.

You do not need to make this about gender.

What makes you so sure that there's a similar number of women who can't find someone willing to date or have sex with them as there are men?


What makes you so sure that there isn't?

So far, you are basing your opinion on "social experiments" and personal observation. Both of those things are prone to bias and/or an incomplete picture.

Perhaps what you think you see going on on Tinder is not the whole story.

And so far, you haven't substantiated your opinion with anything.

There are a fair few things that inform my perception of this. A lot of it is personal experience, and seeing a fair few men and only a handful women experiencing what I'm experiencing. There's also the data that was released a few years ago about a slight increase in female virginity, but a stark increase in male virginity.

Everywhere I go on the internet that's about making new connections, there are a sea of men looking for a woman to talk to who seem to get no engagement, and a smaller number of women looking for men to talk to who get tons of engagement.

I could probably go on, but you haven't substantiated your view with anything, so I don't feel I need to go above and beyond to make my point.


The burden of proof rests on the person making the claim. You are the person making the claim - that women have it easier. It's not my job to prove that it's not true.

Your anecdotal evidence is not proof.



The Grand Inquisitor
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25 Jul 2022, 9:27 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
It's not entirely a matter of intent. The tendency to always fixate on that angle by posters was tolerated until it was recognized as being intolerable, now that angle isn't allowed at all because anything short of not allowing it at all just allows the problem to continue.

So does my feeling antagonised not count for anything then?



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25 Jul 2022, 9:28 pm

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
It's not entirely a matter of intent. The tendency to always fixate on that angle by posters was tolerated until it was recognized as being intolerable, now that angle isn't allowed at all because anything short of not allowing it at all just allows the problem to continue.

So does my feeling antagonised not count for anything then?


Surely, a person can express feelings without making sexist generalizations.



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25 Jul 2022, 9:32 pm

Twilightprincess wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
It's not entirely a matter of intent. The tendency to always fixate on that angle by posters was tolerated until it was recognized as being intolerable, now that angle isn't allowed at all because anything short of not allowing it at all just allows the problem to continue.

So does my feeling antagonised not count for anything then?


Surely, a person can express feelings without making sexist generalizations.

Is it sexist to acknowledge that there are general differences between the experiences of men and women?



funeralxempire
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25 Jul 2022, 9:33 pm

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
It's not entirely a matter of intent. The tendency to always fixate on that angle by posters was tolerated until it was recognized as being intolerable, now that angle isn't allowed at all because anything short of not allowing it at all just allows the problem to continue.

So does my feeling antagonised not count for anything then?


I'd say the only folks to blame are the people who insisted on beating that drum relentlessly any time women mentioned that it wasn't only men who struggle. You might not notice how often it occurs but obviously others do.

If you're antagonized by not being able to complain that you're one of many men, there's plenty of spaces for that specific complaint.


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TwilightPrincess
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25 Jul 2022, 9:34 pm

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
It's not entirely a matter of intent. The tendency to always fixate on that angle by posters was tolerated until it was recognized as being intolerable, now that angle isn't allowed at all because anything short of not allowing it at all just allows the problem to continue.

So does my feeling antagonised not count for anything then?


Surely, a person can express feelings without making sexist generalizations.

Is it sexist to acknowledge that there are general differences between the experiences of men and women?


It is sexist to claim that women have it easier because it invalidates the experience of women who struggle.

It's pointless and does not accomplish anything anyway. It's time to give it a rest IMO.



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25 Jul 2022, 9:36 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
It's not entirely a matter of intent. The tendency to always fixate on that angle by posters was tolerated until it was recognized as being intolerable, now that angle isn't allowed at all because anything short of not allowing it at all just allows the problem to continue.

So does my feeling antagonised not count for anything then?


I'd say the only folks to blame are the people who insisted on beating that drum relentlessly any time women mentioned that it wasn't only men who struggle. You might not notice how often it occurs but obviously others do.


That kept me from posting on here for awhile.



funeralxempire
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25 Jul 2022, 9:43 pm

Twilightprincess wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
It's not entirely a matter of intent. The tendency to always fixate on that angle by posters was tolerated until it was recognized as being intolerable, now that angle isn't allowed at all because anything short of not allowing it at all just allows the problem to continue.

So does my feeling antagonised not count for anything then?


I'd say the only folks to blame are the people who insisted on beating that drum relentlessly any time women mentioned that it wasn't only men who struggle. You might not notice how often it occurs but obviously others do.


That kept me from posting on here for awhile.


I don't blame you, there was a period I stopped posting because of a combination of what was normalized and how much concern it was given. Once that issue sorted itself out it certainly triggered backlash among posters who felt they would end up stifled.

There's trans posters who've commented (or acted) regarding being made to feel unwelcome because of how some hostility was completely normalized. Pushing back against that always prompts complaints about what's restricted but not restricting would be worse.

Every time there's an attempt to crack down on behaviour that makes others feel unwelcome and invalidated there's always some pushback but in the long-run it'll prove worth the effort.


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25 Jul 2022, 9:45 pm

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
It’s against the rules to say that a particular gender has it easier.

So it's against the rules to cite social trends that result in different average experiences for men and women?


Check out why this thread was locked:

viewtopic.php?f=6&t=405709&start=80

So are you saying you think the typical experience with online dating for men is similar to that of women?
In my opinion, it seems more like she is implying that it is your fault if this thread gets locked.



The Grand Inquisitor
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25 Jul 2022, 9:51 pm

Fnord wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
It’s against the rules to say that a particular gender has it easier.

So it's against the rules to cite social trends that result in different average experiences for men and women?


Check out why this thread was locked:

viewtopic.php?f=6&t=405709&start=80

So are you saying you think the typical experience with online dating for men is similar to that of women?
In my opinion, it seems more like she is implying that it is your fault if this thread gets locked.

She's the one that wanted to start talking about gender again



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25 Jul 2022, 9:53 pm

This is how the conversation got started:

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
I'd dare say most older non-religious male virgins are very interested in losing their virginity, but lack opportunities.



Many women probably feel the same way. This isn’t a gendered thing.

There are women out there who’ve never found a partner.

There would be some for sure, but most women who want a sex partner can make an account on tinder and find a legion of willing men to choose from. The same is not true for men who want to have sex with women.


You brought up the topic of gender by including the word "male" in your opening post, and it went downhill from there.



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25 Jul 2022, 10:02 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
Every time there's an attempt to crack down on behaviour that makes others feel unwelcome and invalidated there's always some pushback but in the long-run it'll prove worth the effort.


I think the change is very positive. If people don't like it, they can post on other platforms.

WP should be an inclusive place.