If you're 27 and never had a girlfriend, is it too late?

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One of the best explanations of the problem I've seen so far. I actually made a thread about how to solve it and no actual solution was presented. Men are f****d when they are forced to operate outside of social circles.

Because nobody makes friends after the age of five?

Because nobody's family moves every three years because mom is a diplomat or dad's in the military and therefore the kids start a new school, knowing NOBODY in that state/country four times by the times they finish high school?

Because nobody gets a new job in a city 5000 miles from their hometown, where they know exactly NOBODY and makes a life for themself that includes friends or a spouse?

Nobody who had no friends in high school goes off to college and finds their social groove?

Nobody gets bullied in elementary school and finds friends at camp instead?

Kids master all the social skills they'll ever need by age 5, so a kid who doesn't have any at that age is doomed?

Really?

OMFG, no!

You might also want to consider rethinking the giant chip on your shoulder. And if whatever you've done thus far hasn't worked -- go try something, anything else.

Or give up. If you truly believe you're doomed because you missed out on formative friend making experiences as a child, accept that you wish to be alone forever and stop bitching about it.

I HATE IT WHENEVER PEOPLE SAY IT IS NEVER TOO LATE!! ! OR BETTER LATE THAN NEVER!! !! !, YOU HAVE PLENTY OF TIME!! !!, IT'S NOT A RACE!! !!.

Seriously, I f****n' hate the rules of masculinity with a huge burning raging passion!! !

Yep. I don't deel sorry for them either.

None of this has any relevance to what I've said in this thread or the one I linked. Who even mentioned the age 5? If anyone did it wasn't me. And yeah, do you want a medal? Given the same effort, not everyone will have the same success in getting a useful social circle. I would have thought that a forum for autists would reject the just-world fallacies that the rest of the population shoves down our throats, but I guess there's always going to be exceptions.


OK, since you seem to know something that I don't even though you have zero experience in this position and I have tons, post your solution in my thread: viewtopic.php?t=289716

I'm all ears and it's not just for me, it's for all the other male autists in this situation.


Strawman

At least she likes you, and thinks of you in terms of romance and not friendship. IOW, you can be 100% she hasn't you in er friendzone.



Usually, but I don't think you can be sure of it.

Wrong. It's easy to understand how to meet stranger women regularly. This can for instance be done in hobby groups or at dances. Meeting women in social circles (friends groups), is mostly unusable since you already know these women and they have you in the friend-zone.

It is never too early. Fight, fight, fight, fight and fight, and then fight some more. People will laugh at you, BS you and try to make you give up. Just keep fighting till your last breath.

Seethe with rage! Women totally find it hot and a turn on! Blame "masculinity"! Blame society! Blame everybody except YOURSELF!

Because women should totally be flocking to guys like you -- unemployed, no career prospects, giant chip on shoulder and living with mommy and daddy at 27!!

There is a girl at work I was smitten with. I finally got up the nerve to ask her. Turned out she already had a boyfriend. But the sky did not fall. It turned out not to be so hard to do. I still say "Hi," and make small talk when we pass.

I've never seen anyone make them who didn't also at that age. They usually build on their existing social network, which is closed to those of us who don't have one of our own. When people move, more often than not, they retain some contact with their old friends, and sometimes someone they know knows in turn someone at the place they move to. Even in the infrequent event that they lose all their previous acquaintances and have to make a fresh start, they keep their experience and have interesting memories to share.

Lack of this foundation becomes a greater and greater obstacle as you grow up and lag farther and farther behind your peers socially, all but guaranteeing you'll never break out of your isolation, and will never qualify for any kind of interaction other than the bare minimum required by study and work, and being taken advantage of and bullied.



I've found myself a few times in a new environment. Other people did start almost immediately socializing and eventually sharing many meaningful events, but I remained as isolated as before. The only exception was bullying.



I wouldn't hesitate to do that for a second if I could and knew it; but I wouldn't expect to find friends, and much less a spouse.



I don't know whom that goes for, but the surrounding text suggests it's for me. Well, I'd like to know why you assume I have a chip on my shoulder. Just because I have my sh***y experience and I gave my opinion doesn't mean so. I'm perfectly aware the world doesn't owe me anything, and, when I described people's social behavior as seen from my point of view, I wasn't judging them. Life's the way it is. I like understanding it, and presumably so does the OP. It's the only way to make any informed choice about what you do.

On the other hand, there are people here who apparently like to jump to our throats as soon as we talk about our not-so-happy lives in an attempt to figure out what to do. If you don't feel sorry for us, that's fine. Noöne asked you to be, and, if our posts repulse you so much, you needn't read them. I don't recall having ever treated anybody that way.



That was the whole idea before anyone decided to chew us off. Unfortunately, there aren't always a lot of options.



That's a baffling non-sequitur. How does it follow that we wish to be alone forever? I fear there may very well be no way to avoid it, but I'm not going to stop looking for one. I don't think we are the ones doing the bitching.

Life is easy for some and hard for others. I have wished many times that things were different in my life but...
bitterness and blame serve no useful purpose. They will not bring you any closer to fulfilling your dreams but will instead alienate the very dreams you are trying to achieve.

I work in healthcare and come across young people, (the same or younger than the OP's age), who are paralyzed or bedridden through no fault of their own but they struggle to be pleasant, accepting, and find what joy they can in life. There are so many people worse off than you. It's your choice. Life foists on us a unique load of crap - how we deal with that pile of s**t determines who we are.

Seek what solace and support you can. Go ahead and post a list of "What I Hate About My Life." Then, to rescue yourself from that black pit, you must make an equally long list of "What is Good in My Life" and what you are actively doing to make your dreams come true. If what you want is acceptance then check that you are truly accepting of those who fall short of your ideal. It's frustrating when people say, "Be more confident!", as if its a switch we forgot to turn on. I realize I might never be that person I imagine that can tell an entertaining story, get up and dance without inhibition, or find a friend but I keep hoping to connect and I keep searching. Happiness starts with hope.

Building a mutual relationship prior to asking a girl out makes a better relationship, so I've heard.

"Lack of this foundation becomes a greater and greater obstacle as you grow up and lag farther and farther behind your peers socially, all but guaranteeing you'll never break out of your isolation, and will never qualify for any kind of interaction other than the bare minimum required by study and work, and being taken advantage of and bullied."

I'm 53 and I have not found that to be true. It seems I am able to fit in better than I did when I was younger. As people lose friends as they get older they feel more lonely. And the experience I have gained and what people I've known add up over time.

No you are not too old for a girlfriend. Being in a relationship is not a life requirement. Do things that you enjoy and make you happy. I think you believe that having a girl will make you feel happy. Maybe that will or maybe it will not. Mostly rely on yourself to make you happy.

About the bitterness towards women, don't feel that way. Not all women are bad. Just because a female did not return your feelings does not make her a bad person. I am sure there was a girl you once turned down because she was not your type.

Remember having a girlfriend won't make your life easier. Being in a relationship makes your life harder. I don't mean picking up girls is hard, I mean being in a long term relationship is hard. Trying to sync too different lives, the lack of privacy, the lack time to do your own thing. Being in a relationship is extremely time consuming so if you already feel like you don't have enough hours in the day getting a girlfriend might make this worse.