Do women simply just dislike Aspie men?

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My wife makes more than I do.

I don’t have:

Looks
Status
Wealth
Height

And I’m a nerd to boot. And have irritating Aspie traits (ask my wife!)

Yet I have done okay for myself.

Look at this guy. He got married and has a kid. He dares to think outside the box. He is an inspiration.

https://youtu.be/8jhcxOhIMAQ

If I was an aspie man here's what I would do:

I would go and volunteer in an animal shelter, or if I was religious I would do something to help the needy that was affiliated to my place of worship or some other cause I was passionate about requiring compassion and empathy . I would express my compassion in a practical sense if I couldn't verbalize it. I would think there would be a fair amount of smart, caring women volunteering also who I could get to know more than superficially for a lengthy period of interaction who would grow to love, my aspie attributes.

That's what I would do.

Teach51, I did have a quick few questions since it seems like you're tying to field a lot of missing information.

If there's anything I've had drummed into me, especially in the last 20 years, it seems like most people are out to value-gauge each other. It's a bit like the very point is for people to ignore and overlook personal qualities and cultivation, and like many other places like in the work market and anywhere else the hustle is about meeting a new person, pulling out the most arcane measuring stick, measuring that person shoulder to shoulder with it, telling them that they're a midget and that it's on you to prove them wrong. The closest analogy I can think of is if someone goes to a used car lot, slams the car to the salesman, makes all kinds of disingenuous guesstimates and claims about what's probably under the hood or on the frame or underbody, and when the salesman opens the hood the would-be buyer refuses to look and still adamantly adheres to their initial pronouncement that the car is worth something like 20 cents on the dollar for the sales price. This doesn't seem to be just an aspie problem, it's much more universal.

Where I think aspies tend to fall down, ie. the pervasiveness of bad-faith social games. To anyone who knows what the requirements are of staying sane, healthy, and productive in society it means squaring your inner life and taking these people seriously and trying to graft any model of our inner lives onto their assessments seems like a call for self-injury, ie. it's a no go to engage their value judgments (to do otherwise is a bit like pouring an ashtray into your brain and heart every day).

My questions on that would be:

1) Can you think of any social loop holes where people can show their best traits and meet people who are trying to find someone who matches them well rather than being a completely fungible commodity (the 'insert girlfriend here' or 'insert boyfriend here' common approach)?

2) What's the best way to, even if you sure as heck wouldn't date them, wrangle some kind of understanding out of all of the bad actors out there where potential parters aren't thinking 'You know, he/she has a lot of redeeming values but wow do they have a bullseye on their back for them'? My best efforts have been to gray-rock narcissists and when I run into other sorts of people who don't feel comfortable with anyone who isn't precisely like them without dominating them - I have to let that mix like oil and water within the parameters of what social disagreement is allowed to look like. I'll be as polite to people as I can be but no more, and I'm wondering if there might be anything else in the equation I'm missing? The only other thing I can add - there are rare opportunities if someone doesn't like me and needs help to bail them out without them knowing I did it but even those - with everyone watching their backs and competing against one another - seem to be very rare indeed.

3) Do you think there's any hope of this sort of culture being cleaned up before the much more even-keeled portion of NT's get run out of the population by refusing to run that race? This actually worries me more than whether or not I even end up dating - I have a lot of interests, can stay quite busy, but it would be a sinking feeling to consider that the world around me is burning (which then makes me feel like - if I myself am not having kids - that I'm then part of why the sociopaths are winning).