Making Friends with Guys Without Having Them Fall for Me

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That's a good idea and all, but a lot of guys just don't understand, that when a girl says she just wants to be friends, that's what she means. Some of them will hang around anyways, hoping she will change their mind. Also, a lot of guys, don't usually "develop" feelings for a girl, because the attraction was most likely there from the beginning. Instead of being up-front and getting rejected, they use the subtle, backdoor approach to try to get with women.

Sorry, I forgot how the NT:s think What I wrote would probably be effective only if the guy would be somewhere in the autistic spectrum. It would work with me, since I am an aspie. We seem to understand literal meanings better and tend to be honest. Here we go again...

In general it's better if no approaching takes place, it's better to meet new friends while you a engaging in a hobby or something that has a small amount of forced social contact.

We're getting better at it though, one day we'll even defeat our genetic instincts to become better people.

Anyway my advice is simple, guys who form platonic friendships with women probably have female friends already, that makes them easy enough to spot just look for a guy who hangs out with women.

so what we conclude after all these stories and the stories in the other thread?(Desire and the Destruction of Friendships)

I ll let MissC to figure this out.

Me: 1 - MissC: 0

:p

How am I zero?

Looking through these posts, there seems to be a good amount of friendships not based on destructions and I guess you forgot to read mine. Of course there's going to be some attractions involved with the opposite sex.....is that all destructive? I've done the same thing before, but that doesn't mean all intergender friendships are (wrong)?

Anyway I have no time for childish sports. You seem to think everything is black and white and your insight thus so far here has been vague and angry. Not all friendships are built on attraction.....trust me I know or I wouldn't have had guy friends.

Good day.

I don't believe that there can be a "platonic" relationship between men and women.

If a woman says "I like you but not in that way" what does that mean?

It means "You are a wimp and I don't see you as a potential sexual partner or mate"

Because..... I said so !



Angry insight? I am totally calm.

You were the one who was reacting in anger and taking my posts sooo personal(like if I am attacking you or something), you can just take my posts in grain of salts and not reacting that much, I have a point of view and you have yours.

And oh ...i am sure that some guy friends secretly fancy you .

I've had friendships with girls that have been platonic, i've not even had the urge to sleep with them *gasp*. You do indeed have a point of veiw, but your point of veiw is inherrently incorrect, your PoV seems to be based on what you want the world to be like as opposed to how it actually is.

I second that opinion, I have way more platonic friendships with girls than I have friendships with guys.

If it's at that point, to say things like that, it's already a problem causing unease because the signals are wrong.

I don't get a lot of this, both as in not understand, and also as in not happen. Maybe the friendships of issue in this thread are too close to start off with, and perhaps too exclusive.
Or perhaps based on one party seeking to get to know the other because they find them attractive, but the cues are missed or not stated, and the other party only seeing the friendship side of this.

Anyhow, if you are foccussing a large amount of time, physical proximity and attention on one person, who sees that is not how you normally interact with everyone else, it will give them the incorrect signals. Which would not happen if they saw you as part of a group, or they saw this is just your friendship "style". This could just as easily go the other way and cause unease, even in a friend of the same gender if they are heterosexual.

So I'm afraid it's not that some people are just thouroughly irresistable, or others are doomed to be told a propos of nothing "you're not my type"- it's not both sides not being aware of intent..

Of course, as someone who keeps almost everyone at arms length, (literally too, I have personal space issues), and has to ration the time they can endure in anyone's company- it's easy to comment .

I agree with Lexxi. I think it's generally tough for a heterosexual man to have a strictly platonic relationship with a woman who isn't a blood relative!

I worked as an engineer for several years, so most of my co-workers were men and became good friends. Since I was married, as were some of them, lines were never crossed, but OH how the story would've been different if we were all single!

Maybe you can somehow find a nice asexual man or two.

What difference does that make? If it's tough if she isn't related then why is it not tough if she is. I think of my female friends like they were sisters, or in some cases like they are my daughters. To me they feel like they are relatives in a way. I don't want to do anything that would hurt them. I am more interested in what is happening inside their mind. Their feelings are more important to me than my own. I understand sexual attraction and I can see your point of view, but it is stereotyping to assume all men who are heterosexual would be unable to have platonic friendships with women. It just isn't so.

Is anyone else thinking of that quote from When Harry Met Sally?

Harry: You realize of course that we could never be friends.

Sally: Why not?

Harry: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.

Sally: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.

Harry: No you don't.
Sallyt: Yes I do.
Harry: No you don't.
Sally: Yes I do.
Harry: You only think you do.

Sally: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?

Harry: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.

Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: How do you know?

Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.

Sally: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?

Harry: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.

Sally: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?

Harry: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.

That's one of my favourite movies.

So basically you all are saying that the desire of MathGirl's heart is something that simply can never be, and that I live in a state of self deceit on a daily basis. That's alright. It's not a show stopper if I cannot convince you. Just because you, and all of your friends and a section from a Hollywood production claims it doesn't exist, that doesn't make it so. But whatever.

MathGirl. I really believe you will eventually find what you are looking for, in spite of the nay Sayers. I wish you the best.

To Willmark and MathGirl,
Hey I never said it wasn't possible, of course it is and should be, just stated in the post I made where I thought some of the issues MIGHT have come from that have caused problems.

It's a rotten world if friendship is seen as as some "second-best" state of denial.