I Have Given Up.

Post Reply New Topic

Demon-Chorus you are hopeless... for now.

Whenever I meet a young person with.... let's call them misguided ideas, I relish the fact that they will eventually figure it out when they get older and think back, and fondly remember this goofy >30-something who tried to help them but they wouldn't listen.

Oh you need to fix that. Not necessarily so you could pursue a relationship with a female friend, although that is a possibility under right circumstances, but so you can receive 1st hand perspective that only a woman can give you. I have several female friends, some former colleagues, some fellow athletes, some friends of friends. I love getting together with them. They almost always suggest to set me up with their friends, or offer advice, or we just chat about how hot the guy at Starbucks was or how huge a crush I have on Evangeline Lilly.

I, being in the same boat as the original poster sympathize with his frustrations

lets not kid ourselves, us being aspie unfortunately have been dealt a bad hand of cards in this life game and it requires tremendous effort and lotsa luck to even out any chances.

what is a bit unfortunate is the turn that the thread has taken, if we were to go by the saying "you are either part of the problem or part of the solution" i think many posters here are clearly defined.

i gave up also. recent diagnosis of AS plus a recent rejection helped me along to this conclusion

i'll be all right once i can afford my own place again, that way i can become a hermit, except for having to go to work unfortunately. i hate my job right now too

I wish things were better for you. I often feel the same way, and do everything I can to improve things.

If you want to PM me, feel free.

I hope you're not being sarcastic here. You really think Aspies can suddenly learn to act NT? Mind you we UNDERSTAND this intellectually.

Gee you must be a genius - nobody here EVER thought of that.

Actually it's insane not to give up if the same results keep happening - even rats give up when they are fooled into pressing buzzers and the lab techs stop putting cheese in the box for the reward - and humans are much smarter.

BS it is natural to find a mate - nothing creepy about it - not wanting to find a mate, on the other hand, IS kinda creepy. This I agree with.

So it comes full circle - make 'em laugh, the imbeciles, do not consider her having an intellect or the capacity of being serious - treat them ALL THE SAME. And BTW EVERY woman knows that if you ask her out you want to get into her pants eventually - you just have to act like you don't care one way or another with HER - it's all about posturing, not fact.

Partly right about the meeting venue, but wrong about the timing - there is NO set way - each woman prefers a different timing so here you just have to take a chance (it's ok you'll most likely be wrong, but if she has empathy she will overlook it - if not, you just got rid of an unsympathetic loser).

This was right. The next part, however, is dead wrong!! ! Do NOT hug her on the fist date!! ! It's WAY too soon!! !! ! shake her hand.

Of course most Aspies will likely blow it so stop shoveling out the false encouragement, PLEASE!! ! And BTW way dinner is too serious for a second date. Hang out at the mall or something equally low-pressure.

Personally I stay away from it for 2-3 months or until she brings it up.

Yes this part is right.

How do you assume any particular strengths the poster may have - and why do you assume he has not read any of the current lit?

One size does NOT fit all.

The OP may have just wanted to vent after a frustrating experience.

So what is better than "predominantly Western societal norms"? To make him married with a 13 years old girl like in KSA ?

Life is phases, this is a fact, you can't change it.

If he has a zero experience, then finding a mate of his age range at age of 39 is way harder than a decade ago , women of his age range would be way more experienced than him, he would hardly be compatible with anyone in term of relationship maturity and experience.

I am in involuntary celibacy too , but I don't really care, I am more and more embracing it.

-It is not a fact, it's an arbitrary societal set of "rules." Chronological aging is a fact, and is inevitable (at least, right now), but the prescribed "milestones" have been entirely societally dictated over time. One is always free to ignore them and/or to make new ones for oneself.

-*I'm* in his age range, at 41. I've had very little "romantic" experience, and I'm extremely socially immature.

-That's good if it works for you, and you're satisfied with your plight, but it most definitely doesn't work for all (including myself).

That's your problem and the OP's problem, you are romantically immature because you have screwed the phases when you were supposed to gain experience, now the vast majority have mates or have way more experience than you, that's why it's very hard for you to succeed now.

It's like the work market , if some fresh graduated engineer went into coma for 20 years and then woke up , he still a great engineer tho but has zero experience, would any employer hire him?

*I* didn't screw anything, darling, it was screwed for me (excessive female height, excessive IQ, stunted/nonexistent social skills). I played no active part in any of that; I've never had any idea how to work with the cards I was dealt, though, and there's never been anyone intelligent or sympathetic enough to be qualified to show me (i.e., some kind of mentor).

I especially enjoy your smug and arrogant retorts, by the way. Doesn't sound like you're doing that fabulously on the romance front, either, toots.

Either you screwed it , screwed since birth , or screwed by others or whatever was the cases, you still way delayed than others of your age and so you wouldn't have a great chance to be selected . Natural selection is objective, it doesn't care about your feelings.

I am not saying it's completely hopeless for you and the OP, but if you had a success chance let's say of 30% when you were 20 years old then you would have only a 5% chance at age of 40.

Why you want a mate that bad? There are more than 6 bils on earth, we don't more breedings. Besides, it would be better to not pass any autism genes to the next generation.

You just want sex and companionship? Use your savings to get an escort.

Male escorts are way less costly than their female counterparts by the way (due to demand and offer balance), so if you are straight then you are lucky in that regard.




It's a double-edged sword quality on the romance front , with poor social savvy , I usually use the wrong edge.

Tall is sexy. Smart is sexy. Although I can understand how that's intimidating to a "normal" guy. As far as social skills, I feel you on that one.

Excessive shortness in males is unsexy (I am one by the way)

Excessive tallness in females is unsexy too, it becomes an unfavorable trait if it's too excessive.

From evolutionary point of view , shortness in men is evolutionary disadvantageous since it's considered a physical weakness and since it harms the offspring's change to get a mate, that's why they aren't favored, simple as that.

Excessive tallness in women is also evolutionary disadvantageous since it would harm the female offspring's change to get a mate later(sine men don't find it attractive), in other term it's evolutionary disadvantageous to have daughters with the same problem (it can be a good hereditary trait for the male offspring tho, but this trait might be X-related, so why risking?)

Last edited by LePetitPrince on 10 Sep 2009, 1:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I dunno about the tall thing.

I met an athlete called Jade Johnson once, she is a long-jumper. She was 6 foot 4 (or 6 foot 5) but she was pretty, I still found her attractive, even though she is a few inches taller than I am lol.

Actually, they do - not here in the land of the SFUS (that's short, fat, ugly, and stupid), though, of course. In the lands of my ancestors, however - Latvia and Denmark, specifically - tall women are pretty common, and viewed as highly attractive. I have several male mates overseas in the Netherlands, Scandinavia, and Germany, and all of them have expressed disbelief and outright horror at the way I've been treated all my life because of my height. They can't fathom it, because to them, it's unthinkable. According to my European pals, at 6'1", I'd not be out of the ordinary in their countries, and would probably attract more male attention than I'd know what to do with (their words). It's all relative. I just wish that there were some way for me to legally move overseas; I'd be gone from this country of Lollipop Guild/Lullabye League troglodytes in a heartbeat.