i have a dilemma. thoughts? advice? hear me out?

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obviously you still haven't grasped her sarcasm.

and because i'm up to debate and have heard different facts i'll contribute to this.
statistically kids are maturing faster these days. chalk it up to the higher learning in our classrooms, the evolution of our culture, or the hormones in our food.

sure, you'll still find ones who aren't as mentally mature. but you find those at all ages. i've seen 30 yr olds display behavior and lack of understanding fitting of 13 yr olds.

on the other hand i've been told i'm more mature than some 30 yr olds some people know. and this was coming from other people in their 30's range.

age doesn't necessarily mandate maturity.

i'm not saying this so much in my defense. i just like to make sure people are getting all the facts to make informed decisions

I guess I'll share my experience...

When I was 18, I dated a 15 year old for 2 months (nothing illegal ever happened though, or else it would've been a Class A Misdemeanor for me). At first she was really nice, and I enjoyed the relationship. Then about halfway through she became really mean and manipulative. Not to mention some other drama that came with that relationship...

You two have an even bigger age gap, though. She may seem nice now, but she probably realizes that she would be able to manipulate you with that. What you can't be sure about is if she will want to... I'd say it's not worth the risk, because the courts would favor her 100% over you.

You're not dirty or a pedophile for being attracted to her, though. The prime age for breeding is around age 15 (and in fact, it was a normal occurance until a couple centuries ago), so of course it's only natural to be attracted to girls who are more fertile.

I recommend just being friends. I've known 14 year olds who've had 19 year old friends before, so there's nothing wrong with that. Don't just sit around and wait for her either, though. Find someone closer to your age to date. But if way later on, you're both single, and she wants you to go to senior prom with her... I'd say go for it.

lol, sounds like a plan. i'd definitely go to senior prom with her

Have you ever actually spoken to a 14-year-old? And do you have any arguments that aren't "I'm older than you, so there!"??

Actually, it has everything to do with what society considers adulthood. You've said so yourself; they aren't in control of their lives, they aren't taken seriously, etc. Those are rights not afforded to 'underage' people. In fact, according to the law, young people in North America are, for most intents and purposes, essentially the property of their parents. They don't have the right to make any decision for themselves; they need parental permission to do everything. If That isn't a violation of rights then I don't know what is.



Why? Explain to me why you believe this, because at the moment I'm taking you way less seriously than I would a 14 year old who is actually able to back up something he says. Once again, I've offered plenty of points as to why you can't just state that all 14 year olds are incapable of making rational decisions, and even if you could, there's no reason that you can't also state that all 19 year olds are also incapable of making the same rational decisions. Since there's no law against 14 year old people having sexual relations with somebody their own age, it's that discrepancy in judgment and the assumption that the older party must be manipulating the younger that leads to the statutory laws. So, explain to me exactly why all 14 year olds lack this judgment and why all 19 year olds have it, and then you might start to have a point.



What's self evident is that you've pretty much completely ignored most of what I've said. What's self evident is that this attempt to hold back maturity and retain 'innocence' is primarily a north american phenomenon only. What's self evident is that in most places around the world, people are considered adults as soon as they physically have the capacity to procreate. What's self evident is that in many places around the world, people are married, have children, and are moved out from their parents house by the time they are 14-16, not 18. They're doing just fine. What's self evident is that this is obviously a social phenomenon, hence completely arbitrary, and has very little, if anything, to do with physical development, as myself and several others have said. Some people become mature much faster than others; some people never do, and some people just happen to, completely by coincidence, reach certain thresholds in maturity at around the same time the 'law' says they do. However, this is an average only, and a gross overgeneralization cannot be applied to an individual case; nor should it even be meant to. That's one of the hugest, glaring fallacies of laws like these. The only way to determine an individual's level of maturity is to simply observe their conduct and ability to rationalize and provide logical justification for their thoughts and feelings first hand.



Yeah, as if the law has any bearing on how reality actually works. If they did, they'd be the same everywhere instead of completely arbitrary like they are. In reality, most laws were made up at the whim of whatever nutjob was in power at the time. Equating law to morality is a huge, albeit very common mistake, because they have precisely squat to do with each other.



At any rate, I think the main dilemma of this thread has already been pretty much resolved. The danger, however unreasonable, is too great compared to the benefits. There is a plan to try to retain some of those benefits until the risk dissipates, however, as has been stated, this plan has dangers of its own. There is the possibility that even maintaining a casual online relationship could be manipulated and misconstrued in an attempt by any number of possible malicious people against you, and there's the possibility that should you eventually have a physical relationship after it becomes legal, your previous relationship will still be held against you by said malicious people. However, those possibilities seem far easier to get around than the former, and when it comes down to it, there isn't actually any proof by which you could even be charged, let alone convicted. Juries nowadays are, despite many of the claims here, becoming more aware of the fact that young girls are maturing more rapidly, and are becoming more cynical to their cries of wolf when they try to exploit their image of innocence in, ironically, the most manipulative fashion. What I'd try to do is keep your online relationship as untraceable as possible, and even when she becomes old enough, wait a couple more months at least or break it off altogether for some months to throw off the scent, then, out of the blue, just re-establish contact and suggest a meeting.

Jesus fcuking Christ leave this girl alone. She is a child, dude you are an adult,. Even if you both wait 4 years, Lol that btw is funny and totally shows how unrealistic and inexperienced you seem, the relationship will probably not last, you will both be in different place, maturely and mentally. Christ.

I'm 41. I've attended 2 universities (and a college, too, but that one doesn't count, long story); I hold a B.A. in Communication. I've lived with a (now-ex) bf; I've had my own flats, as well. I lived in Los Angeles on 3 separate occasions, and then in Chicago for almost 9 years. I've had a series of what might've been construed as "real" jobs. I've paid my own bills, navigated cities on my own, made decisions that were poor in hindsight, but made them nonetheless. I discovered about a year and a half ago (via old grade school transcripts) that I qualified for membership in Mensa.

In spite of fitting your criteria for "adulthood," I'm most definitely NOT an adult. I can't plan my way out of a paper bag. I have no idea what I want out of life. I have no goals. Socially and emotionally, I'm at the level of an average high schooler. I've had 1 "real" relationship, which I allowed to go on far longer than it should have, simply because I had no experience and didn't know any better. "Adult" issues like 401Ks, retirement savings, mortgages, and the like are lost on me. I take whatever jobs I can find, because there's nothing I really want to do with any kind of passion, and because I'm not really qualified to do much of anything. I've gotten booted from jobs right and left because I won't play the game, cover folks' asses, toe the party line, lie, cheat, or steal. I moved from Chicago back to my tiny hometown in Connecticut (to live with my dad), because I was jobless and, for all intents and purposes, homeless (I couldn't keep infringing on my poor ex-bf's hospitality). I promised my dad that I'd help him get the family house ready to sell; after that, I have no idea what I'm going to do.

My sister-in-law and her sister had a nightmare childhood and upbringing; their whackjob of a mom kicked the older sister out of her home when the girl was just 15 (illegal, but that was southern Florida). She drifted around and made some terribly poor choices, but ultimately, she straightened herself out. She's now in her late 30s, and is a highly-respected Air Force Major; she's married, as well, and has two lovely little girls. My sis-in-law bounced around so often that she finally dropped out of high school; she went for her GED years later. While 19 and living with the older sister, she met my brother (who's also a Major in the Air Force); they've been married for 12 years and are doing quite well, and have three wonderful little boys.

Chronological age means nothing.

I agree with both sides of this argument. Just because one is 14 does not mean that you are automatically incapable of sound reasoning. However, conversely, many 14 year olds DO happen to be unreasonable. Many 'adults' are as well.

I have not changed or 'matured' much at all since I was a teenager so I don't buy into the whole.. "you'll be a completely different person when you grow up" thing. However, I have learned that I am, for the most part, an exception to the rule.

*Shrug*

I'm going to skip over all the drama and just answer the OP

I say drop her like a hot potato. Remember when you posted about her to begin with and I told you something about her seemed off? You owe me 20 bucks. Anyway, my gut says she's trouble. You're a smart guy, you do have a lot to offer for your years, I say chalk it up to a learning experience and move on.

wow, i finally created a thread that's generated at least 5 pages.
i'm oddly proud in a way.

i guess controversial stuff did the trick.

It helps to come back every once in a while and respond to the posters. Thanking people and providing comments are also good for long thread lengths. Your topic material was quality as well.

I give you an A+

They probably say thats alright because they'd assume both of them what they are doing. Despite the fact a 14 year old boy can easily be as manipulated and as immature as a 14 year old girl.

Such is the double standards and hypocrisy of most of society these days.

Last edited by Daemonic-Jackal on 11 Sep 2009, 8:47 am, edited 1 time in total.

Sorry if I'm beating a dead horse but something just occured to me - along with BobTheMartian's statement that "14=immature" is a strictly North-American phenomenon: Perhaps the reason 14 year olds ARE immature here is because society treats them like children and doesn't allow them any responsibility and expects them to be flakey.
Society's expectations seem to have a lot to do with how people act.

You are right. We've gone Dick Cheney with the kids. We protect them, we control them, we don't want them to get hurt. We monitor their movements with GPS phones, we talk to them every 5 minutes, we make sure kids have what they need every step of the way. We tell them what to do, we expect nothing from them. Soccer, piano, ballet. Tutors, counselors, diagnosers, therapists. It's always someone else's fault, never junior's.

When they turn 18 we send them off to college away from home.......

Now you know why the kids are so confused and don't want to take any responsibility. Life is one big hang-out.

I completely agree with this. Humans in actuality are supposed to be adults somewhere between the ages of 13-15. The reason teenagers are so stupid and rebellious is because their instincts tell them they're adults, but they've never been taught to be responsible like one.

prolly one of the few A+s i've ever recieved. seeing as most of my teachers didn't believe in anything higher than an A.
and that some only gave out A's to overachievers. excellency isn't excellent anymore. constantly raising the bar to staggering new heights...