Signs of the "not potential partner"-zone.

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Misogyny comes in different flavors. Some of it is scary. Some of it is just annoying. some of it can be ignored if it comes in a pretty enough package (the men you are referring to). A man who sees women as notches on bedposts is misogynistic, yes, but not scary. He'll have sex with them and then never see them again. This may infuriate women, but it isn't scary. After getting sufficient sex, they leave women in peace, not pieces. This makes women angry and infuriated but it doesn't make them change the locks on their doors. Scary is the flavor of misogynist who sees women not as sexual conquests, but rather as symbols What Is Wrong With All Women. A man like that will kill women and say they earned it. George Sodini. If women are getting even the slightest hint of that, survival instinct will make them cut off relations before they get hurt- and hopefully before the man in question fixates on them enough to present a danger. That's what HH was getting at. These women may be trying to extract themselves in an unobtrusive, unmemorable way.

Or maybe that's completely wrong and it's something else entirely. But I'm going by post content which contains sympathy for men who go off the rails on shooting sprees. Anf the avatar does broadcast seething rage under a mask, as b9 astutely pointed out.


I forgot about the weight thing. Yea, that's going to cut the prospects down. But not down to zero. There are fat men with girlfriends. Of course these girlfriends are frequently fat themselves, so maybe that's an untapped demographic for him. But I am getting a seething rage vibe that doesn't come across ion other dateless posters who simply seem baffled and sad, not angry. Bafflement and sadness is a lot easier to fix than rage.

ROFL. Nope, I've been arguing the opposite. OMGROFL.

Everything I've been saying comes from the premise that women can't read men's minds. Therefore they can't tell which ones will go violent or stalker-y on them. So to get by and stay alive, they have to guess. There are certain cues that reliably indicate a greater likelihood of violent behavior. It's not rational to treat men who give off those cues the same as you treat others. You have no way of knowing whether any one of them will do something scary, but you do know the probability is higher than that of the general population, so it'd be stupid not to treat them as dangerous.

Further, because women can't read minds, they can't tell which responses to a scary dude are most likely to let them get away unscathed. They have to just make their best guess and go with it.

Brilliantly expressed, Janissey. Go read Janissey if I seem unclear.

Agreed that misogyny is a problem, I think even much more so for other reasons than what women think of a guy. Just that I had to make it clear - for most guys who have problems with women (same for women who have problems with guys), taking the higher road has to be a matter of the quality of their single lives and their reflection upon themselves. For guys not to be that way it has to be unconditional, as in even if you happen to be traditionally good looking on some level but are say unattractive to the opposite sex for facial expressive reasons, over how you vibe up - you have to realize that nothing will fix that. You'll likely be single, you'll likely die single, being a great person and well-achieved just helps evade the notion that you've had a wasted or inferior life (and particularly a life that was as it was because you were weak or 'came up short' relative to your own capacities).

Being the better human being and choosing to understand that the whole way the human race is wired makes this a terrible existence - that its expressly no one's fault - is the best outlook to have as in looking at it that way you realize that you aren't uniquely miserable or uniquely being picked on by life. Usually when guys have terrible burning hatred its because they feel like they have been, this is of course one of many forms of victimhood, victim-type thought, and the real evil of the 'victim' mentality can be seen in almost any application - if your really are a victim in your own mind and a group or a few people have victimized you, almost any sort of treatment toward an abuser seems justified. It takes a good deal of baring to see ones way through that and not think of ones self as a victim whether racially, economically, or in this case sexually. As far as life goes though we have control over what we can do for ourselves directly by our own works, we have control over perhaps work or friendship situations where doing something positive begets positive feedback. Past that though, free will ends and the rest of a person's sense of 'place' really is governed by societal dynamics beyond their control.

Most of the women I get interested in romantically I have been friends with for some time. It just happens I develop deeper feelings for them and I let them know. By this time I told them some time ago that I need people to be honest say what they mean, mean what they say. So I would think by then they would know me as a friend and feel safe enough so that being honest with me is the only way I can get the message. But when they say they are not ready for a relationship, then decide to go out with the new guy they meet next week, its deceptive and misleading. I can't be friends with someone like that. I have stayed friends with women thta have just told me they are not interested me romantically because they were honest. Once they say no and I stay friends, I keep it at the friendship level.

No one has suggested you should be or stay friends with anyone you don't want to.

What we are telling you is that harboring resentment over this is dysfunctional. Toddler-iffic, really. And that you are making yourself horribly creepy with all your resentment-cherishing.

HH how old are you? I'm 41, never been on a date or had a LTR. I have been trying all my life since I was 17 or so to find someone. Everyone rejects me. Its hard not to be resentful when for almost 25 years all you have known is rejection and I hear the same reasons time after time. I try to change and adapt but I still get rejected so I don't know what to do anymore. I know someday I will kill myself over not having anyone and no one giving me a chance.

This smacks of a bs attempt to make your behavior sound different from what it is, given that you referred to these situations as you having been "trying for months".

Whatever HH you don't know me. You posts have made me very depressed and I am going to report you for emotional abuse.

Ok. I'm not sure how telling someone their obsession with resentment makes them creepy is supposed to be "emotional abuse". Especially since you asked for the information you got -- you said you wanted to know why women don't like you.

ETA: I'm much amused by the notion that the above would be emotional abuse, but telling female posters that you identify with massacring women would not be.

Last edited by HH on 01 Nov 2009, 10:30 am, edited 1 time in total.

You make it sound like I want to feel like this. If you knew nothing but recetion all your life you would not lep but feel resentful too. Don't tell me to change my atitude, look at things from another point of view, ect.. I have tryed everything to change how I feel and nothing helps.

Ken, have you discussed any of this with a therapist or other mental health professional?

I think that largely depends on the woman. Personally, I will talk about this in front of anyone because, as far as I'm concerned it's not disgusting, it's a natural female bodily function of women of a certain age and I don't really give a toss what people think about that. Having said that, I usually talk about periods/PMS in front of guys I like to see if they can handle me talking about it. At the end of the day, a man has to be able to handle periods if he is to live with a woman just like a woman has to handle, for example, her boyfriend's farting and leaving beard hairs on the sink after trimming and, quite frankly, I think these are more disgusting, but hey, this is what people do. If a guy can't handle period/PMS talk, he isn't worth the bother.



Yeah, fair enough, I think this is a very clear indication that she fancies someone else.



Teenagers may behave like this, but not many adults that I have met do, this is rubbish. I have only dated one man that has fit this 3rd criteria, and that was during school. I am a petite, slim woman with curves and he was a taller, slim male. My second boyfriend was fat, but taller than me, my third boyfriend was the same height as me and fat (sometimes, his weight fluctuated) and my current boyfriend is disabled whereas I'm fit and healthy. So, apart from at school, I have never followed this criteria. Personality is a far more important quality than how he looks. The only reason why most of my boyfriends have been taller than me is because it really isn't that difficult to be taller than me!



Why is this a problem? If I was you I'd be thinking 'more women, wahey!! !'. No seriously now, I don't understand this one. I do know that some women like you to meet her female friends before you start dating. I once had a female friend tell me that she likes to do this to see if he will try it on with anyone else and, if he doesn't, then she knows he will be faithful. Not something I would do (I don't have that many female friends, plus the ones I do have are all taken so hey) but each to their own I say.



In my case, yes I do like older males, but I have dated men of the same age as myself, but never younger. My sister, on the other hand, seems to prefer younger men, so I guess, once again, it's each to their own.



I can see how this, for a lot of people, could be a massive problem, but not for everybody. Personally, I would not date a Muslim, Sikh or Jew as I would then have to convert to their religious beliefs, something that would go against my personal feelings. Although I know that this works for other people, but just not for me. I want to be able to be myself with someone and, if I have to convert to another faith, it means I would then lose a part of myself and I would be unhappy. This may then, in turn, make my partner unhappy too and what would be the point of that when he could have found someone more suitable for him?



Agreed, but then popular males do this as well.



I really really wish people would read my posts. I am getting really sick of explaining this particular complaint time and time again. So let me explain this yet again for the benefit of those who choose to ignore me. Women like me, who don't give a toss about how much money a guy earns, truly do exist in vast numbers. I earn 5 times more money than my boyfriend does, yet I'm not rich by any means. The reason for this is because my boyfriend is far too sick to work and has been for the past 10 years of his life, and his conditions are getting worse with age. I have been with him for nearly 3 and a half years and we have been living together for over a year of that time. I love him very much and have no plans whatsoever to leave him. I have been propositioned by healthier and wealthier men and have turned them all down in favour of my boyfriend. Do I sound like I'm after him for his money? I can tell you all this now, I bet you there are far more women who would date a disabled man than there are men who would date a disabled woman....



All friends need favours at some stage, however, I would never personally ask a favour off a friend if I knew he fancied me as that's not nice.

KenM, the "nothing helps" is not credible. "Nothing I want to do helps" would be credible. What does your psychiatrist say about all this anger?

Fiz, I get a lot of laughs out of the "you have to have more money than she does" notion too.

I understand why some guys cling to it though, and seek women for whom that is true. For women like you and me, the *only* value a man has in our lives is the pleasure of his company, in all the richness and variety that goes with that. Of course, that means we won't choose a man unless his company is a pleasure.

A lot of guys are terrified of that notion -- they don't want to be held to that standard. They would much rather hope that they can purchase affection somehow.

Add me to that list! End of.