How do you know if your standards are too high?

Post Reply New Topic

What I am looking for:

A female Aspie who is a Christian (but not fundamentalist), does not drink, smoke, or use drugs, lives in the San Antonio-Austin metro area, likes the Simpsons and South Park, college educated (Bachelor's or higher), has a high sex drive and has no problem with premarital sex, oral sex, or fetishes, wants kids, and has a lot of curves (round hips, big boobs--D-cup or larger, etc.)--who is specifically looking for a male Aspie with the same characteristics (except for the curves)

I think your standards are too high; Simpsons, South Park, college education, curves and boobs, aspie and someone looking for the exact same thing. That's why you are having tough luck finding someone.

Send those weird alien vibes my way, you little minx.

You really are the real deal, from what I can tell. Smart, attractive, funny. A bit too hard on yourself though, so cut it out!

I think my "standards" are too specific.
Am I one of the Aspies here, other than TimTex, who is having trouble finding someone?

What "type" I am looking for:

A single "college girl", Aspie or not, in the Portland area, 18-22, is Catholic but not a conservative, does not drink, smoke or use recreational drugs, has medium sex drive, has no problems with premarital sex, likes movies, eating out occasionally, doesn't mind going to someone else's parish, currently in college, loves to talk/make conversation, and is looking for a "college guy" with some of the same characteristics. Also, must be witty and charming.

I'm looking for a non-inflatable woman who likes me...

My last girlfriend, patches, ran off with a hobbit.

Do you want a handsome 25 year old millionaire doctor (or the female equivalent of that)? No? Then your standards are fine.

Simple, you're single.

If you're single for any length of time, you're being too picky. No, it has nothing to do with attraction merely with being who you choose to spend your time with. Many people with AS have a difficult time relating to the opposite sex and should be using the relationship to build up experience -- how to relate, communicate and read body language.

But they're picky and choose to be alone, limiting their experience draining their confidence and ultimately being single for the majority of their lives (or in a bad relationship).

Lower your standards, date and move onward/upward whenever the opportunity presents itself. At some point, you won't be able to and you will be with the one you're with.

Is it settling? Maybe, but it could also be settling to choose to remain single.

Oh, that's an easy one.

If you're satisfied with the decision to be alone rather than lower your standards, then your standards are fine.

The previous poster who made the point about turning it around and seeing if you measure up to your standards yourself is right in terms of figuring out if your standards are reasonable.

If the sort of people you find yourself attracted to put a lot of effort into their appearance, then you know that's something they value, and it's not reasonable to expect they would be interested in someone who doesn't.

If the sort of people you find yourself attracted to are highly skilled in certain types of conversation, then you know that's something they value, and it's not reasonable to expect they would be interested in someone who isn't similarly skilled.

If the sort of people you find yourself attracted to put a lot of effort into their intellectual development, then you know that's something they value, and it's not reasonable to expect they would be interested in someone who doesn't, though such effort doesn't necessarily have to be through formal education.

And so on.

For some of us, it never does.

SINsister, I've been registered here less than a day, and I'm already feeling ambushed by your omnipresent negativity on your romantic chances. I'm certain it's freaking the NTs out in real life, even if you only express it nonverbally.

You're intelligent and accomplished, and you live in a wealthy nation, which means you have the raw materials to build a life of resounding satisfaction for yourself while working within whatever limitations you possess. Do that. It may make the menfolk come running. If it doesn't, guess what you wind up with? A life of resounding satisfaction for yourself.

To all the guys voicing pretty much the same complaints, the same applies.

A typical pat answer from someone who knows absolutely nothing of the poster or his/her situation, history, etc. Useless.

Ok, so how is obsessing all over the place about how you can't have one thing working for you?

In most people that alone can create or reinforce depression, and depression tends to make Aspies more awkward socially, which reinforces depression, and so on.

You may not like the answer, but if you want to get anywhere other than where you are now, you need to spend that mental energy elsewhere, and do whatever it takes and get whatever help you need to make that happen.

It sounds pat because it isn't rocket science. Doing more of the same will get you more of the same. If you want something different, do something different. With anything you've put that much mental work into focusing on, doing something different is not a small or easy undertaking, make no mistake, but that doesn't change the basic fact that you have to do it anyway if you want things to change.

I understand WP may be an avenue to vent and won't begrudge you that.

But I'll say this publicly: You're pretty/attractive. And I'm not saying that in a "let's be nice" fashion. I'd date you. I have friends who would date you. I would have no problem setting people up with you based upon your looks.

Now that aside, it's a looks thing which gets a guys attention and turns heads. So why are you still single a few years down the road?

There's some 'attitude' which is turning off men. It's the same thing for men who exhibit an air of 'desperation' who turn off women. Men have fragile ego's. If they feel it's going to get bruised they are generally likely not to approach and make up an excuse. Very few men play the odd's game and will take a chance and this 'attitude', in my opinion, is what is holding you back.

However you define 'attitude', you've got it.

I really do not think ANYONE should settle.
There is only one instance where i think settling its ok. if your perfectly happy with the one your with. and there is nothing you would change about them, then your with the person you should be with.

For example. I you will only date a blond girl with a pretty figure. And you meet an overweight girl, who is someone you feel you can share everything with. you fall in love with her. You love EVERYTHING about her, and wouldn't change a thing. then this is not settling.

I think the issue were discussing is not about settling. but rather if we can, or should change our standards if we find someone who fits us and who we truly love.

Also the issue, if we should stay with someone we don't really like. the answer to that is a big no!

No matter what, you should only be with someone who you love and feel completely comfortable around. DON'T marry for money ,or pure looks. Unless you happen the love that person. it will only cause you misery and grief in the long run if you marry for anything else but love.

I wanted a guy like that and i found him. (he really is like that). But he is not trying to save the world , he is saving me. He dose want to help the world though.

And btw I do spend way to much time in the fantasy world. but that does not mean i couldn't make my dreams come true. I actually got most of my standards from the cheesy romance movies.

people told me i had my head in the clouds and this type of man did not exist. but they do exists you just have to spend years looking. if the wait is work it to you then you will eventually find them.