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How do you behave/react when you have a 'crush'?

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Salonfilosoof
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13 Mar 2010, 4:53 am

KittenWithAWhip wrote:
^ This is true, to a point. You *know*, whether you realize you know or not, but that doesn't mean you'd act on it.


Once you both figure out the attraction is mutual and you've moved on to the point of French kissing, why would you still wait more than one or two dates to move on to sex. I can imagine you might want to spend a bit more time together just to feel more comfortable with each other physically, but shouldn't one or two dates be enough?



Taupey
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13 Mar 2010, 6:15 am

I personally prefer to let the relationship strengthen and grow before I have sex with someone. I just feel that it's better to have a relationship based on love, trust and respect rather than one based on just sex.



Salonfilosoof
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13 Mar 2010, 8:44 am

Taupey wrote:
I personally prefer to let the relationship strengthen and grow before I have sex with someone. I just feel that it's better to have a relationship based on love, trust and respect rather than one based on just sex.


Obviously... I just don't see why it should take many weeks to earn one another's trust and respect unless your conversations are pretty shallow most of the time. I usually need less than a dozen hours to decide whether I'm interested in a person as a friend and/or lover but those hours are always spent having in depth conversation about personal topics, shared interests and ideally a few more philosophical topics. I hate small-talk :?



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13 Mar 2010, 1:40 pm

Taupey wrote:
I personally prefer to let the relationship strengthen and grow before I have sex with someone. I just feel that it's better to have a relationship based on love, trust and respect rather than one based on just sex.


This is a fine approach and not one to be argued. I just tend to think that static rules close doors. For example, I've had 2 girlfriends in my life. The first, I waited a year before having sex (I was 15). The second relationship was consummated the first night. Both ended up being long-term, neither worked out in the end. But every situation is different.



Taupey
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13 Mar 2010, 1:55 pm

What works for one person doesn't have to work another.



CockneyRebel
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13 Mar 2010, 3:11 pm

I had a crush on a colleague, when I was in college. I followed him around, and I kept on looking him over. He thought I was staring at him.


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Salonfilosoof
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13 Mar 2010, 5:56 pm

WoundedDog wrote:
This is a fine approach and not one to be argued. I just tend to think that static rules close doors. For example, I've had 2 girlfriends in my life. The first, I waited a year before having sex (I was 15). The second relationship was consummated the first night. Both ended up being long-term, neither worked out in the end. But every situation is different.


A year?!? WTF?!?!?!?!



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13 Mar 2010, 8:06 pm

Salonfilosoof wrote:
Taupey wrote:
I personally prefer to let the relationship strengthen and grow before I have sex with someone. I just feel that it's better to have a relationship based on love, trust and respect rather than one based on just sex.


Obviously... I just don't see why it should take many weeks to earn one another's trust and respect unless your conversations are pretty shallow most of the time. I usually need less than a dozen hours to decide whether I'm interested in a person as a friend and/or lover but those hours are always spent having in depth conversation about personal topics, shared interests and ideally a few more philosophical topics. I hate small-talk :?


LOL, yeah okay whatever you say. :lol:



Postures
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13 Mar 2010, 8:08 pm

I hide it completely and make sure the person never finds out 8)


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Northeastern292
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13 Mar 2010, 8:10 pm

Postures wrote:
I hide it completely and make sure the person never finds out 8)


I've tried that, and it's an utter failure.



Postures
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13 Mar 2010, 8:13 pm

Northeastern292 wrote:
Postures wrote:
I hide it completely and make sure the person never finds out 8)


I've tried that, and it's an utter failure.


It's horribly miserable, isn't it? :P

I'm too afraid of rejection to ever tell someone.


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Northeastern292
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13 Mar 2010, 8:16 pm

Postures wrote:
Northeastern292 wrote:
Postures wrote:
I hide it completely and make sure the person never finds out 8)


I've tried that, and it's an utter failure.


It's horribly miserable, isn't it? :P

I'm too afraid of rejection to ever tell someone.


Yeah, and then I become a little OCD, and then I can't deal with it.



Salonfilosoof
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14 Mar 2010, 5:59 am

I'm currently trying to use this dating site to meet as many women as possible with a taste and lifestyle I fancy. That should make it easier to deal with rejection and increase my chances that something works out with one of them.



KittenWithAWhip
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14 Mar 2010, 8:11 pm

Salonfilosoof wrote:
KittenWithAWhip wrote:
^ This is true, to a point. You *know*, whether you realize you know or not, but that doesn't mean you'd act on it.


Once you both figure out the attraction is mutual and you've moved on to the point of French kissing, why would you still wait more than one or two dates to move on to sex. I can imagine you might want to spend a bit more time together just to feel more comfortable with each other physically, but shouldn't one or two dates be enough?


It's more complicated than that, simply because many girls are conditioned that sex is their only leverage.


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Salonfilosoof
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15 Mar 2010, 6:50 am

KittenWithAWhip wrote:
Salonfilosoof wrote:
Once you both figure out the attraction is mutual and you've moved on to the point of French kissing, why would you still wait more than one or two dates to move on to sex. I can imagine you might want to spend a bit more time together just to feel more comfortable with each other physically, but shouldn't one or two dates be enough?


It's more complicated than that, simply because many girls are conditioned that sex is their only leverage.


My approach to women is usually to try to emotionally and intellectually connect with them as much as possible and make them feel better about whatever they feel uncomfortable about. Once they become more confident and they realise that you're interested in more than superficial interaction, they open up quite easily.... both literally and figuratively :P

The downside is that in time they usually become so confident about themselves they no longer need me in their life and either look for "greener pastures" or decide they don't need a man at all. This attitude usually develops between 3 and 6 months into the relationship. I still haven't figured out how to deal with or prevent that...



WoundedDog
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15 Mar 2010, 1:11 pm

Salonfilosoof wrote:
The downside is that in time they usually become so confident about themselves they no longer need me in their life and either look for "greener pastures" or decide they don't need a man at all. This attitude usually develops between 3 and 6 months into the relationship. I still haven't figured out how to deal with or prevent that...


This is exactly how both relationships I've been in have ended.