Anyone here afraid they will never get a girlfriend?

Post Reply New Topic

For me there is nothing to be "afraid" about. I might never get a girlfriend but whatever...

I now know it's extremely unlikely I'll ever have a working relationship.

I've discovered I have an avoidant attachment type: Trusting a partner and committing to a relationship is extremely difficult for me, my instinct is to avoid intimacy, despite my need for physical affection and "those feelings that all men have".

Also it is extremely difficult (perhaps impossible) for me to bond with another person (necessary for a friendship or relationship to work). My own mother failed to properly bond with me and bonding-instincts (or whatever they're called) haven't been nurtured in me, also I suffered neglect and abuse in my family environment.

I'm still afraid that I will never get a girlfriend, but there has to be one out there for each of us; it is just finding the right one that is almost impossible to find. Emotionally, I am ready for one, but financially, I'm not yet. I hope the best for all of you in your search.

Hmmm... I've almost had one of those girlfriend thingies several times (I think), but nothing ever got started. The girls that do like me are probably too scared to talk to me, as I think that I come across as a distant and arrogant genius.

Me. I'm 25 and never had a girlfriend, had a couple of "flings" and that was it. Felt dirty after them too so it's not for me. I'm too much of a "nice guy" to attract a woman.

I'm not good at reading cues from people I don't know well, and for whatever reason this dating thing is supposed to be done with women you don't know well. My tendency is to hold back until I get to know her better.

What I have to offer is a "clean slate" which may be more than some have to offer in return, and it's not something recognized as valuable except by those with a lot of experience who are usually already in relationships. An empty statement about not having any diseases, debt, property, drug habits or arrest record may also make me sound uninteresting.

I don't suppose it would help if I started smoking? That way I could either point a cigarette toward or away from someone to show interest.

I sometimes fear that I will never lose my virginity. Which is silly since I am still only 17.
But I am convinced I will grow old a lonely crazy cat lady.

I've accepted the fact.

I've been in relationships in the past, but have been single for a while now.

My life is better than it has ever been, in terms of being comfortable with my surroundings, happy with my job etc., but I just don't get to meet anyone new. I'm 35 now and everyone else my age is already married or at least seeing someone, so I have no friends to go out with.

It feels like I've had all my chances and blown them, and that makes me feel very sad.

Personally, I really struggle to understand my own feelings on this subject. I've thought very hard about it, and honestly, the bottom line I came to is that I could never envisage anyone ever having that degree of esteem for me, regardless of whether they ever really knew me or not. I know that sounds horribly negative - I don't dislike myself as such, but I would find it so strange and inexplicable to be liked by another in that way. How could someone place so much faith in such a fragile thing, such an illogical thing, something so impossible to understand and so irrational? I feel there are too many insurmountable barriers in my own behavior and situation to cross to be able to consider the possibility of making another person happy by way of my own existence. I try to face this reality with stoicism, but I do feel kind of sad sometimes. Does it really bring genuine happiness, that human closeness it seems almost every other human on the planet so desperately seems to crave? Does it bring any genuine happiness greater than mere obedience to biological function?

I would love a girlfriend. I see couples out holding hands (something I've never done), or shopping together, and I want that. I want someone to travel with, and enjoy the summer weather with. But i don't think its' gonna happen. I'm too deficient. Too ugly, too uncharismatic, and my work as a filmmaker means money is often tight, and so, I'd be a lousy provider. I'm just not a man...at least, not one any woman would want.

So I quit. I deleted all my online dating accounts, and I'm not going to try anymore. Up to now, I was doing all the work, and winding up with a lot of woman who didn't give a damn, who saw me, and instantly knew they could do better. They could sense I was damaged goods. THey make a clean break, and I wind up suffering. NO more. I've decided that the small, infinitesimal chance of happiness with a girl isn't worth all the pain and suffering. I just don't like the odds.

I'm resolved to take control of my own life, and have happiness on my own terms. And if a woman wants to share that with me, fine. But she'll have to make the first move. It's about time. Woman are supposed to be equal, so they can step up to the goddamn plate for once.

My films will become my life, my love, and any woman will have to just deal with that or take a walk.

My advice to others is not to worry about women, and focus on your talents. Women come and go, get old and ugly. But our work, as writers, mathematicians, scientists, engineers will long endure!

Good Luck All!

He doesn't mean it though. He's saying that for the time being because he's mad that he's not getting women. If he really meant it, it would be a good thing.