What do you think are some major causes of Aspie rejection?

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I used to want a girlfriend bad, until I dated a girl who really turned me on physically and realized even when things are going well, it's not all it's made out to be. It's kind of like dessert. If you've never had the dessert before and you keep hearing how good it is, you want it more. Then you have it and don't want it anymore.

That's kind of a bad example, considering my weight. I like desserts but can't have them until I'm thin and pretty. The only times I felt good about myself were when I was with someone, a total of 13 weeks out of my 21 years. I feel worthless when I'm single. I thrive off of affection. I don't get it from my family and I get some support from my friends but it's not enough. Without love, I'm nothing. Plain and simple.

Look up ToadofSteel. You're the female version of him.

...and what am I supposed to do exactly?? I can't drive so it's not like I can meet him or anything. And if we're both having meltdowns all the time, I don't think we'd get anything accomplished. I think I need someone who's more stable than I am. I recognize him now because of his picture though. Yaaaaaaaay, my memory is working! >.>

It means coc... I mean cognitive behavioral therapy.

Chubby girls can be quite fun. I've had a few chubby escorts and I gotta say they work their ass off to show you a good time!

Obviously avoiding crap food (like anything with "glucose syrup" known as "high-fructose corn syrup" in the USA) can mitigate your perceived weight issue.

Like I said before, you just have to bring something that other girls don't offer to the table. If you know how to give an awesome massage, it will take you very far as well.

I routinely see guys that I would rate about a 8-9 out of 10 in the looks department with girls that I would rate at a 5 or so on the looks department. The reason those guys have chosen girls who are seen as below their league is because they are being offered something that the conventionally prettier girls do not offer.

Sex and "love" is a marketplace. Offer something the competition does not.

No therapy! Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiissssssssssssssssssssss.

I have been eating better and exercising, which has been helping. I just wish it would work faster. D:

That's the thing. I don't know if I have anything to offer, which is probably why I'm always lonely. People say that I'm funny but that probably doesn't do me any good.

My problem is that for me, conversation is too important. At any of the social activities/hobbies, I have, where a built in conversation topic is at hand, only guys attend. Game shops where I play board games and Magic, fishing club, martial arts class, etc. No way to meet women there because, well, there simply aren't any. That leaves the only option being a chance encounter. Now, there are times, where I'll be somewhere and see a woman I find attractive, the problem is, in those situations, I have nothing relevant to say or ask. All I know about her is that I find her attractive and that doesn't seem like a strong basis for an initial conversation.

Other than "Hi" or "Hello", what else do you say to somone you know nothing about. My problem is that conversation has to have meaning. It doesn't occur to me, at the time, to ask meaningless questions, or if I do, I find the idea repulsive. For example, I was at a wedding reception a few years ago. There was a woman there I found attractive. I couldn't think of anything to say, as usual, so one of my friends suggested that I ask her if she was there for the bride or groom. My first thought was, "Why would I want to know that?" For me, it was a meaningless question since the answer didn't provide me with any useful or relevant information.

Same, I think for a lot of us. Its a motivational structure thing though as in - I could probably give the nod and smile and have it work - if I were someone else who thought in a completely different way. Otherwise the facial expressions and motions will ring really hollow. Like you though, for sure, I really prefer to be on some kind of ground I can grasp and actually use.

'En passant' conversation seems almost impossible because, by nature, its blind-side and takes an immediate - watching most NT's I know - seemingly out-of-the-blue comment, which for some odd reason will resonate with the other person whereas if I do it, it really will be just that - out of the blue - and won't get a response. That kind of quickness seems to demand that you're naturally wired the same way the other person is and typically the people who will seemingly pull a comment completely out of the air do so because they're used to getting good reactions, based on who they are without any modification, so they know it should work.

Then you're s**t outta luck...What else can I tell ya? Weight loss takes time. Try something like the paleolithic diet.

Right on!

Me too--maybe I'm in the wrong area or something, though, because all the interesting guys are attached already, and no one is giving me the time of day...doesn't help being in a college town (I am in school) because the cute bubbly sorority girls are getting all the play...

That's the key to it - reframing a motivation for yourself.
Not easy, not even sure if I could do it for myself, even though I can see how it would help.



Yes, first thought - why would I want to know that? It's the truth, and it is one of the reasons why we don't small talk - we, personally, are not interested in the answers.
What your friend didn't do was give you the reason for asking the question.
In order to interact, he was suggesting that you begin by using something, anything, about the situation. The answer to the question would be the fact that the other person spoke to you, not what they said. The hope is that either something they say, or something about the situation, allows you to reply in turn, thereby beginning a conversation. The purpose is to see if you get to a point where there is a mutual interest in something. If the other person doesn't contribute much, then the conversation will be brief.

Being able to small-talk successfully is unlikely for many aspies - reframing a motivation to do it in certain situations - ie. it will be to your benefit - is something that you can learn to do, slowly, by practise - if you choose to do so. The first step could be that you take the time to observe a situation where a woman is - at work, in a shop, on a bus - and just look around, observe, and see if you could ask a question about the situation. I don't mean do it, so you don't need to be attracted, in fact while you're practising you don't really need the extra anxiety.

Break it down into small steps. Very small steps if need be.
Find a question. eg in a shop "Excuse me, do you know what time the store stays open until."
Ask the question. Say thank you, smile if you can, walk away.
Get used to what it felt like. Was the response pleasant or neutral.
Keep practising. But get used to each step. Allow your anxiety to ease before you push yourself to try to get a short conversation going.
And hope that you come across someone you like in a situation that works for you.

Is that any help?

There are fishing clubs? Why am I just now finding out about such a thing? (Maybe my problem is strictly geographical?)

I genuinely care & I want the kind of relationship where my partner is my best friend & we help each other with our problems. I want to be with someone who loves me because of the way I care about her instead of someone who only likes me for superficial rezones.
BTW you don't have to be a hunk or rich & famous to get with LiLo; you need drugs & booze (coarse I went there)





This is an example about what I've been complaining about with women. They do NOT want a guy who has similar issues; they want someone who's better & then they wonder why they are alone or why they keep getting hurt & used by guys. The only time in my life I ever felt truly happy was when I was in a relationship years ago & the girl had a lot of similar issues as myself so I don't think both of you guys being kind of "unstable" is going to be that bad. Sense you both have similar issues; you mite could support each other & help each otter out. As for the not driving thing; people can take trips & visit for a while & move eventually.
BTW Toad seems a lot like a version of myself from a couple years ago on other site;s I was making the same kind of post.

Thanks for your ingenious insight.

13 weeks is better than me, I've only been in a "relationship" for 12 weeks and that was about 6 years ago. I'm over the hill now. You're still young.

Like people said - you've been getting a lot of compliments in that hot aspie thread, so it can't be all bad.