Is it ever okay to look at a women's breasts?

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Joined: 13 May 2010
Age: 35
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30 Jul 2010, 4:16 pm

One thing people haven't brought up is relationships. Admiring each other can be a major part of that experience, and as long as it's not public, it tends to be a bit more acceptable. That said, more generally, it's going to vary a lot. It depends both on what the person is like, and how close/intimate you are with them.

Just know that it's usually a bit more acceptable to admire someone when you've already been in bed with them. *shrug*

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JohnisBlind
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30 Jul 2010, 6:13 pm

Janissy wrote:

JohnisBlind wrote:

The last time I checked the human body was not anything to be ashamed of. But if you say that absolutely zero looking is the only thing appropriate then that is exactly the kind of useful feedback that I was looking for.

The negative feeling that women have about this isn't shame. It's personal boundary violation. Looking violates a woman's personal boundaries. Sometimes it's inevitable to look. Sometimes a very discrete glance can be gotten away with (which acknowledges that it's a personal boundary violation and just means not getting caught). But the only time it is across the board "ok" is in a strip club, in bed, or when it is needed for professional reasons (medical exam, tatoo, clothes fitting, probably some others I didn't think of).Those are the only situations where full permission can be assumed.

In all other cases it is a personal boundary violation. (Please don't confuse this with shame.) Some posters have told you how to violate this boundary without getting caught. Others have told you situations where the penalty for being caught violating the boundary is fairly low. But in no case is it shame that a woman feels when stared at like that. It's invasion that she feels.

My therapist says that when talking to a member of the opposite sex that it is normal to look at her chest. Even when two women talk together both tend to "check out the other" maybe looking at the clothing or thinking how beautiful a piece of jewelry is or trying to guess is her blouse silk or polyester. She will of course notice breasts, and may even make a mental comparison. "hers are bigger" than mine. What is unacceptable is for anyone to fixate on a women's breasts.

GoatOnFire
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30 Jul 2010, 6:16 pm

auntblabby wrote:

at work a long time ago, i complimented somebody on their artistically painted nail artwork- this person turned around, not saying a word to me, but complained bitterly to my boss about how i was sexually harrassing her, when all i did was say she had nice nail art work. my boss read me the riot act, at which point i promised her i wouldn't so much as even look in the direction of this or any other person even if they were on fire. if i were a movie star or bill gates or something similar, i firmly believe this woman would likely have said something to me along the lines of "marry me!"

Damn. That b***h is more stuck up than a tampon.

That takes a real piece of work to jeopardize someone's career by lying about being sexually harassed. If you knew where she kept her coffee and could have gotten away with it you should have dropped some laxatives in there to see if it would help her crap out the pole that was residing in her rear. If not, I'd just wait and return the favor if she ever had an occasion to ask you anything about work.

mechanicalgirl39 wrote:

We live in a culture where women are so often objectified. You can't blame them for getting sick of it even if it is done in a nice way.

Yeah, this culture is so bad about that. Maybe the women should move to Saudi Arabia where they never have to go out in public wearing something less than a body length burqa. No one will stare at your breasts in public there.

JhonIsBlind wrote:

What is unacceptable is for anyone to fixate on a women's breasts.

But it's good for men's health, seriously.

http://www.themedguru.com/20091206/news ... 31320.html

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Homer_Bob
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30 Jul 2010, 8:58 pm

Probably only if she's your girlfriend. Once you close the deal, you can probably admire her physical traits all you want, something you can't do with a stranger.

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bullyh8ter
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30 Jul 2010, 11:31 pm

It's always ok. Plus, it's only natural to do it. If you don't want people to stare then watch what you wear. Hey, that rhymes.

bullyh8ter
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30 Jul 2010, 11:37 pm

bullyh8ter wrote:

It's always ok. Plus, it's only natural to do it. If you don't want people to stare then watch what you wear. Hey, that rhymes.

If you don't want people to stare

By: Bullyh8ter

If you don't want people to stare

Then cover it and don't bare

Then people won't care

They won't hit on you okay Blair?

You won't impress Tony Blair

Or Ric Flair

If you show your underwear

This I swear

So if you care

And get uptight by a stare

And want to yell and swear

Just cover up from there to there

Or you'll get people who will stare

bullyh8ter
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31 Jul 2010, 12:13 am

leejosepho wrote:

Some women might slap you if you do, and some might slap you if you do not. But, I say GG is right.

Then I'd hit her back. Just cause she's female doesn't give her a right to hit me.

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31 Jul 2010, 10:34 am

mechanicalgirl39 wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

JohnisBlind wrote:

Stellar wrote:

I don't mind short tiny glances once in a while. Some guys just get nervous or can't really make eye contact so they look down at the floor and in the process of doing that they might accidentally glance for a second or so. I think this stuff is natural, and some women overreact sometimes. Some people just have big boobs so it's kind of hard not to glance at least once.

The only thing I would mind is if a guy intently stares at them or glances more than twice for longer than two seconds. It's just annoying.

One of my profs wore really tight pants and stood sideways when he lectured with the white board and LOL he obviously had a huge package so I'm sure I'm not the only one who glanced once or twice cause it just stood out. I'm really not a perv, really, but I do find small doses of this stuff to be natural; it's curiosity.

I agree that their is a tendency to overreact.

i don't think it is necessarily an overreaction if it offends a person to have other people looking openly at the sexual parts of their bodies. it doesn't bother everyone, but a person has a right to be offended.

I don't think it's an overreaction.

We live in a culture where women are so often objectified. You can't blame them for getting sick of it even if it is done in a nice way.

What if they don't do it on purpose? I think the intent (or lack thereof) matters more than the act itself.

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31 Jul 2010, 11:03 am

bullyh8ter wrote:

leejosepho wrote:

Some women might slap you if you do, and some might slap you if you do not. But, I say GG is right.

Then I'd hit her back. Just cause she's female doesn't give her a right to hit me.

wait a min ute... you think you should be allowed to look openly at a woman's cleavage... then if she slaps you, you think you have the right to hit her back? this is very, very scary to me as a woman. sounds like maybe you have some sexual aggression issues to work through.

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31 Jul 2010, 1:28 pm

hyperlexian wrote:

bullyh8ter wrote:

leejosepho wrote:

Some women might slap you if you do, and some might slap you if you do not. But, I say GG is right.

Then I'd hit her back. Just cause she's female doesn't give her a right to hit me.

He is saying that people have a right not to be hit regardless of what gender they are.

bullyh8ter
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31 Jul 2010, 1:31 pm

hyperlexian wrote:

bullyh8ter wrote:

leejosepho wrote:

Some women might slap you if you do, and some might slap you if you do not. But, I say GG is right.

Then I'd hit her back. Just cause she's female doesn't give her a right to hit me.

I'll do what I want to do. If an attractive woman is wearing something skimpy, I'll look if I please. Just because I'm a man doesn't mean I am restricted to where and what I look at. If I wanna look at tits, I will look at them. If a woman hits me for just being a man and open about something, I'll want to hit her back and I will. Just because I am a man, doesn't mean you can slap me and I will do nothing about it because you are a woman. You wanted equality, you got it. I won't complain if you check me out, you shouldn't complain if I want to look at your tits. As long as you are of legal age anyway.

Equal is equal. I'm tired of chicks just cherry picking what suits them about equal. Or you can always be a baby about it and scream "sexual harassment" because I looked at you "wrong".

mechanicalgirl39
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31 Jul 2010, 1:36 pm

Stellar wrote:

mechanicalgirl39 wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

JohnisBlind wrote:

Stellar wrote:

I agree that their is a tendency to overreact.

I don't think it's an overreaction.

We live in a culture where women are so often objectified. You can't blame them for getting sick of it even if it is done in a nice way.

What if they don't do it on purpose? I think the intent (or lack thereof) matters more than the act itself.

If he just happened to look at them that's fine. If he is obviously staring at them, that sucks.

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bullyh8ter
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31 Jul 2010, 1:38 pm

JohnisBlind wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

bullyh8ter wrote:

leejosepho wrote:

Some women might slap you if you do, and some might slap you if you do not. But, I say GG is right.

Then I'd hit her back. Just cause she's female doesn't give her a right to hit me.

He is saying that people have a right not to be hit regardless of what gender they are.

Last edited by bullyh8ter on 31 Jul 2010, 1:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.

bullyh8ter
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31 Jul 2010, 1:40 pm

JohnisBlind wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

bullyh8ter wrote:

leejosepho wrote:

Some women might slap you if you do, and some might slap you if you do not. But, I say GG is right.

Then I'd hit her back. Just cause she's female doesn't give her a right to hit me.

He is saying that people have a right not to be hit regardless of what gender they are.

Last edited by bullyh8ter on 31 Jul 2010, 1:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.

bullyh8ter
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31 Jul 2010, 1:40 pm

JohnisBlind wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

bullyh8ter wrote:

leejosepho wrote:

Some women might slap you if you do, and some might slap you if you do not. But, I say GG is right.

Then I'd hit her back. Just cause she's female doesn't give her a right to hit me.

He is saying that people have a right not to be hit regardless of what gender they are.

Exactly. If you are man enough to hit me, you are man enough to be hit back. Just because I'm a guy doesn't mean women can do whatever they want to me just like I shouldn't do certain things to them. I'm a person just like they are.

mechanicalgirl39
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31 Jul 2010, 1:44 pm

bullyh8ter wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

bullyh8ter wrote:

leejosepho wrote:

Some women might slap you if you do, and some might slap you if you do not. But, I say GG is right.

Then I'd hit her back. Just cause she's female doesn't give her a right to hit me.

Yeah, and never mind if we find it intimidating, because you males are bigger and stronger than we are, and you might be just looking for a few seconds, or you might decide to actually assault us. Never mind that we have to deal with that threat all the time. Never mind that we have to deal with being objectified all the damn time, so it is very easy to feel uneasy when someone is looking at your boobs. Never mind that for us, it's a real danger and not just being irritated by someone looking at you the wrong way. Never mind that we have to deal with crude and intimidating behaviour all the time and society frowns on us if we talk back. Never mind that we can't walk down the f*****g street without 'Whoooooo!' and 'Nice tits!' even if we're dressed in NORMAL, MODEST CLOTHING. Never mind that we take that behaviour all the time and if we get annoyed we're called humourless b*****s.

Sorry, your attitude just isn't acceptable. You clearly haven't thought about what it's like to be an average woman. I mean when did you ever have to worry about your safety when a woman was looking at you? When did you have to worry about being sexually assaulted?

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