Rejected again, I don't know how guys do it

Post Reply New Topic

Psht. Life f***s NT's over too.

I doubt it. I'm not thankful for what asperger's has contributed to me. It's the bane of my existence and why my social interactions have backfired.

If life's put us over a barrel in any way further than having the social challenges we do, I think the rest of it is a problem of high expectations. It's not a snobbishness so much as we seem to have instinct and motivation aimed toward wanting better things and not being willing to settle, while NT's instincts - on average - tend to veer more pragmatic.

Actually there likely aren't many people in the world with no problems whatsoever. Whether it be poverty, health problems, no friends, being poor, having disibilities etc etc.

Some people (who I refer to as precious) are rich, have very few physical or mental health problems, always land on their feet, plenty of friends and still find something to whine about.

You should really wait until after you've gotten to know them better though before complimenting.

Complement clothing, shoes, t-shirt, or hair instead of eyes, because it's been done before. Unless they complement your eyes first. Some girls put effort into these things, they'll be caught off guard. Displaying knowledge on the subject will help too -- asking a girl "are those vans?", for example, or saying "I really like the [blank] highlights in your hair, it's really pretty. Where did you get it done?". This may help you some, think of something that stands out on the girl that doesn't get noticed often. Displaying knowledge on the subject is key here, seriously, how many guys know what material a girl's purse is made out of? You do, if you are like most of my IRL Aspie friends, you probably are writing a paragraph as we speak. Or complement a girls shoes or leather jacket. You probably notice things like this all the time, the details, when other people don't.

[it helps if they dress differently or interestingly, but since I flock to that anyway... ]

Love is a powerful, powerful thing. This thread - Quincy27 = a group of guys who think that they can get a girlfriend by 'being bad'. Problem is, most of these 'bad guize' are pretty polite and know how to socially interact with women.

not me. being a stereotypical "bad boy" is against my character - but I'm still a f**kup around women.

...oh for f### sake!

All this woe is me stuff is precisely why you're getting rejected!

If you come along with the attitude "Nice guys come last" etc, then you will. Sad to say it, at 23 I was just as bad so I been there.

I found be anything but predictable or overly complimentry. Hot girls probably get no end of compliments from guys, it becomes background noise. I never threw compliments out there, I poked fun, be it at her dress, shoes, whatever, in a playful way.

Once you loosen up and stop approaching a date like a job interview, the tide will turn.

Come to think of it, I don't even buy my wife flowers, if I did she'd ask "What have you done wrong??" But I do engage in a bit of playful banter even now.

Speak for yourself.

Sounds like someone else gets it... But be nice, it's a lesson people have to learn for themselves. Usually some kind of breaking/crisis point where you decide that you need to totally change your viewpoint and approach.

I am no expert on this, but I think there are some kinds of nice that are major turn-offs. Frivilously buying presents or doing favors for a person is one of them; girls feel like they're being bribed if you do that. Being excessibly agreeable is another aspect of "nice" that is unattractive; if you just agree with whatever someone says, then they feel like they're talking to a wall; it makes a person boring. But whether it's the "Nice Guy" archetype or being genuinely nice that girls don't like, I don't know. Remember, you can always start being a jerk if everything else fails. It's not like being a Nice Guy is something you can't fix.

I certainly do feel that way. I think God has cursed aspie men. I try to think positively but it's so hard to do so when you have a huge social firewall in front of you.

I'm just gonna be a sad, depressed aspie f**k up. People I talked to say it does get better as I get older. I don't think so.

We spoke about this, it's not hard to talk to NTs, not really, just as long as you aren't faking it.

I don't think I've been cursed at all. Sure, I'm not as good at socialising as the majority, but I don't let that put me off and I get on with things, both social and otherwise.

It's about attitude at the end of the end of the day. Act like you've failed and it will quickly become true.

QFT.

Most NTs don't want to hear about our special interests and aspie hobbies, well except to fat stereotypical nerds at Fry's or anime conventions, bus drivers, or countermen at the auto parts store. I feel I must force myself to act like an NT, because I don't want the aspie me to show up and the minute it does, I've burned my bridges.

Like I told you before, be yourself, just don't let your interests completely dominate the conversation.