My boyfriend.... slapped me.

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RICKY5
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06 Dec 2010, 3:28 pm

meems wrote:
f**k it. I'm staying.





I just wanted to see if anyone would be any more aware of this post than they were my last two which said I was leaving. I'm done posting in this thread, I thought I was having some kind of conversation until people were blatantly ignoring my last couple of posts.

I'm done. Have fun with the thread, peeps.

Fin.


"Then on your own head be it."



Todesking
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06 Dec 2010, 4:08 pm

meems wrote:
He swears it was an accident and that he feels horrible about it.


I have hit many different people over the years and never once hit someone on accident. I have gotten so enraged that I punched someone but it was never an accident at that moment I really wanted to hit that person. Every woman who lets their boyfriend or husband get a way with hitting her is setting herself up for more beatings. Each time he will say it is the last time. He will swear to god, say it was an accident, make promisses, he will shed real tears, and even offer to take anger management classes to get you to stay with him but they always go back to hitting their mate after a few weeks or months once he feels he can get away with it again.


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emlion
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06 Dec 2010, 4:09 pm

Todesking wrote:
meems wrote:
He swears it was an accident and that he feels horrible about it.


I have hit many different people over the years and never once hit someone on accident. I have gotten so enraged that I punched someone but it was never an accident at that moment I really wanted to hit that person. Every woman who lets their boyfriend or husband get a way with hitting her is setting herself up for more beatings. Each time he will say it is the last time. He will swear to god, say it was an accident, make promisses, he will shed real tears, and even offer to take anger management classes to get you to stay with him but they always go back to hitting their mate after a few weeks or months once he feels he can get away with it again.


This. I know from experience that's true.
I've heard SO many times 'i'm sorry, it was an accident, i'll never do it again, i promise, i love you.'



Dilbert
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06 Dec 2010, 6:30 pm

Take a good look all. This is why women stay in abusive relationships.

You are being an idiot.

You should have walked out 2 seconds after he slapped you.

He WILL assault you again.



emlion
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06 Dec 2010, 6:32 pm

I know we're all being critical of the OP (myself included) but it's just not that easy to walk away sometimes, especially if you're emotionally invested or the guy is all 'i'm so sorry.'

I just wish when I was in an abusive relationship I had impartial people to tell me the truth, without emotional attachments.



RICKY5
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06 Dec 2010, 9:43 pm

emlion wrote:
I know we're all being critical of the OP (myself included) but it's just not that easy to walk away sometimes, especially if you're emotionally invested or the guy is all 'i'm so sorry.'

I just wish when I was in an abusive relationship I had impartial people to tell me the truth, without emotional attachments.


Calling the OP a f*****g idiot is about as impartial as we can be!



emlion
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06 Dec 2010, 9:44 pm

I don't think calling her a f*****g idiot is helpful or insightful.
I'm sure she's hurt enough as it is.



meems
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06 Dec 2010, 10:51 pm

Nah, it was an accident. I didn't realize I left my webcam on(I had been making a youtube video!) and I saw a couple hours ago that it was pretty clearly an accident. He spun around to say something and that's when he hit me. I wasn't looking up so all I knew was that I got slapped(not across the face, across the top of my head) and he looked horrified in the video and it cut off a few minutes later but he didn't know it was filmed and neither did I, now I owe him a huge apology.

I wasn't annoyed at people being concerned, and a lot of the posts were reassuring and I appreciate that. I was annoyed at the huge leaps and assumptions and being told after I posted this not to be an "idiot" because that's exactly what one should say when one suspects someone is a victim of abuse. Turns out I was overreacting anyway. Days of confusion, that serves me right. I almost ended a relationship because the moment his hand made contact with my head I went into a flashback and failed to even get his take on what happened.

It was far too overwhelming to respond to everything all at once.

Now you can all speculate further. And RICKY5, your opinions kind of fell to the not-relevant category when you made the leap that I was going to get knocked up, somehow be stupid enough to keep a baby, and then have trouble finding a date that wasn't pathetic or a loser or whatever. That's an incredible leap to make.



meems
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06 Dec 2010, 10:57 pm

So does anyone in Austin need a non-refundable flight to Seattle for December 12th?



HopeGrows
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06 Dec 2010, 10:57 pm

meems wrote:
f**k it. I'm staying.





I just wanted to see if anyone would be any more aware of this post than they were my last two which said I was leaving. I'm done posting in this thread, I thought I was having some kind of conversation until people were blatantly ignoring my last couple of posts.

I'm done. Have fun with the thread, peeps.

Fin.


Perhaps you should also be in therapy? Your decision seems extraordinarily irrational and dangerous, but as The Kinks once said, "It's your life, and you can do what you want."

Also, to all the folks who said that women hitting men is also wrong - I couldn't agree more. Violence doesn't solve a single problem, or right any wrongs....the only thing hitting someone proves is that you're willing to do violence to them. BFD.


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Zur-Darkstar
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06 Dec 2010, 11:20 pm

Well, the cameras don't lie, but sometimes we see what we want to see. I don't know if you trust anyone enough to do this, but if you let a third party, like a therapist, counselor, clergyman, or family member, watch the video as well and confirm that it looks like an accident, it might give you some piece of mind. The stuff he offered to do doesn't seem to fit the pattern of the typical abuser either. They always apologize, but don't usually offer to go stay at a friend's house, and the typical abuser would beg you to stay, not say he understands what you're going through and walk away.



meems
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06 Dec 2010, 11:28 pm

I let my dad, sister, and aunt who hates him watch it. I also plan on bringing it into therapy just to get an unbiased opinion, since all of those people hate my boyfriend though, I doubt they were enjoying saying it was obviously an accident. But there is audio as well which showed me a lot that I was unaware of because I tuned everything out the moment it happened and could hardly recall the subject of conversation when it happened.



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06 Dec 2010, 11:40 pm

meems wrote:
I let my dad, sister, and aunt who hates him watch it. I also plan on bringing it into therapy just to get an unbiased opinion, since all of those people hate my boyfriend though, I doubt they were enjoying saying it was obviously an accident. But there is audio as well which showed me a lot that I was unaware of because I tuned everything out the moment it happened and could hardly recall the subject of conversation when it happened.


A therapist is the best because they're trained to understand behavior, but if relatives that don't like him are saying it was an accident, it probably was. Please forgive us for jumping to conclusions. When a woman says her bf/hubbie hit her it's almost reflexive to think of abuse. This is a good lesson about how easily those things get implanted in even the most impartial minds. I'm sure most people were just concerned and were just reacting to the fact they hate to see people be abused.



RICKY5
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07 Dec 2010, 12:29 am

emlion wrote:
I don't think calling her a f***ing idiot is helpful or insightful.
I'm sure she's hurt enough as it is.


Facts can hurt like hell.

As for the OP's comments, I make assumptions because I have heard the same song and dance before.



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07 Dec 2010, 3:03 pm

HopeGrows wrote:
meems wrote:
f**k it. I'm staying.





I just wanted to see if anyone would be any more aware of this post than they were my last two which said I was leaving. I'm done posting in this thread, I thought I was having some kind of conversation until people were blatantly ignoring my last couple of posts.

I'm done. Have fun with the thread, peeps.

Fin.


Perhaps you should also be in therapy? Your decision seems extraordinarily irrational and dangerous, but as The Kinks once said, "It's your life, and you can do what you want."

Also, to all the folks who said that women hitting men is also wrong - I couldn't agree more. Violence doesn't solve a single problem, or right any wrongs....the only thing hitting someone proves is that you're willing to do violence to them. BFD.


I think you didn't read her previous two posts just before you posted this message. In particular, there's this:

meems wrote:
Nah, it was an accident. I didn't realize I left my webcam on(I had been making a youtube video!) and I saw a couple hours ago that it was pretty clearly an accident. He spun around to say something and that's when he hit me. I wasn't looking up so all I knew was that I got slapped(not across the face, across the top of my head) and he looked horrified in the video and it cut off a few minutes later but he didn't know it was filmed and neither did I, now I owe him a huge apology.


It sounds to me that that is indeed an accident and the boyfriend probably isn't violent at all. I could be wrong though.



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07 Dec 2010, 3:14 pm

Zur-Darkstar wrote:
meems wrote:
I let my dad, sister, and aunt who hates him watch it. I also plan on bringing it into therapy just to get an unbiased opinion, since all of those people hate my boyfriend though, I doubt they were enjoying saying it was obviously an accident. But there is audio as well which showed me a lot that I was unaware of because I tuned everything out the moment it happened and could hardly recall the subject of conversation when it happened.


A therapist is the best because they're trained to understand behavior, but if relatives that don't like him are saying it was an accident, it probably was. Please forgive us for jumping to conclusions. When a woman says her bf/hubbie hit her it's almost reflexive to think of abuse. This is a good lesson about how easily those things get implanted in even the most impartial minds. I'm sure most people were just concerned and were just reacting to the fact they hate to see people be abused.


It doesn't matter if it was an accident. If he has that lack of self control she should leave him. If I lose my temper and punch someone in the face is it ok because it was an accident and I didn't mean to lose my s**t? NO!


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