Is it easier for aspie women than aspie men?

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As a woman with AS, I totally disagree with this.Mind you we are talking about dating in the sense of finding someone which one is both physically and emotionally attracted to, gets along well with, and those sentiments are reciprocated by the person....not just someone to have sex with.



It drops off exponentially after 30, and supply and demand are on no one's side, as there is a fairly equal ratio of men to women in western countries.



I don't think it's a matter of picky unless one is expected to "settle" for someone they really aren't attracted to. And why would any self respecting guy want to be settled for anyway?



This I agree with. Obviously most women don't want to be in this position.



Women, even very pretty ones, don't get hit on left and right unless they walk into some completely sleezy place like a night club or a bar, and those are not the type of guys most women want to be hit on by.

Most men with good, honest intentions are actually timid when it comes to approaching women they are attracted to.

Chronos, do you mean that the demand for women decreases after they turn 30? My range is like 25-45 since I don't want kids. I am sure there are other men with similar perspectives.


Sadly, someone past 35 might be too mature for me.

Yep. Women over 30 have a much more difficult time finding a date. I don't think people mature much more once they hit late 20's...that is, I don't think a 50 year old is any more mature than a 35 year old, or even 30 year old.

A lot of people have a "mid life crisis" where they actually revert to being less mature for a while, sometime between 40 something and 60 something.

Chronos, how old ARE you? I am 51 and have had it extremely difficult if not impossible for finding someone to date. I am personna non grata when it comes to women....

In terms of relationships.
Most men here will settle for just sex. You can pay for that.
Most women here want some deep, romantic connection. That, you can't buy.

Thus, you can get sex easier than a woman with AS can get her prince charming, so tell me again how women have it easier?

30

Nobody said that its easy for men to find a relationship, however this thread isnt about if its easy or not, its about who has it easier(male/female sort of thing)and they are trying to make you realize that females with as also have a hard time finding someone that understands them and wants to stablish a relationship with them.

BTW if you are so concerned about never having a relationship have you ever thought about lowering your standards?.

I mean there are plenty of females that smoke nowadays and by refusing to date any of them you are lowering the chances of finding a potential partner, also I dont see the point of complaining about having a hard time finding a partner because as and then refusing to date someone based on their appearance.

Oh? There's a significant disproportion in the number of men versus women, meaning greater supply of men?
Or Aspie traits are somehow more appealing to men than non-Aspie ones, meaning greater demand for Aspie women?
How do you figure?

What entitles you to say that a group of people is "picky" based on you
making unfounded presumptions
about a "gorgeous" neuro-typical woman
and attempting to apply said unfounded presumptions
to average or even ugly Aspie women?

How fallacious can you get?

Excellent point, spongy.
Most of the men I've seen here complaining (not all men who discuss their dating troubles complain)
about not being able to find a woman
are the same ones I've seen on other threads saying, effectively, "no fatties".

If you're familiar with CDC stats, this is essentially:
"Woe is me, I'm so Aspie none of the one third of people I'm willing to date want me."

Last edited by Bethie on 05 Jan 2011, 12:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.

QFT.

I have to admit that I like your logic and counterargument better than a lot of the other replies to my statement above.

Per my statement, it really comes down to what is important, and what we're talking about,

So -- if we're talking about sex with another human being as being what is important to that individual, male or female -- even with your "you can pay" argument, women still have it easier, hands down. Some significant portion of men literally (they've done studies) will have sex with a woman they've known for 5 minutes -- the minimum time for women in the same scenario is about one day to a week in most cases (we'll lump the one night stands under the "one day" category, since presumably you've chatted eachother up before you went home, investing some time in eachother). I don't think we really need to argue about who wants sex more, men or women - it's pretty obvious. So men want something more than women want, and at an earlier age -- women have the advantage here.

Romantic love -- yes, this is hard for everyone, and if all things were equal, it would be equally difficult. However -- women have a lot more men coming at them than men have women coming at them, so in terms of finding that person, women get a lot more opportunity to vet candidates. The onus, culturally, is on the man to make the first move, and per the sex incentives above, men are also more likely to be looking for a long-term (or short-term) sex partner. Somewhere in that process, odds are that you are going to find someone who fits the mold you have for a romantic relationship. But this only works if you meet other people!! !

Obviously meeting people and developing relationships is a difficult matter for Aspies almost universally. However, the odds are still in the woman's favor, as more men are likely to approach a woman, even a homely one, than her exact male counterpart. So her male counterpart had to make more effort to meet people. So from sheer effort alone, it's easier for women.

That isn't to say that it is necessarily easy, period, for women, to get a relationship -- it just is relatively easier.

I can't believe you're still all arguing this.
No-one can experience both sides of it. So you can't get an accurate representation.
It's amusing how everyone is trying to be the more hard-done-by side.

Sure. Pretty ones...in bars..

I don't assert that men have an easier time-
I just call out those who say women do.

Last edited by Bethie on 05 Jan 2011, 1:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Lol, I know right? I picture this scenario in my head when I read through these types of threads. XD

"My love life sucks more than yours!"
"Hey, you're right. Yours is much worse than mine. Do you feel better about it now?"
"...no."

Why try to win this argument? There's no reward for it.

So counterpoint -- if fat women can still land guys that are better-looking than them, while several men here have complained about being in perfect shape, great job, yet all they can get is what they perceive to be the bottom third of women (fat, ugly, homely, otherwise unattractive), is that not a sign of asymmetry?

Let's go farther -- the point being made here is that many men's standards are too high vs. what their value should be, and I don't dispute this -- I think it is a very valid point for men here to think about, and one that I myself had to get right with before I had more success, and ultimately, a happy marriage. There is a certain amount of intangible mathematics that go on in terms of how someone is valued, and it's very relative, but still discernible. A guy with no job, a big waistline, no hair, and not a great face shouldn't think that he's going to land someone gorgeous -- he should figure he should have a chance with his equivalent. If he doesn't like that, well, tough, you tend to get what you are relatively valued at by the other gender.

So, if unattractive women are the bottom third in terms of desirability, along with the poor and mentally handicapped, it would make sense that their male equivalents would be who they would end up dating.

But are we saying that the "Aspie penalty" is so much that it can take men who normally would be in the top 50% (good-looking, good job, intelligent, great character) and knock them down into that bottom third? Because this is what we're hearing from some male members here, while I have not heard the equivalent complaint here from anyone who was a woman who wasn't:
A) morbidly obese
B)very young and inexperienced
C) asexual and more into the idea of a relationship than actually getting into one (and admittedly, there are several male members here in this category as well)

So -- if things are equal, the Aspie penalty should be kicking in equally, and women with good bodies, good jobs, and great minds should also be knocked down into that bottom 3rd -- yet my feeling is that this isn't the case here. A lot of the better-looking women here have been married before, some even multiple times - I don't see their male counterparts represented here as much. Why is that? Could it maybe be that things are indeed skewed in favor of women, as we have tried to say here? We all know life isn't fair -- could this not be one of those things?

I'd use the term "hot" instead of "pretty." Guys in bars want girls who are hot, and pretty girls aren't necessarily hot.

The pretty-but-not-hot girls they'd put aside until they're ready for marriage under the assumption that these are the ones who'd be more faithful and more likely to stay with them no matter what an ass they are.