Why do they marry them?

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Point!

it's hard to leave someone violent.

^ that's exactly the kind of thing that I mean.

To me..and I'd think to anyone who has not been through what you've been through emlion.. that kind of thinking or attitude is completely incomprehensible.

That's what I meant above when I said its hard for an NT to understand how a forum like this one can actually be helpful despite so much negativity and depressive stuff.

i see - i think it's just you get used to it, and think you can't get any better. i dunno.

Am I correct when I assume that that was not a post on WP? If it was not then we can't ask the person why they are staying. If you are a member of that forum, you could though.

The OP specifically stated that she had seen posts made on WP regarding NT/AS marriages. She can ask those people why they stay instead of asking others to comment on their behavior.

Does anyone like it when someone asks someone else why you behave the way that you do? Again....the "they" she is referring to are here and have apparently recently posted questions.

I think you just focused on the wrong part of that post. Did you miss the point where she's treating him like utter crap but managed to use his Aspieness to convince him that it's all for his benefit? Honestly, the reason why she's with him is because she's a controlling b***h who managed to turn what was likely one tantrum into a collar to put around her new puppy's neck.


I've only dealt with psychological abuse, but...yeah, pretty much. There comes a point where you believe it's what you deserve, or you've convinced yourself that that person is already way better than you, and you're lucky to be with them, even with their issues.

In fact, it's the other way around , he's the one who's treating her like a crap according to the rest of her story , but that wasn't my point.

It's on AS partners forum, it's against the wp's rules to post links to other forums.

I get what the story is, but you guys are asking why NT women marry Aspie males. And, while this doesn't go for all NT women, I can tell you in that case it's because the girl craves someone who she can control, and found out how best to manipulate her lover: by monopolizing on his guilt and telling him that the only way he's not going to lose her is by doing things exactly the way she wants him to.

Hell, she even told him that she refuses to stay in the house until his sister leaves. Not only does this not make sense, since if she was afraid of his violent outbursts, having another person to calm him down/pull him off of her would be a benefit, but it also reeks of her trying to isolate him from his support structure.

...Sorry if that doesn't make sense, I'm trying to be as coherent as possible right now, but the sentences aren't exactly coming out easily.

Maybe they just love them.
Not everything has a sinister undertone.
Love takes people to difficult places sometimes.

I don't think everything has a sinister undertone, but that post certainly did. It's particularly evident when she condescendingly refers to him as a little boy because he believes that all of this is right. Even she knows she's in the wrong.

@flamemasterelan, I think I'm starting to understand your screen name - at least the "flamemaster" bit. I'm sorry that you hold the kind of beliefs you've written about here. They're not accurate, and they're not helpful. The reality is that dysfunctional parents raise dysfunctional kids - who grow up to be dysfunctional adults. Dysfunctional people come in all shapes, religions, races, sexes, neurological statuses, etc. That's what that story is about: two dysfunctional people who are attracted to each other because of their dysfunction. In this particular story, one of the partners is Aspie; that partner could have just as easily been alcoholic; drug dependent; a survivor of sexual abuse, etc. It's the dysfunctional behavior that's the problem.

There's no easy answer to the OP's question. As @ntgirl has stated (pretty effectively, IMO), there are a multitude of factors that draw people to each other; there are a multitude of problems a couple can face; there are a multitude of reasons relationships fail. Neurological status is just one factor within that multitude.

First, let's not try to analyze my screen name. It's taken from a character in a story I wrote when I was twelve. It means that Elan is able to manipulate the element of fire.

Second, these aren't beliefs that I hold. What I've written is what I have inferred from the story posted. The dysfunctional behavior that's the problem is the partner's. This isn't a case where she's afraid of him, she's holding all the cards. And rather than leave him for his behavior, she places herself into a master/servant relationship with her ASBF as she calls him. She's the one calling all the shots and making him think that this is the way it's supposed to be, so he should be happy with the situation.

And I should note that I in no way believe that this story is indicative of all NT's, female or male, but in this case? Yeah, I can't hold my tongue. That's a very unhealthy relationship, probably from both sides, but from what I can see from that post? He's done crap in the past and she's going to make him pay for it.

(Ugh, do you have any idea how horribly this condescending cr*p comes across?)



Can't argue with that. You could perhaps tell this to the "Cassandra" of the story, on the other forum. I'd love to see her reaction.

I asked why they marry them, not why they love them. When one is deciding to marry, it ultimately comes down to a yes/no decision.



In my mind, I had wondered "Why do they (these women whom have these problems, as articulated in my post, with their husbands) marry them (those husbands they have such problems with)." And thus that is how I phrased the question. The question was directed at everyone, as it is an open forum, and indeed, I wished for answers from anyone who might have an answer.

If I had addressed the question at a particular individual, or group of individuals, I would have greatly reduced my chances of having my question answered, as that individual, or one in that group of individuals would, by chance, have had to happened upon it, and the frequency with which such individual visit this website, and forum, are unknown, but generally small, and number of NT's in general tends to be small as well.

Another reason for not directing the question at a specific individual or a group of individuals is, that could have been taken as an attack on that individual or group of individuals, and so I attempted to avoid that.

Being it did not work and you still felt attacked despite my efforts, if I am going to be mis-characterized and attacked one way or another, I would like to use this instance to highlight how NT's continue to put people with AS in no win situations, always coming down on us for something we did "wrong".



See above.



There are 46,232 members on this website and this is the first time I have ever encountered you. How would I have know who you are, why you are here, and that you wish for people to contact you with questions concerning NT's? I don't see how it is reasonable to assume that at all, especially in light of my experiences with contacting people unsolicited with questions, which I am almost always met with hostility or ignored or told I am being socially inappropriate.



What else would be discuss? We are surrounded by NT's and our interactions with, or attempted interactions with pose one of the largest difficulties in our lives, as it is generally impossible not to interact in some way.



I don't see the problem with this.



I generally tell people to seek counseling because it gives the marriage a better chance, and the individuals involved a better idea of what the problems and solutions might be. In cases where I perceive there is physical or emotional abuse, I do not believe that should be given a chance, regardless of whether or not the abuser has AS.



I don't see what's wrong with that. Is it not better to understand why someone is asking a question? I was sharing why such a thing does not make sense to me, and illuminating the source of my confusion to put the question in context of my perspective.



If you ask a question and provide your reasoning for asking it, it would better help us understand your perspectives, thought processes and logic, so we can contrast and compare with our own, and perhaps make corrections to our perceptions where applicable. I feel you do a disservice to others and yourself by not explaining your logic.

Would you like a math tutor to not explain their logic and telling you the answer to the question is just common sense, when they are proclaiming to try to help you? Probably not. You would probably just get confused and frustrated that this person is withholding information from you.



Then provide solutions. So far, in this post, you have not. You have just become angered with me for asking a question, mis-characterized me by making false assumptions as to who the question was directed at, blasted me for sharing my logic as to why I would not do as these women, claimed you would not ask such questions, and would with-hold your own logic because it's "common sense", and so on....I am in the industry of finding solutions to problems and there is no way this translates to any solutions to any problems.

If I've angered you I'm sorry, but that seems a bit impossible not to do at the moment.