Friends zone and not understanding women

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gtw1983
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01 Jul 2011, 5:35 pm

RICKY5 wrote:
Get a good GFE provider and you will never look back. All the sweetness of a "real" relationship and none of the BS.


Lol...by GFE are you talking about 'Girlfriend Experience'?
In other words a special form of prostitution?

If so that might be good if you just want some Sex.But at least for me having a 'girlfriend' means having a lot more than a single nights hot romp in the sheets.

nick007 wrote:
I think it's because people who have issues are better able to relate, understand & accept others issues than people who don't. Plus some things can compliment each other. That's partly why I'd rather find someone with issues. I'd have more to offer em than someone who doesn't because I can provide emotional support & things.


Agreed....That's one thing I guess attracted me to my short time ex..her emotional problems.
Unfortunately she was BAD Bi polar so we ended up being a bad match in the end due to her extreme emotional swings and my lack of emotion and being able to read her at the time.I've gotten a lot better at social skills in the last 2ys.But all the same next time I think I'll try to seek out either a sane non dramatic NT, or a Aspie girl :p



RICKY5
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01 Jul 2011, 5:41 pm

gtw1983 wrote:
RICKY5 wrote:
Get a good GFE provider and you will never look back. All the sweetness of a "real" relationship and none of the BS.


Lol...by GFE are you talking about 'Girlfriend Experience'?
In other words a special form of prostitution?

If so that might be good if you just want some Sex.But at least for me having a 'girlfriend' means having a lot more than a single nights hot romp in the sheets.

nick007 wrote:
I think it's because people who have issues are better able to relate, understand & accept others issues than people who don't. Plus some things can compliment each other. That's partly why I'd rather find someone with issues. I'd have more to offer em than someone who doesn't because I can provide emotional support & things.


Agreed....That's one thing I guess attracted me to my short time ex..her emotional problems.
Unfortunately she was BAD Bi polar so we ended up being a bad match in the end due to her extreme emotional swings and my lack of emotion and being able to read her at the time.I've gotten a lot better at social skills in the last 2ys.But all the same next time I think I'll try to seek out either a sane non dramatic NT, or a Aspie girl :p


Don't forget mortgage payments and alimony! :P



gtw1983
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01 Jul 2011, 7:22 pm

RICKY5 wrote:
gtw1983 wrote:
RICKY5 wrote:
Get a good GFE provider and you will never look back. All the sweetness of a "real" relationship and none of the BS.


Lol...by GFE are you talking about 'Girlfriend Experience'?
In other words a special form of prostitution?

If so that might be good if you just want some Sex.But at least for me having a 'girlfriend' means having a lot more than a single nights hot romp in the sheets.

nick007 wrote:
I think it's because people who have issues are better able to relate, understand & accept others issues than people who don't. Plus some things can compliment each other. That's partly why I'd rather find someone with issues. I'd have more to offer em than someone who doesn't because I can provide emotional support & things.


Agreed....That's one thing I guess attracted me to my short time ex..her emotional problems.
Unfortunately she was BAD Bi polar so we ended up being a bad match in the end due to her extreme emotional swings and my lack of emotion and being able to read her at the time.I've gotten a lot better at social skills in the last 2ys.But all the same next time I think I'll try to seek out either a sane non dramatic NT, or a Aspie girl :p


Don't forget mortgage payments and alimony! :P


Lol..yeah those are some big things to think about.
But the idea of me dying alone as an old man never having a wife/children and my entire romantic life having consisted of one night visits to hookers is just plain sad :(



Adam82
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01 Jul 2011, 7:30 pm

gtw1983 wrote:

But the idea of me dying alone as an old man never having a wife/children and my entire romantic life having consisted of one night visits to hookers is just plain sad :(


Same here. That's just pathetic. Having to pay someone. I want someone who wants me for me.



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01 Jul 2011, 11:14 pm

RICKY5 wrote:
Unless they are bringing you something that benefits you/you like, they are useless.

Interesting, to reduce the benefits of relationships to sex, and think of human beings in terms of whether they're usable. 8O
RICKY5 wrote:
Get a good GFE provider and you will never look back. All the sweetness of a "real" relationship and none of the BS.

Asserting orgasm is more ultimate than emotional intimacy with fellow human beings is quite frankly unhealthy, and reeks of a psychological disorder.


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justjelliot
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01 Jul 2011, 11:34 pm

Chronos wrote:
justjelliot wrote:
Nearly all my life I've been a good friend. Such a good friend that girls wouldn't want to wreck that. For so long I thought I was so f**** up that I thought it would be selfish to bring a girl down to my level. I couldn't fix myself and become normal. Eventually I tried to off myself, and six months after that I got the Aspie diagnosis. Now I don't feel so terrible about myself, as I'm not to 'blame' for being so different.

All this goes to show that I have struggled with the ladies beyond being good friends. I have never been out with one girl more than six times, and never had a real girlfriend. I've only kissed a girl (sober) once, and that was last week, at 25. I've never had (sober) sex or anything more.

I used to go to my friends who were girls, and ask for step by step guidelines on how to make things work with girls. They implied that such a nice guy like me would know it when I saw it, would need to play it by ear, etc. I did that, and it never worked.

I found out years later with a few girls that if I had made a move or tried to 'get some' they would have happily provided. One in particular asked what was wrong with me years earlier. I didn't say this, but thought 'You never explicitly told me what I could or couldn't do.' I used to think the ideas of men taking the lead, making moves, etc, was a way that the church and men keep women down, and the liberated woman tells the man what's ok.

After all, guys have a button pretty much. We're always ready to go, we just need to know what is off limits, we'll take care of the rest.

Can anyone relate? Is there a rule book somewhere, or an online translator to know what girls mean when they don't explicitly say it?


As I previously said, most girls are going to expect you to make the first move and in your situation, you need to let your romantic intentions be known a little sooner. If you don't know if it's ok to make a move then ask her.

And it's not true that all guys are "ready to go". A lot of guys have standards and preferences or anxiety and will turn down women they don't like, or aren't comfortable with for some reason.


Why is it always that guys are expected to make the first move? Maybe some NT guys get and like that, and know how it works. How do I make romantic intentions clear, aside from continuing to ask them out, or say, 'I like you'? I do regularly ask if moves are ok. Most girls don't think I'm being serious and end up laughing a good bit. Either that, or they think I'm serious and are uncomfortable or laughing at me.

I was talking to a girl who happens to be a friend yesterday, not girlfriend. She just broke up with her boyfriend. I told her how I don't do spontaneous romance, how I always ask in advance, and get confirmation that whatever move I make is ok. She didn't get that. I then told her I could push her against the wall and show her passion like she's never seen. The kicker is, it'll either turn into a love fest, or I'll be on the 5:00 news for assault. If I have to pick between those options, the possibility of assault trumps a love fest, so I'll ask first.

Does that make sense?


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02 Jul 2011, 12:08 am

justjelliot wrote:

Why is it always that guys are expected to make the first move? Maybe some NT guys get and like that, and know how it works. How do I make romantic intentions clear, aside from continuing to ask them out, or say, 'I like you'? I do regularly ask if moves are ok. Most girls don't think I'm being serious and end up laughing a good bit. Either that, or they think I'm serious and are uncomfortable or laughing at me.

I was talking to a girl who happens to be a friend yesterday, not girlfriend. She just broke up with her boyfriend. I told her how I don't do spontaneous romance, how I always ask in advance, and get confirmation that whatever move I make is ok. She didn't get that. I then told her I could push her against the wall and show her passion like she's never seen. The kicker is, it'll either turn into a love fest, or I'll be on the 5:00 news for assault. If I have to pick between those options, the possibility of assault trumps a love fest, so I'll ask first.

Does that make sense?


What do "romantic intentions" have to do with lust?
Not saying they're exclusive- quite the opposite, sometimes- but neither is the former reducible to the latter, or even implicating of it.


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justjelliot
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02 Jul 2011, 12:15 am

ValentineWiggin wrote:
justjelliot wrote:

Why is it always that guys are expected to make the first move? Maybe some NT guys get and like that, and know how it works. How do I make romantic intentions clear, aside from continuing to ask them out, or say, 'I like you'? I do regularly ask if moves are ok. Most girls don't think I'm being serious and end up laughing a good bit. Either that, or they think I'm serious and are uncomfortable or laughing at me.

I was talking to a girl who happens to be a friend yesterday, not girlfriend. She just broke up with her boyfriend. I told her how I don't do spontaneous romance, how I always ask in advance, and get confirmation that whatever move I make is ok. She didn't get that. I then told her I could push her against the wall and show her passion like she's never seen. The kicker is, it'll either turn into a love fest, or I'll be on the 5:00 news for assault. If I have to pick between those options, the possibility of assault trumps a love fest, so I'll ask first.

Does that make sense?


What do "romantic intentions" have to do with lust?
Not saying they're exclusive- quite the opposite, sometimes- but neither is the former reducible to the latter, or even implicating of it.


"Jenny, I'm not a smart man, but I do know what love is." -Forrest Gump

I really have no idea what you just said. There's a lot of big words I don't understand, and then you jump from former to latter a few times, and then throw in opposite, so I had a lot of trouble following your point.
I gathered that you don't understand what romantic intentions have to do with lust. I'm not sure where either of those came from. I was just trying to make a point about how tough it is to make the first move, when I never know what first move is appropriate.


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02 Jul 2011, 1:05 am

justjelliot wrote:
ValentineWiggin wrote:
justjelliot wrote:

Why is it always that guys are expected to make the first move? Maybe some NT guys get and like that, and know how it works. How do I make romantic intentions clear, aside from continuing to ask them out, or say, 'I like you'? I do regularly ask if moves are ok. Most girls don't think I'm being serious and end up laughing a good bit. Either that, or they think I'm serious and are uncomfortable or laughing at me.

I was talking to a girl who happens to be a friend yesterday, not girlfriend. She just broke up with her boyfriend. I told her how I don't do spontaneous romance, how I always ask in advance, and get confirmation that whatever move I make is ok. She didn't get that. I then told her I could push her against the wall and show her passion like she's never seen. The kicker is, it'll either turn into a love fest, or I'll be on the 5:00 news for assault. If I have to pick between those options, the possibility of assault trumps a love fest, so I'll ask first.

Does that make sense?


What do "romantic intentions" have to do with lust?
Not saying they're exclusive- quite the opposite, sometimes- but neither is the former reducible to the latter, or even implicating of it.


"Jenny, I'm not a smart man, but I do know what love is." -Forrest Gump

I really have no idea what you just said. There's a lot of big words I don't understand, and then you jump from former to latter a few times, and then throw in opposite, so I had a lot of trouble following your point.
I gathered that you don't understand what romantic intentions have to do with lust. I'm not sure where either of those came from. I was just trying to make a point about how tough it is to make the first move, when I never know what first move is appropriate.


Apologies.
I was in turn asking why you (seemed to me to) imply making romantic intentions clear involves initiating sex with someone you're not even sure has feelings for you of any sort. 8O


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02 Jul 2011, 2:51 am

gtw1983 wrote:
GoatOnFire wrote:
Huh????? Um, maybe I didn't make it clear enough. I don't have any friendships to destroy through a relationship. If I get hit on it is always by someone who has never met me before.


What do you think it is about you that makes them loose interest?
I've had this problem a lot in the past,but I can't pin a single set of behaviors down as the main culprit.
Maybe it's just that they sense I'm a little 'slow' so to speak.

If I knew that for sure, I would know what to target. I have suspected that body language is a big factor. Sometimes if I get in to a rhythm I can actually do a reasonable job of one on one conversation as long as I'm not leading it, though it is extremely rare for anyone to give me a chance at a one on one conversation. I'm completely lost around groups. I may also attribute it to vibes I don't intend to give off or an 'it' factor outside of my control. And whenever they do hit on me and I notice, it is really blatant. I think they just want sex but when they realize that that is not my immediate intention they just lose interest. Or maybe they're just trying to lure me into a position to rob me by pretending to be interested. I can't be 100% sure.
gtw1983 wrote:
GoatOnFire wrote:
Well, I wouldn't have even been aware that I was her friend in that case. As far as I know (and I should know) I have never had a female friend.


Curious.
How about other dudes,are you able to make friendships with them without much trouble?

Well, no. I don't make friends of either sex easily at all. Currently I have none. However, thinking back to the past I have had some male acquaintances that were close to maybe being considered a friend. Never even close to even an ambiguous friendship with a female.


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02 Jul 2011, 2:56 am

I've never had a female friend, myself, and really a male friend, either, except as direct-precursors to relationships.


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justjelliot
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02 Jul 2011, 9:22 am

ValentineWiggin wrote:
justjelliot wrote:
ValentineWiggin wrote:
justjelliot wrote:

Why is it always that guys are expected to make the first move? Maybe some NT guys get and like that, and know how it works. How do I make romantic intentions clear, aside from continuing to ask them out, or say, 'I like you'? I do regularly ask if moves are ok. Most girls don't think I'm being serious and end up laughing a good bit. Either that, or they think I'm serious and are uncomfortable or laughing at me.

I was talking to a girl who happens to be a friend yesterday, not girlfriend. She just broke up with her boyfriend. I told her how I don't do spontaneous romance, how I always ask in advance, and get confirmation that whatever move I make is ok. She didn't get that. I then told her I could push her against the wall and show her passion like she's never seen. The kicker is, it'll either turn into a love fest, or I'll be on the 5:00 news for assault. If I have to pick between those options, the possibility of assault trumps a love fest, so I'll ask first.

Does that make sense?


What do "romantic intentions" have to do with lust?
Not saying they're exclusive- quite the opposite, sometimes- but neither is the former reducible to the latter, or even implicating of it.


"Jenny, I'm not a smart man, but I do know what love is." -Forrest Gump

I really have no idea what you just said. There's a lot of big words I don't understand, and then you jump from former to latter a few times, and then throw in opposite, so I had a lot of trouble following your point.
I gathered that you don't understand what romantic intentions have to do with lust. I'm not sure where either of those came from. I was just trying to make a point about how tough it is to make the first move, when I never know what first move is appropriate.


Apologies.
I was in turn asking why you (seemed to me to) imply making romantic intentions clear involves initiating sex with someone you're not even sure has feelings for you of any sort. 8O


Ok, I understand now. I've been told I fluctuate between extremes on a lot of issues, with no happy mediums. This may be another one of those cases, where I don't understand how to make romantic intention clear without making it extreme. Then again, I was more or less trying to make that example to show how I fear making intentions clear, because I never know how it's going to be taken.

I have said before 'I like you. Now what?' That's much milder than the prior example. It also never ended well.


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02 Jul 2011, 7:00 pm

Adam82 wrote:
gtw1983 wrote:

But the idea of me dying alone as an old man never having a wife/children and my entire romantic life having consisted of one night visits to hookers is just plain sad :(


Same here. That's just pathetic. Having to pay someone. I want someone who wants me for me.


Everyone pays for it. Everyone wants something from someone. It is how humans are wired.



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03 Jul 2011, 12:00 am

justjelliot wrote:
I have said before 'I like you. Now what?'


That kind of rocks, actually. :!:
If only the whole world were so blunt.


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03 Jul 2011, 1:31 am

Just out of curiousity, if you don't tell them they need to tell you its okay to make a move, how should they know thats what they must do? Women cannot read mens minds either, whatever media may imply.

Hmmm and the 'I like you - now what' - I don't know why that didn't work. Were the answers unclear? Were the answers the usual vague 'I like you as a friend'?



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03 Jul 2011, 3:20 am

Gwenwyn wrote:
Just out of curiousity, if you don't tell them they need to tell you its okay to make a move, how should they know thats what they must do? Women cannot read mens minds either, whatever media may imply.

Hmmm and the 'I like you - now what' - I don't know why that didn't work. Were the answers unclear? Were the answers the usual vague 'I like you as a friend'?


I have no clue. Sometimes I think I understand what people are referring to here, what with "love and dating", "relationships", etc,
and then everyone starts referring to situations and hypotheticals which sound most to me like a john picking up a prostitute. 8O


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They talk and vote as they are directed by Some Man of Property, who has attached their Minds
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