The_Face_of_Boo
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Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,115
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
01 Jul 2011, 2:59 pm
01 Jul 2011, 3:06 pm
01 Jul 2011, 3:11 pm
01 Jul 2011, 5:10 pm
spongy
Veteran
Joined: 17 Jul 2010
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,055
Location: Patiently waiting for the seventh wave
01 Jul 2011, 5:34 pm
03 Jul 2011, 6:33 am
mv wrote:
Laz wrote:
keira wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
There's plenty of time for it though.. I mean there is no time limit for it. 
However, the more time passes by the more you get hurt. The more you get hurt the thicker walls you build around yourself. The thicker the walls are... Well it's obvious.
I don't mean to bring The_Face_of_Boo or anyone else down. It's just the way I feel about myself.
It is a logical reaction in some respect. But in the long run it can be quite unhealthy and detremental to your growth. But breaking down those walls doesn't have to be at risk of being hurt again or exposing yourself.
Can you expand upon this, Laz? How does this work?
Quote:
@Laz Could you advise on how to brake down those walls?
I think at its most pure and simple way. You open yourself by displaying altruistic compassion and help to others with no expectation of reward in of itself. I guess for me I have the fortunate path of working in a career in which I help out other people on the spectrum. But maybe other avenues such as volunteering to work in homeless shelters, working with disabled children or adults. Or something similair.
I can only speak from my own experianec but acts of kindness were for a brief moment you connect with another human being and show them that you understand their plight and you empower them to move in the right direction from their predicament are rewarding experiances that you will benefit from. Even simply being there to actively listen to someones story of their human condition and plight can be the first in a long time someone has given that person the time and space to express themselves.
These acts are a benefit to you indirectly. You become enriched through such experiances and I find when this is something you do on a weekly basis without ego or pride getting in the way just simple human compassion you will be emitting an aura and you will be keeping your walls broken down because your still making the effort to connect with people. But your not throwing yourself out there emotionally to be hurt by rejection your making human connections that keep your bridges open and prevent them burning down and having to make the effort to re-build them in the future.
This isn't easy to do and I actually don't take my own advice. Because I seem to be in a cycle of self isolation at this moment in time. My own fault, I've gone and got myself burned recently
But I think thats just the nature of my AS. So in short I don't have the most direct answer but I have a means through which you can at least partially break down the walls and barriers and in doing so it shows to others that you can be approached so to speak.Thats probably not as direct an answer as you would have liked but it is something that can "begin" the process not solve it for you. If that makse sense?
Quote:
It's fairly damaging if you're not asexual. Me, I'm a complete horndog, but I'm incapable of casual sex.
Indeed, It took me awhile to reach that conclusion after getting myself burned a few times in my adolescene/early adulthood.
And well its hardly a secret now that I can become quite obsessive emotionally
03 Jul 2011, 6:46 am
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
spongy wrote:
blue_bean wrote:
MXH wrote:
I think the saying is its better to have loved and lost than not loved at all.
I disagree with that saying very much.
You may dissagree with it right now/for some years after youve been hurt and its normal to do so. But in time you´ll have some sort of memories to remember about those that you loved(even if they hurted you) whereas if you hadnt loved you´d be wondering what love´s like(which is not a pleasant expierence).
He's right, and if I recall right, blue_bean, you posted your story few weeks ago so you proobably feel very bitter and sad right now, you might think that your current feeling is the worst feeling in the world, maybe that's true only for a while, but after 1 year it's not.
It has been one year
03 Jul 2011, 11:24 am
03 Jul 2011, 11:52 am
03 Jul 2011, 12:45 pm
03 Jul 2011, 12:58 pm
spongy
Veteran
Joined: 17 Jul 2010
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,055
Location: Patiently waiting for the seventh wave
03 Jul 2011, 1:04 pm
blue_bean wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
spongy wrote:
blue_bean wrote:
MXH wrote:
I think the saying is its better to have loved and lost than not loved at all.
I disagree with that saying very much.
You may dissagree with it right now/for some years after youve been hurt and its normal to do so. But in time you´ll have some sort of memories to remember about those that you loved(even if they hurted you) whereas if you hadnt loved you´d be wondering what love´s like(which is not a pleasant expierence).
He's right, and if I recall right, blue_bean, you posted your story few weeks ago so you proobably feel very bitter and sad right now, you might think that your current feeling is the worst feeling in the world, maybe that's true only for a while, but after 1 year it's not.
It has been one year
You seem quite upset about it, have you considered some sort of therapy on how to move on(if therapy sessions are unafordable there are several selfhelp books on the market and they might be worth a try/you could try doing something that distracts you from him for a while or something)?
03 Jul 2011, 2:44 pm
Laz wrote:
I think at its most pure and simple way. You open yourself by displaying altruistic compassion and help to others with no expectation of reward in of itself. I guess for me I have the fortunate path of working in a career in which I help out other people on the spectrum. But maybe other avenues such as volunteering to work in homeless shelters, working with disabled children or adults. Or something similair.
I can only speak from my own experianec but acts of kindness were for a brief moment you connect with another human being and show them that you understand their plight and you empower them to move in the right direction from their predicament are rewarding experiances that you will benefit from. Even simply being there to actively listen to someones story of their human condition and plight can be the first in a long time someone has given that person the time and space to express themselves.
These acts are a benefit to you indirectly. You become enriched through such experiances and I find when this is something you do on a weekly basis without ego or pride getting in the way just simple human compassion you will be emitting an aura and you will be keeping your walls broken down because your still making the effort to connect with people. But your not throwing yourself out there emotionally to be hurt by rejection your making human connections that keep your bridges open and prevent them burning down and having to make the effort to re-build them in the future.
This isn't easy to do and I actually don't take my own advice. Because I seem to be in a cycle of self isolation at this moment in time. My own fault, I've gone and got myself burned recently But I think thats just the nature of my AS. So in short I don't have the most direct answer but I have a means through which you can at least partially break down the walls and barriers and in doing so it shows to others that you can be approached so to speak.
Thats probably not as direct an answer as you would have liked but it is something that can "begin" the process not solve it for you. If that makse sense?
I can only speak from my own experianec but acts of kindness were for a brief moment you connect with another human being and show them that you understand their plight and you empower them to move in the right direction from their predicament are rewarding experiances that you will benefit from. Even simply being there to actively listen to someones story of their human condition and plight can be the first in a long time someone has given that person the time and space to express themselves.
These acts are a benefit to you indirectly. You become enriched through such experiances and I find when this is something you do on a weekly basis without ego or pride getting in the way just simple human compassion you will be emitting an aura and you will be keeping your walls broken down because your still making the effort to connect with people. But your not throwing yourself out there emotionally to be hurt by rejection your making human connections that keep your bridges open and prevent them burning down and having to make the effort to re-build them in the future.
This isn't easy to do and I actually don't take my own advice. Because I seem to be in a cycle of self isolation at this moment in time. My own fault, I've gone and got myself burned recently
But I think thats just the nature of my AS. So in short I don't have the most direct answer but I have a means through which you can at least partially break down the walls and barriers and in doing so it shows to others that you can be approached so to speak.Thats probably not as direct an answer as you would have liked but it is something that can "begin" the process not solve it for you. If that makse sense?
I have to admit that I never thought about it this way but it does make a lot of sense. I believe I could try to apply your advice in my work as I work with socially and often emotionally vulnerable people. I don't get to interact with them directly a lot and I usually try to avoid it but maybe changing this could be a good start.
Thank you for your advice and for taking time to share your thoughts.
03 Jul 2011, 9:19 pm
keira wrote:
Laz wrote:
I think at its most pure and simple way. You open yourself by displaying altruistic compassion and help to others with no expectation of reward in of itself. I guess for me I have the fortunate path of working in a career in which I help out other people on the spectrum. But maybe other avenues such as volunteering to work in homeless shelters, working with disabled children or adults. Or something similair.
I can only speak from my own experianec but acts of kindness were for a brief moment you connect with another human being and show them that you understand their plight and you empower them to move in the right direction from their predicament are rewarding experiances that you will benefit from. Even simply being there to actively listen to someones story of their human condition and plight can be the first in a long time someone has given that person the time and space to express themselves.
These acts are a benefit to you indirectly. You become enriched through such experiances and I find when this is something you do on a weekly basis without ego or pride getting in the way just simple human compassion you will be emitting an aura and you will be keeping your walls broken down because your still making the effort to connect with people. But your not throwing yourself out there emotionally to be hurt by rejection your making human connections that keep your bridges open and prevent them burning down and having to make the effort to re-build them in the future.
This isn't easy to do and I actually don't take my own advice. Because I seem to be in a cycle of self isolation at this moment in time. My own fault, I've gone and got myself burned recently But I think thats just the nature of my AS. So in short I don't have the most direct answer but I have a means through which you can at least partially break down the walls and barriers and in doing so it shows to others that you can be approached so to speak.
Thats probably not as direct an answer as you would have liked but it is something that can "begin" the process not solve it for you. If that makse sense?
I can only speak from my own experianec but acts of kindness were for a brief moment you connect with another human being and show them that you understand their plight and you empower them to move in the right direction from their predicament are rewarding experiances that you will benefit from. Even simply being there to actively listen to someones story of their human condition and plight can be the first in a long time someone has given that person the time and space to express themselves.
These acts are a benefit to you indirectly. You become enriched through such experiances and I find when this is something you do on a weekly basis without ego or pride getting in the way just simple human compassion you will be emitting an aura and you will be keeping your walls broken down because your still making the effort to connect with people. But your not throwing yourself out there emotionally to be hurt by rejection your making human connections that keep your bridges open and prevent them burning down and having to make the effort to re-build them in the future.
This isn't easy to do and I actually don't take my own advice. Because I seem to be in a cycle of self isolation at this moment in time. My own fault, I've gone and got myself burned recently
But I think thats just the nature of my AS. So in short I don't have the most direct answer but I have a means through which you can at least partially break down the walls and barriers and in doing so it shows to others that you can be approached so to speak.Thats probably not as direct an answer as you would have liked but it is something that can "begin" the process not solve it for you. If that makse sense?
I have to admit that I never thought about it this way but it does make a lot of sense. I believe I could try to apply your advice in my work as I work with socially and often emotionally vulnerable people. I don't get to interact with them directly a lot and I usually try to avoid it but maybe changing this could be a good start.
Thank you for your advice and for taking time to share your thoughts.
I absolutely agree with both of you. Something about stepping out of ourselves and our condition tends to change things.
03 Jul 2011, 9:39 pm
spongy wrote:
blue_bean wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
spongy wrote:
blue_bean wrote:
MXH wrote:
I think the saying is its better to have loved and lost than not loved at all.
I disagree with that saying very much.
You may dissagree with it right now/for some years after youve been hurt and its normal to do so. But in time you´ll have some sort of memories to remember about those that you loved(even if they hurted you) whereas if you hadnt loved you´d be wondering what love´s like(which is not a pleasant expierence).
He's right, and if I recall right, blue_bean, you posted your story few weeks ago so you proobably feel very bitter and sad right now, you might think that your current feeling is the worst feeling in the world, maybe that's true only for a while, but after 1 year it's not.
It has been one year
You seem quite upset about it, have you considered some sort of therapy on how to move on(if therapy sessions are unafordable there are several selfhelp books on the market and they might be worth a try/you could try doing something that distracts you from him for a while or something)?
*huff* I'm fine!! Nor am I still "hung up" on him. Just that my self esteem/confidence was worse off after loving and losing, than it would be if I never loved at all.
MXH
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Joined: 28 Jul 2010
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,057
Location: Here i stand and face the rain
03 Jul 2011, 9:46 pm
