Why is dating considerably easier after 40

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I'm pretty sure the "50" figure was just a hypothetical number tossed out for the sake of argument.

And please, let's not start in with the "women have it easier than men" thing.



Yeah, you're right about that. The couple of times I posted online ads, I was overwhelmed with the number of responses, and quickly withdrew the ads. I also realized that it's very difficult to get an idea about someone from an email response to the ad. I found myself thinking things like ... "should I encourage this guy or not? I can't tell." The net result was ... I only actually went out with a couple of them, and none more than once.



They certainly didn't benefit me.

Real life is probably better. And thats the problem with being older. Asking someone out who is most likey to be attached or married, is not easy, Execpt for the few who men who have supprisingly good social skills but never settled down. I don't know what it is like to be an older woman I wonder if older single men are made up of mostly men who have no intion of sattling down or men who have older men quality which includes wanting to settle down.

actually, older women have a much harder time than younger women on dating sites. OKCupid identified the issue that most men want to date younger (MUCH younger) women, and send the majority of their messages to women way under 30 (even under 20)... regardless of whether the man is 18 or 48 years old.

The applicable OKTrend blog link isn't working at the moment, but I found a summary of some of the key points:

http://www.readwriteweb.com/archives/ol ... from_o.php

kinda makes you wonder... are some men unsuccessful in getting dates on there because they are sending most of their messages to extremely young women as opposed to women of their own age... or older? older women are a bit overlooked in online dating.

Except by even older men. Can't tell you how many messages I got from men in their 60's, despite my having a very specific age range on my profile.

That may be because guys don't want woman who will feel like a mom to em. I'm in a relationship with a girl from here who's 9years & about 3months younger than me & it feels like we are on the same level. A while back a woman who's 35 was intrested in me on another site & she had 3sons; oldest was 14 & other two were twins who were 12 & when I talked to her about music or TV; she would make comments about how her sons liked it & when I talked to her about things with life; I felt like I was being mothered

It comes down to reproductive health. "Younger woman can have more children and their is less complications" even if a man doesn't want children it is instinctual to choose a younger woman. Strang this though personally I don't mind older woman but not too happy about older black woman. Maybe it may feel like dating my own mother, a little.

Well, I dunno. Most of my responses were from men in my age group. A few were quite a bit older, and a small number were from guys in their early 20's, which made me laugh at what the hell they could be thinking.

I have no idea how typical my experience was. Maybe if I'd done this when I was 25, I'd have gotten replies from much older men too.

this is the point - whatever the reasons, older women don't have it easy in the dating world.

a couple of years ago i had a profile online, and i got a massive number of responses from men aged 18 to 70 who were seeking casual sex. HOWEVER, i had significantly less interest from men who wanted to actually date.

older men can have great difficulties of their own in the dating world too. there are pitfalls for anyone.

I wasn't overlooking older in my own search. I messaged women as old as 32 (and most of the women I tried to contact were 25-29, although I have to admit there was still some 18-20 in there as well). Regardless of the age of the woman though, I was never able to progress beyond one response.

In an ideal world, i'd just want there to be even one woman that loved me for who I am, no matter what. Guess I'm never going to be able to find that, huh?

I was on OKC for forever, and I got several messages from men 40+ (my age range was set from 21 to 30, my being 22-23).
It probably stands out in my mind just because it was very disproportionate to the fraction of younger men who messaged me, as per site demographics, because a lot of my profile (I think) repelled younger ones.

I guess they must be using gorilla tactics again. Those who send the most messages have the advantage.
I wish dating sites limited everyone messages.

No, they were all addressed to me personally (the messages from older men) and made reference to my profile, and inquired as to different things I'd mentioned on it.

If you subscribe to the theory that an average woman on a dating site is bombarded with messages (heh),
then by definition you'd take the time to compose your own messages thoughtfully so as to set them apart from all the rest of the drivel she gets.

It occurs to me that those who mass-compose and send messages are little better than spammers, actually- they're certainly not interested in finding the *right* person, so much as *a* person.

I guess it could work it work if they read the message. I am not a fan of texting and polite declines are going to be time consuming. When I think about it, it is a good idea. I might even try the free dating agencies again. List my profile and message woman.

I found my old profile on google docs. Have I made it to NT compatible or not enough.
I'm a little bit shy on the outside but handle with care and I'll soon warm up! I do think of myself as adventurous, it would be nice to meet someone with the same attitude. I like to enjoy life, take the odd risk every now and again and just generally go with the flow. I don't like to get too stressed about things, so I'm a pretty laid back and easy to be around.

I have to admit that I'm probably geeky enough for two, but it would be great to find someone who knows their iPhone from their Blackberry and won't try to use my phone to change the TV channel... Other things I enjoy... My kind of culture would probably have to be getting out and about and experiencing some really cosmopolitan street vibes or carnival, even a trip to Covent Garden is nice, I hope to go to Japan one day . If you're up for some serious adventures, then I think we might be off to a really good start. I love nothing more than getting out into the wilds and experiencing the thrill of the unknown. I think that's when you really start to grow as a person.

My idea of romance would have to be sharing those amazing moments together, where it feels like the world's stopped turning. I'd really like to go on a date that takes me right into the heart of the nature. A spot where we're surrounded by beautiful countryside but only have eyes for one another. I want to be with a girl who makes me feel invigorated and energised and confident and inspired, who makes me want to be myself and more, who encourages me and thrills me and makes me really delicious dinner every now and then. If love was a place it would be a a picnic in the woods, a place that you can really breathe and hear yourself think. I want someone who will surprise and inspire me and make me laugh so much that my tummy hurts.

I'd really like to get married one day if I meet the right girl. My plus points? Well, I think I'm a natural when it comes to technical stuff. What can I say, I'm good with my hands and have quite a logical mind. Tinkering with anything that's a bit technical is always a treat. My perfect life? I like to be by the sea, so mysterious and full of forgotten stories. I love the idea of sitting in a lighthouse and gazing out to sea, thinking about all the lost souls and sailors that have been guided home by its beam.

Favorite Things
If I had a bit more time today I'd probably spend it outside, getting close to nature. Filmwise, I'm really into animation. I'd love to claim it's an appreciation of the complexities of CGI, but they're just great for a feel-good giggle. My idea of happiness is getting a cuddle from a special someone - perfect any day.

I love getting close to nature under my own steam, so on holiday there's no exception. For me, a hiking trip is the ultimate in relaxation.

Weekend.. My ideal Saturday night would have to include playing on my computer , ten-pin bowling and checking out a little late night market. My perfect Sunday afternoon would be all about cycling in the countryside, spending time with my best mates and pottering about town (easy does it!).


I'm looking for anyone who is easy going, chilled and itelligent, but who don't take themselves too seriously and have a love for life! Who also enjoy going out and someone i can have a laugh with and who are a honest genuine person.

This has been an interesting thread, Chav. Reading about your experiences kinda reminds me of what a man once told me about his online dating strategy. He said he never messaged women ... he always waited for them to message him. According to him, while he didn't find his "soulmate" that way, and the number of intial contacts was a lot less, nonetheless he actually got more dates that way and most importantly he didn't experience nearly as much frustration. It made sense to me.

And also, just to toss this out ... speaking as someone who has waded through lots of male profiles, I got so I could tell the ones who seemed like they were specifically tailored to try and appeal to "female" sensibilities. If they mentioned anything about "long walks on the beach", I immediately stopped reading ... lol. The ones that appealed the most to me were different somehow ... maybe even a little quirky ... but at the same time made me feel that this was a man who truly liked and respected women. Or I guess I should say ... truly liked and respected people.

I believe in this approach. It takes a lot of legwork from using online dating.
Those woman are more likely to stick around then if you text them.

You just register to a free site, list your profile and then go about your business
and forget the site, and out of the blue someone email or texts. Set up email to blackberry, iphone, or Android phone to receive email like sms.

It is ok to have long and specific profile and it doesn’t matter if it brakes the protocol if they don’t like it they can jog on.

Due to monetary issues I had to listen to several people tell me that I had it easier dating for several years(did some changes to make sure this stopped and I no longer had any sign of superiority) and this has made me aware that while some people may be trying to help you out when they say you have it easier(ie trying to encourage you to give online dating another shot),it isnt nice to hear that you are a failure because youve been unable to find someone even having it easier.

Also sometime ago I started reading some blogs about females on their 30s having trouble with dating out of self pity and it has given me some insight on internet dating(I chose it as an example in case I needed to elaborate further on to prove my point)

I´m sorry to hear that online dating was your only option to meet people. Im trying to get out more oftenly and to improve my social circle(mostly males and the only females are partners of this males) but its not an easy thing to do and it gets harder as time goes by.


Most of us have difficulties when it comes to relationships of any kind with others and dating seems to be a struggle for a lot of aspies since imo its the most complex relationship and the most demanding one. I think that your first post explained your dating situation quite well with the amount of dates and your explanation for why it didnt work and I dont think anyone here got the impression that you succeded at dating.