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18 Aug 2011, 1:25 pm

hyperlexian wrote:

nick007 wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

nick007, wouldn't that technically just make you voluntarily celibate, as opposed to asexual? i don't know the terminology too well, but i used to have celibate friends. if i recall correctly they used to call themselves celibate as they chose not to have sex, which seems different from not having sexual desire. i'm not sure though.

Celibate means they desire sex but chose not to. I'm not celibate because my desire to have sex or not is dependent on my partner's desire. I have not had a desire to have sex in like 8 years.

i thought you used to masturbate and now you take a medicine to reduce your desire. it seems like that would have qualified as sexual desire, unless i am mixing up the definitions. am i mistaking you for someone else?

Your not mistaken. I weaned myself off that med a while back BTW. Lack of sexual desire means I don't feel a desire to have sex which is different than having a sex drive & feeling a need to deal with it myself.

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hyperlexian
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18 Aug 2011, 1:38 pm

nick007 wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

nick007 wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

Celibate means they desire sex but chose not to. I'm not celibate because my desire to have sex or not is dependent on my partner's desire. I have not had a desire to have sex in like 8 years.

oh, ok. i didn't know there was a distinction there. thanks for the clarification.

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nick007
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18 Aug 2011, 1:49 pm

hyperlexian wrote:

nick007 wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

nick007 wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

Celibate means they desire sex but chose not to. I'm not celibate because my desire to have sex or not is dependent on my partner's desire. I have not had a desire to have sex in like 8 years.

oh, ok. i didn't know there was a distinction there. thanks for the clarification.

Your Welcome

This stuff can be very confusing & some are using words & terms differently

ValentineWiggin
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18 Aug 2011, 4:13 pm

nick007 wrote:

I think part of the issue here is that some Aspies like you are very literal & technical with words & you can NOT handle that the mainstream use is different than your use.

It's frustrating for all minority groups when the labels involved in their community are butchered by the mainstream.
It has nothing to do with being "overly-technical", and everything to do with you mis-applying words to something there ARE no special words for, and erasing many individuals in the process.

nick007 wrote:

The rezone I am no longer going to asexual sites is because I started to feel unaccepted by the asexual community for talking about how I would be willing to have sex if my partner did.

That's not been my experience- the majority of people I've known in the ace community have sex at least on occasion because they're with sexual partners.

nick007 wrote:

Lots of asexuals had NO desire to have sax at all

That's to be expected. And also irrelevant to what "asexual" refers to.

nick007 wrote:

& they saw me as a poser/fake/fraud even thou I don't experience sexual attraction; I'm attracted to women based on personality & I don't have sexual thoughts or fantasies about em so I think I would meet the definition of lack of sexual attraction.

From what you just described, it would, indeed.
Experiencing sexual attraction and yet being undesirous of sex or only in specific situations would NOT mean that.

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Last edited by ValentineWiggin on 18 Aug 2011, 4:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

ValentineWiggin
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18 Aug 2011, 4:18 pm

Since you've yet to propose a new label to refer to those who lack sexual attraction if you're going to insist on misapplying the label used to refer to them, I'm assuming you're either stumped as to how to come up with one that makes more etymological sense than "asexual", or you flat-out don't care what effect it has on non-majoritive people searching for approriate identities often as a gateway to support communities.

nick007
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18 Aug 2011, 4:34 pm

ValentineWiggin wrote:

nick007 wrote:

I think part of the issue here is that some Aspies like you are very literal & technical with words & you can NOT handle that the mainstream use is different than your use.

You are failing to grasp the the meaning of the word is changing & you are refusing to accept that most people use it differently than how you do.

ValentineWiggin wrote:

nick007 wrote:

The rezone I am no longer going to asexual sites is because I started to feel unaccepted by the asexual community for talking about how I would be willing to have sex if my partner did.

That's not been my experience- the majority of people I've known in the ace community have sex at least on occasion because they're with sexual partners.

Yes a lot of em do have sex when they are with sexual partners but they don't like sex & they would prefer to never have it. I was unaccepted because i mentioned how I might would of liked it if my potential partner did.

ValentineWiggin wrote:

nick007 wrote:

Lots of asexuals had NO desire to have sax at all

That's to be expected. And also irrelevant to what "asexual" refers to.

That is what the majority of people who use the word asexual mean so you are very WRONG.

ValentineWiggin wrote:

I think the new term should be coined by the people who would be using it to describe them. It is NOT my place to come up with this. It yours & the others who would want a term for people who do not experience sexual attraction

Megz
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18 Aug 2011, 9:00 pm

Gah, I thought we had this sorted out. Sorry people, I tried. I think we reasoned around in a big loop and ended up back where we started. For the record I agree with ValentineWiggin.

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20 Aug 2011, 4:42 pm

I haven't really noticed that, but I have noticed a lot of double standards in general between the sexes.

CrinklyCrustacean
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22 Aug 2011, 3:26 am

nick007 wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

Celibate means they desire sex but chose not to. I'm not celibate because my desire to have sex or not is dependent on my partner's desire. I have not had a desire to have sex in like 8 years.

Perhaps a closer term would be "Conditional libido"?

nick007
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22 Aug 2011, 4:07 am

CrinklyCrustacean wrote:

nick007 wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

Celibate means they desire sex but chose not to. I'm not celibate because my desire to have sex or not is dependent on my partner's desire. I have not had a desire to have sex in like 8 years.

Perhaps a closer term would be "Conditional libido"?

My sex drive is independent of my partner's but I can deal with it on my own

CrinklyCrustacean
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22 Aug 2011, 5:38 am

nick007 wrote:

CrinklyCrustacean wrote:

nick007 wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

Celibate means they desire sex but chose not to. I'm not celibate because my desire to have sex or not is dependent on my partner's desire. I have not had a desire to have sex in like 8 years.

Perhaps a closer term would be "Conditional libido"?

My sex drive is independent of my partner's but I can deal with it on my own

I'm confused. You said "...my desire to have sex or not is dependent on my partner's desire." Therefore, the level of your libido is dependent on the level of hers, correct? If so, that makes your libido conditional.

nick007
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22 Aug 2011, 10:52 am

CrinklyCrustacean wrote:

nick007 wrote:

CrinklyCrustacean wrote:

nick007 wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

Celibate means they desire sex but chose not to. I'm not celibate because my desire to have sex or not is dependent on my partner's desire. I have not had a desire to have sex in like 8 years.

Perhaps a closer term would be "Conditional libido"?

My sex drive is independent of my partner's but I can deal with it on my own

No. My sex drive is independant but my desire to actually have sex is dependant on my partner's. I deal with the drive in other ways than by having sex but but I don't desire to have sex unless my partner does

hans66
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22 Aug 2011, 11:00 am

swbluto wrote:

Every time a female states something along the lines of "Woah is me, I can't find a boyfriend cuz I'm socially awkward" or whatever reason, there are multiple offers from guys but whenever a guy says the same thing, the girls just say "Cheer up", "You need a better attitude", etc. Does anyone else find this funny? :lol:

Is the "inequality" between the sexes in the dating arena any more obvious? I mean, yes, I know girls like to think they have the exact same problems as guys, so guys are just belly aching, but there really seems to be a difference here. Note, I'm not belly aching myself as I haven't exactly had problems with the ladies, I just thought it's funny how naive some people are in their seeming egalitarian beliefs.

Men and women are not equal. They are just different. No, I am not being sexistic, because I wish they were equal. Autistic men and autistic women can have things in common, and they possibly can help eachother, but if you refer to the dating scene or finding a boy- or girlfriend, men and women are different.

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