Do you miss someone right now?

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My friends from highschool. I've moved away since then and the relationships are slowly dying.

I miss the way my friend looked at me last week. I had a meltdown last night and he's never seen that before. Now I know when he looks at me, he sees me different and I don't think it's in a good way.

Try to explain. It won't be easy but he might be able to understand.

At least it will give him some insight, that's a start. The way I see it, it has 3 steps: tolerence, understanding, acceptance. We all need acceptance.

Yeah, Mikka, you have to explain it to some extent. NT people don't do what we do. They yell at complete strangers in traffic, or drink themselves insensible, or abuse animals or whatever dreadful behavior... Start by telling him something about how you get overwhelmed by too much interaction with people, or whatever caused your meltdown.

There are two updates to the change in the friendship -

1) I found out he was diagnosed with AS two years ago - so thumbs up that he knows what it's like to feel a meltdown and why they happen

2) He's not upset or confused by why I had the meltdown, but I feel weird around him because I did let him see it. Sigh... the problem is with me being too sensitive, once again.

I miss my boyfriend.

Honestly? No. I'm rather glad that I got out the four or five past relationships I was in. I felt like I was being used and manipulated by these women who obviously had sex on the brain or were bigger emotional messes than I was. When your last relationship ends because your ex dumps you for a 15-year old girl, it can leave you bitter and thinking. Hard. Since then, my trust in others, especially in the opposite sex, has been severely hindered, though it's getting better now. I've committed myself to marrying ONLY virgins, like myself, with no compromise on that. No ifs, ands, or buts.

Those women that were in my life have made my life a living Hell I'm still trying to get out of two years later. I sure as Hell don't miss them after the way they screwed with me. I've had to become more morally strict because of them, which is both a blessing and a cure in and of itself. A blessing because I'm saving myself from a life of further anguish that would eventually be the death of me. A curse because I believe virgins are a rare thing in this day in age, and I feel like my chances for meeting one, considering that I have Asperger's, are pretty much nil.

Like I said, I'm getting better, and getting over the bitterness and hate I have over this. However, I don't miss them one bit, and it's left my outlook on relationships grim and bleak.

I miss the girl I terrified with my lack of control.

I hurt her.

I will miss her for a while yet.

At least now I'm alone again and can work on sound. Possibly.

*sigh* yes. I had this really great friend...he has AS...he was always one of my favorite people to talk to. we hung out in person..that was cool, too. sometimes he would get very...bitter? and not want to talk to anyone. that was fine with me. but then he started having outbursts of anger at me, which I tried to deal with...but then he went off on me one day saying so many hateful things about me..cruel and hateful. I haven't talked to him since. I miss him, though.

From the opinion of an AS male..

Its very hard to explain, but its definately a self-defense mechanism, in my experience it felt like I'd been repressing my passion and hate so long it overwhelmed me, and I said horrible things and did cruel things before the hatred and anger dissipated.

The reason he did it, is most likely that he was sick of hurting you, sick of bursting into anger, sick of holding himself down because of a possible obsession with you or something he's denying, this means he was trying to scare you off for good..

I've done it myself 3-4 times, in the moment my emotions were entirely switched on, so someone simply misunderstood me and I went off at them, to make sure they wouldn't hang around, I was so afraid of hurting them, that in the end I hurt them.

I know its illogical, but the on-off nature of emotions in many (all?) aspies tends to lead this way if they're not honest with themselves, its quite possible he was going through a serious point in his life where he needed to work out what he wants to do, and friendship itself was so difficult, confusing, and stressful to maintain, he simply had to cut it off to save himself.

I'm sorry for the pain, none of what I've said excuses hurting others, its simply an attempt at explaining the why, because through what I've learnt, I realised my own personal path, and I realised I will never lose it, abuse, or hurt others again.

Maybe you could message him or contact him, just to let him know you exist, you might find he actually knows he hurt you, and feels terrible about it..