NT-ish woman, totally taken with Aspie guy...

Post Reply New Topic

If you want to explore my problems, I've left a trail of posts that outline them nicely. Here's one about my fear of f*****g up the life of a girl I like a lot and who likes me back: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt174980.html Unpack my problems to your heart's content in a thread that's actually about my problems.



You exist because many, many people do something wreckless: they f**k. All life is wreckless. (That's sort of a FTFY for the Buddha.)

You're single, he's single and you want to go explore his life. It's time to be wreckless.

When did I say I wanted to unpack your problems? I asked to unpack a STATEMENT that you made IN THIS THREAD. You're smarter than this.

I couldn't read all the posts but I got the just of it.
Aspie men have a need to be at a certain level of financial security to feel comfortable engaging in a relationship. It doesn't have to do with the financial status of the female at all or 99.9%. I used that excuse for too many years. Now days I approach women and if they like me than so be it or not. If he spouted off a one sided dialogue to you, that may be a major sign that he is interested in you to some degree. It sounds like if you want to get to know him you'll have to make the first steps. Tell him you would like to be his friend. Now as a friend you'll have to expect him notto be totally charming and he may say things that'll turn you off romantically, but that's part of getting to know a person. If at some point you think you want to turn your friendship romantic, think about it even more. Than be blunt about your intentions. He may need more understanding than NT males.

Yes, I am smarter than this. And this ain't about me. You really should read my thread. I'm on your side more than you think.

You want someone to tell you there's a magic bullet that takes away all your fears. There isn't. This is simple. Your entire problem boils down to fear. And worse, you're stuck liking an aspie guy who is never gonna bail you out of that fear by coming over and playing Joe Cool. It drives you to frustration because this isn't how the game is supposed to be played.

Unfortunately, you apparently really, really like this guy. You like him enough that a part of your brain knows you need to over-ride all the BS and do something. Look at the upside, because he is an aspie, he's not gonna hold any of this against you no matter how badly it blows up. If you say hi to him, you're not gonna make his day. You're gonna make his decade!

I've read your thread. Have you read mine? At no point did I conclude that this was impossible, or ask for anyone to tell me it might be easy. I concluded that I'd prefer to take my time with it. And now, I believe I've reached my "Shut up, I've got this" level.

Somehow, when you pull this kind of s**t, it's delightful. I mean that.

The main idea behind wp is to make every user feel comfortable when posting.

Please try to behave properly around each other.

On an unrelated note as he pointed out he is very unlikely to take the first step, having said that you need to be confident when you take the first step and if you think that now is not an appropriate time then all you can do is wait for a better time/try to sort out the problems you are facing atm

Thanks, Spongy. And so I'm clear and understood, that wasn't sarcasm. MrEguy's barbs fill me with girlish glee.

FTR, nothing I've said was intended as a barb. The fact that you read it as a barb is a shining example of what drives aspies nuts about NTs. You're reading intentions into what I said.

There's a good early "talking to aspies" skill -- don't read intentions into what we say. If we said it, we meant in the most direct way you can imagine. There's not much subtext to be read anywhere on this forum.

I'm not needling you. I'm asking you to stay on topic. In my experience, as an aspie who has worked hard to function in a NT world, I've learned that it's difficult to keep NTs on topic. Especially once they've become emotional and especially when they've become avoidant.

Take a few seconds to step back. Consider this whole context. The reason I asked you to read what I wrote is because context matters.

Aspies tend to feel like we're speaking in a tense no other human language has. This entire exchange makes me feel like I'm part of some remote Indian tribe whose number system goes "one, two, many" and who only have a concept of the present and a limited past. You and I are so radically far off in understanding this exchange that it breeds nothing but frustration.

I just want you to understand that none of what I posted was intended as a barb.

You may not have intended it as a barb but it seemed to me that you were both getting heavily involved in this discussion and I wanted to remind you of wp´s main idea instead of having to send both of you a pm for name calling each other or something.

Also I find it funny that you are asking her to stay on topic while you just made a semantic description of a post when she had said that it wasnt relatable to this situation and Im pretty sure that OP knows the topic of this situation better than you(you also included a remark directed towards nts that was clearly on topic as well).

Then explain what I misinterpreted about "you're right, I am smarter than this."

alright, based on my experience with you so far I can honestly accept that you're not deliberately being a **** so don't assume that I was assuming intent. You have an incredibly aggressive communication style, and you're obviously keenly in tune with how you make people feel. Perhaps you aren't intending your speaking/writing style to sting, but it does, and you know that it does, and you don't care. You've said so in the past. A barb is a barb, no matter what the intention.



Really? Because the way it looks to me, you derailed the entire conversation with a whole lot of assumptions about me. I've not once indicated that I was going to bail on this guy. I am, however, going to proceed with caution. I read your advice. I considered it. I disagree with it. I read your thread. I understand that you directed me to it to show that you have a similar concern. But you didn't resolve that concern.... Or have you? If you've decided to throw caution to the wind, that's your choice. It's not mine. Simple as that.

@fullofstars: Can I be blunt here and still be heard?

I've watched women give me the good orbit and make their level best effort to grant me the opportunity to hit on them. And that is what you are doing with this fella. You're orbiting the guy praying he takes the hint, picks up the slack and begins to perform the male portion of the dance. It's like some weird sorta bee dance communication, only one of the bees isn't registering any of it.

I think you're gonna bail because I've been there. The girl always bails if the guy doesn't do his part of the dance.

As for barbs . . . I've provided my explanation. I don't know what I'm supposed to say that will explain it better. But, since you cite a specific example, I will defend that specific choice of words by reminding you that turnabout isn't just fair play, it's clever conversation and also pretty much the algorithm for fake Oscar Wilde quotes.

That said, I've hit my aspie exhaustion limit with this. Feel free to carry on without me. (And, no, that's not passive aggression. But, I'm sure you'll read it as such. And that, mah dear, was a barb.)

How do you suggest the OP takes the plunge with this guy? What do you think would be the best way to do it ; email ,over the phone ,face to face? What do you think she should say to him ?