Red Flags on a man

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I live in California too. The main difference being that I'm a man.

^ I am sorry to read you are going through all that, Tea .

^ Me too, actually.

I'm in Orange County, and my divorce was back in the late 1980s. She got the kids, the house (instead of alimony), the car, and all of my savings. Her boyfriend moved in, they got married a few months later, sold the house, and moved about 50 miles away.

I got to sleep in my office, got caught, lost my job, lived on the streets, and later joined the military. By the time I was able to reconnect with my kids, their mom and her husband had succeeded in 'demonizing' me to the point where I had to show my kids all of the paperwork and child-support receipts to convince them that I had not abandoned them, and that I had kept up with the payments in spite of what their mom told them.

I feel another bitter rant coming on, so I'll stop here.

@Tea: I hope things work out for you. Really. Best wishes.

It's actually really funny for me looking through these kinds of threads, I've fit so many of the red flag or dealbreaker criteria at one time or another while actively dating and seemed to do just fine. I remember when I used to share this tiny house with 2 roommates, both of whom were small time criminals and not shy about it, that led to some "interesting" dates over the years. Probably the "best" story from that era was the time I went out for food and came back to find my then girlfriend sitting on the couch helping my roommate weigh out cocaine from a fake shaving cream can into eightballs to sell at the bar... You'd think that kind of thing would have sent most women running, but I think the bad boy appeal thing was stronger in that case. Getting a date was actually way harder when I moved from Seattle to the suburbs than it had ever been with the gangster roommates, it turns out that geographical issues actually seem to outweigh even blatant criminality when it comes to romance.

I was in a relationship with my last ex and he was going through some drama and battling with his depression. His ex was giving him crap and making his life hard. She tried alienating him from his boy and lying about him to the judge by saying he abused her and raped her daughter so my ex did a lie detector test to prove himself innocent. She even moved down to California to "make it harder for him" so he would borrow money or use his money to go broke to drive down there to get his son when he have visitation rights which be one week in February, Christmas break, Thanksgiving break and summer. Then he had to bring him back down there when he had to bring him home. He even borrowed thousands of dollars from his grand parents to afford an attorney. According to him, most men would have given up but he didn't.

I will also make this a red flag for men. I don't want to go through this ever again. It probably would have effected me eventually if I stayed with him.


I do not understand parent alienation. It makes sense if the partner was abusive because why would you want to put your kids in danger but to do that to your ex when they did nothing wrong? My ex never abused his son but yet my parents have doubts about all this but I believe him.

1) He's into whatever you're into to the point that it seems spray-on and arbitrary.

2) Talks to you about ex's constantly.

3) Acts like he's eight years old in the sense of constantly checking other women out around you, citing that he can't help it - she had bigger t's.

4) Lives at home under the condition that he - a) shows no interest in work, his parents support him b) works at Taco Bell and blows his paychecks on pot, or c) plays video games all day long and seems perfectly content doing so indefinitely.

5) Seems like he can't reciprocate emotionally - not a red flag to his character but you can't draw water out of a rock.

6) He can tell your into him and you see signs that he's playing it to his benefit at your expense.

7) Too into himself to even ask questions - regardless of whether he means to be this way he's clearly not ready for a relationship.

8 ) Constantly tells you to relax and obstructs you when there's an issue that you're trying to work out.

9) Passive-aggressive "I see how it is" on the drop of a hat, almost seems to seek it.

10) Projects a noticeable amout of outsider misanthropy on attractive women.

11) Has a computer with an I7 processor, 16GB of RAM, that still won't work right because its choking to death or constantly overheating under the registry weight of his Hentai collection.

12) Walks around like he's God's gift to the world - not in a self-assured way but in a "I'm so wonderful that I can do no wrong", it can in an immediate sense look like quiet confidence until you talk to them and notice an oftern condescending or aristocratic tone beneath it.

13) He has all kinds of negative things to say about exes and nearly nothing positive (same vice a verse)

14) He has no guy friends or even acquaintences (it may be that they all just moved recently but if you see clingy/needy or unusual cold - get out).

15) If he has guy friends he'd shoo you off constantly to go out to the bar.

16) He gets jealous of your interests or routines your into, has a problem with self-development.

17) Has a well in his basement and likes to hoist you to the bottom while saying things like "It puts the dress on and does what its told!".