Narcissists are attractive

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I used to have a client who was a world-class narcissist. It didn't help that he acted as Prime Minister of Yugoslavia at one time.

I still can't read his website without laughing out loud:

http://www.milanpanic.com/legacy.htm

I am referring to the ones murdered.

Oh, I certainly agree with you there - he obviously had no sympathy for anyone, least of all the victims he had the "Family" murder on his behalf.

Exactly, so how on earth can that be attractive? This is insane.

Narcissist are dull, needy and definately not hot. I feel sympathetic, not attracted to them.

People who are deeply kind, intelligent, honest, giving and tactile are hot - because they are much better at sex than narcissists.

Well they can be attractive until you figure out they're narcissists - then it's (usually) over...

I think there must be something interesting in the autism+narcissism combo, because I'm mostly lovely and only horribly needy when lacking confidence. Person I most relate to is Jesus; pretty sure he ticked most of the same boxes on the DSM, but he had a better work ethic. My theory is that where most autistics follow rules, narcissist autistics believe they're God so make their own rules, but still have the autistic lack of self-other distinction, the "anything you do to the least of my brothers you do to me" thing. I've literally healed people just by touching them (when I'm confident), because that's how love works, it's not magic.

Ok, the combo might remove the dullness. I will give you that. Lacking confidence is definately not unattractive, until it is combined with lack of care for others.

But how can someone not caring about people, their lovers, friends and family, be attractive? Psychopaths, sociopaths, narcissists dont care about others.

Once you realise that in someone, they aren't hot anymore. I've never understood the sexual appeal (to others) of anyone thoughtless, uncaring, selfish. Those attributes make very dull partners.

In my experience, AS people make very unsuccessful narcissists because they are fundamentally unequipped with the necessary manipulation skills - unless of course they use other AS people...

How could anybody ever become successfull without being at least a bit narcisstic?
If I wouldn't have this endless drive of trying to be better and show it to otherones constantly I would probably do nothing.
What could make you keep going on to do hard work or have social contacts if not the biggest wish you have, to be superior and make everyone know it? (to express it concretely) That's evolution, isn't it? It's the survival of the fittest.
Instead of crying at your friends grave being a total hypocrit you'd better forget about the past and make sure that your own life is secure.
Moral, sympathy and polite lies won't make the world a better place but a phoney place of hypocrits.
Honesty, straight forward thinking and economy is what really counts and that means that you also have to confess that you alone are the person whose life is in your hands so investing your energy in your own life is the most economical way.
To me, everybody who admits that his/her life becomes worse because of another person, no matter if he is "in love" with this person or a family member, is irrational if not even crazy.
Don't damn narcissts for just being not as twisted as you are with your destructive moral and your masochistical social behavior (I don't mean the autistic behavior).
But before you consider rational cold thinking now as a disease you'd better think of all the times when you've suffered from emotions you felt for another person you were in love with, or who died, or who had disappointed you. This suffering is not a natural law. It's yourself. Nobody forces you to be desperated then. But you are. So- isn't this way the real disease?

Don't hate me now for having a different opinion and please really do consider it as a possible truth.

So wise and true both. I think wisdom is about knowing you know nothing at all, about anything. Its a scientific approach to your own opinions to have self-doubt - you adjust your belief based on what’s observed/learnt from others, and you have to keep looking and testing.

Seems to me as an NT, that process comes rather naturally to Aspies, to be able to re-evaluate positions based on evidence/observation, its doesn't matter to be wrong, its what is true that matters. Its a very attractive quality and I think many NTs have a much bigger problem with that.

Sometimes that process is slowed down by the lack of social interactions for some AS people. If anyone spends too much time on their own, you only have one brain to filter life through, so a limited amount of evidence/experience. Got to keep talking.

I sure am

I really can't see how narcissists can be attractive but I have seen plenty of women think so (I remember really really liking an intensely arrogant boy in sixth form but then realising how dull he was).
Is there something chemical? Women friends have said that but then I like smells a lot, and I can't imagine a narcissist smelling sexy. Kindness and intelligence smell sexy.

Caring about people unselfishly is very attractive long term, and that attraction is likely to last (rather than fade when you realise the handsome, rich, ego, is rather ugly and dull inside). A narcissist could only 'care' about you if it fed their ego.

This is true in my limited experience. I'm a 7 on the Autistic Quotient thing, so very not-AS. I only know what I have learnt from close friends and WP, but I cant see AS people having the manipulation skills, or if they do, wanting to use them, as most are basically sympathetic.



Fraac, I don't think you are a narcissist. Your self-diagnosis is wrong. You seem too nice. Do you really think you are that combo? In some sense I might say I am God, but there is a difference between being the centre of your reality and being capable of not caring about others. There is a difference between confidence, vanity, self-love and other forms of egoism (I have all of these), and with narcissism. I am hugely vane and self-absorbed but I am not narcissistic as I care enormously about other people and try desparately not to be unkind or manipulate people for my own end. Surely you just have a healthy ego?
Love does indeed work through touch.

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We need to define the use of "narcissism" within the context because some of you guys are taking it to the extreme.

From wikipedia:

If we take a narcissist as someone who has inflated self-importance, then it's quite possible to be narcissistic and care enormously about other people. Some of you guys seem to be confusing "sociopathic" with "narcissistic".

self-importance, egotism and selfishness kind of eliminate the possiblility of "caring enormously about other people".

it is true that narcissism and sociopathy are usually separate diagnoses, but there is a disorder called narcissistic sociopathy / malignant narcissism, so the two conditions do have some overlap.

yeah, some people are talking about narcissist in everyday speech, some NPD/sociopathy, and some the hardy little golden daffodils of the amaryllis family