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Who else is unsure if they want kids?

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Wrackspurt
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20 Nov 2011, 10:12 am

HotRetroHoney wrote:
I know how the OP feels, a lot of times people out there make you feel like a freak when you don't have nor want kids esp. if you're a female. it's just very uncommon, I met a lady yesterday who adopted 3 kids b/c she couldn't have her own. She didn't understand why a healthy woman like me doesn't "naturally" want kids. Most men, IMO, want kids too. So b/c of that societal stigma I was wishy washy on wanting kids but now when I take out other people's opinions....I really don't want them. I don't think raising kids is for me; I am just too shy and not outgoing enough. At my age (almost 32) it's hard to imagine getting into a long lasting relationship (when I've never had one anyways) and having kids too, it just doesn't seem plausible at this point. So even if I did want kids, I likely missed the boat anyways.


You're worried about having 'missed the boat' at age 31?? My mother didn't have me until age 44 and my sis is four years older than me.



b9
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20 Nov 2011, 11:10 am

Wrackspurt wrote:
b9 wrote:
children running around would be a damned nuisance.


That is what duct tape is for. :wink:

too much trouble.

one would always have to cast a peripheral eye over the bloody things to make sure they did not wander into stupid activities.

i think that chore can be left for others who cherish it to perform.



Wrackspurt
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20 Nov 2011, 11:14 am

b9 wrote:
i think that chore can be left for others who cherish it to perform.


That's a nice way to put it, I agree.



HotRetroHoney
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20 Nov 2011, 11:24 am

Wrackspurt wrote:
HotRetroHoney wrote:
I know how the OP feels, a lot of times people out there make you feel like a freak when you don't have nor want kids esp. if you're a female. it's just very uncommon, I met a lady yesterday who adopted 3 kids b/c she couldn't have her own. She didn't understand why a healthy woman like me doesn't "naturally" want kids. Most men, IMO, want kids too. So b/c of that societal stigma I was wishy washy on wanting kids but now when I take out other people's opinions....I really don't want them. I don't think raising kids is for me; I am just too shy and not outgoing enough. At my age (almost 32) it's hard to imagine getting into a long lasting relationship (when I've never had one anyways) and having kids too, it just doesn't seem plausible at this point. So even if I did want kids, I likely missed the boat anyways.


You're worried about having 'missed the boat' at age 31?? My mother didn't have me until age 44 and my sis is four years older than me.


well that's obviously uncommon for most women to get pregnant at those ages (not that there's anything wrong with it). To each his own; just don't see it as a possibility for myself -- getting into a long term relationship that would lead to marriage and getting pregnant, giving birth, raising kids. Yea. With some of my mental health issues and such it's too short of a window of time IMO to make those things happen unless that's what your actively trying to do (which I'm not). But like I said, that's just me, to each his own....



Wrackspurt
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20 Nov 2011, 1:38 pm

HotRetroHoney wrote:
Wrackspurt wrote:
HotRetroHoney wrote:
I know how the OP feels, a lot of times people out there make you feel like a freak when you don't have nor want kids esp. if you're a female. it's just very uncommon, I met a lady yesterday who adopted 3 kids b/c she couldn't have her own. She didn't understand why a healthy woman like me doesn't "naturally" want kids. Most men, IMO, want kids too. So b/c of that societal stigma I was wishy washy on wanting kids but now when I take out other people's opinions....I really don't want them. I don't think raising kids is for me; I am just too shy and not outgoing enough. At my age (almost 32) it's hard to imagine getting into a long lasting relationship (when I've never had one anyways) and having kids too, it just doesn't seem plausible at this point. So even if I did want kids, I likely missed the boat anyways.


You're worried about having 'missed the boat' at age 31?? My mother didn't have me until age 44 and my sis is four years older than me.


well that's obviously uncommon for most women to get pregnant at those ages (not that there's anything wrong with it). To each his own; just don't see it as a possibility for myself -- getting into a long term relationship that would lead to marriage and getting pregnant, giving birth, raising kids. Yea. With some of my mental health issues and such it's too short of a window of time IMO to make those things happen unless that's what your actively trying to do (which I'm not). But like I said, that's just me, to each his own....


I wasn't giving you flak, merely meaning you are still very young and a lot can happen yet.
It's not nearly as uncommon as you might think giving birth in your early to mid forties, from the number I've come across anyway.



HotRetroHoney
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20 Nov 2011, 4:12 pm

Wrackspurt wrote:
HotRetroHoney wrote:
Wrackspurt wrote:
HotRetroHoney wrote:
I know how the OP feels, a lot of times people out there make you feel like a freak when you don't have nor want kids esp. if you're a female. it's just very uncommon, I met a lady yesterday who adopted 3 kids b/c she couldn't have her own. She didn't understand why a healthy woman like me doesn't "naturally" want kids. Most men, IMO, want kids too. So b/c of that societal stigma I was wishy washy on wanting kids but now when I take out other people's opinions....I really don't want them. I don't think raising kids is for me; I am just too shy and not outgoing enough. At my age (almost 32) it's hard to imagine getting into a long lasting relationship (when I've never had one anyways) and having kids too, it just doesn't seem plausible at this point. So even if I did want kids, I likely missed the boat anyways.


You're worried about having 'missed the boat' at age 31?? My mother didn't have me until age 44 and my sis is four years older than me.


well that's obviously uncommon for most women to get pregnant at those ages (not that there's anything wrong with it). To each his own; just don't see it as a possibility for myself -- getting into a long term relationship that would lead to marriage and getting pregnant, giving birth, raising kids. Yea. With some of my mental health issues and such it's too short of a window of time IMO to make those things happen unless that's what your actively trying to do (which I'm not). But like I said, that's just me, to each his own....


I wasn't giving you flak, merely meaning you are still very young and a lot can happen yet.
It's not nearly as uncommon as you might think giving birth in your early to mid forties, from the number I've come across anyway.


i wasnt giving you flak either and i understand what you're saying. wasn't trying to offend you but instead say I wouldn't want to be pregnant in my 40s but that is just me, again, nothing wrong with it. frankly as i said before i'm pretty sure i don't want to be pregnant at all. my main point though was some people have too many 'issues/problems' to work out to ever get in the type of relationship that leads to marriage and children. hope that makes more sense.



Esteban
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23 Nov 2011, 4:10 am

sogj wrote:
If it turns out I am an aspie, I don't think I'll have any more kids biologically, we'll adopt. I wouldn't want to risk passing lower functioning autism down the line. My kids are 2 and 3 and I've been watching them for signs of mental illness since they were born since it runs in my family. They definitely don't have anything, so that makes me feel good. :)


I'd be worried about that as well. Not just full-blown LFA, but for example bad social skills generally. That has made my life miserable enough. It's academic for me as I doubt I'll ever not be single and my chances of ever adopting are about as low.

SoftlyStepping wrote:
Esteban wrote:
there's no guarantee I won't make equally bad or worse mistakes just by avoiding their mistakes.


Truth. It's a common pattern to over-correct.


That's part of it, but also mistakes that wouldn't even be on my radar because my parents didn't make them.