Bring back arranged marriages?

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Sweetleaf
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30 Nov 2011, 4:18 am

Janissy wrote:
Dark_Lord_2008 wrote:
idlewild wrote:
Dark_Lord_2008 wrote:
I have the emotional maturity of a 12 year old boy.


Then logically, you don't have the maturity to entertain the idea of marriage. Arranged or not, marriage requires maturity.


i never thought of that. i have the emotional age of 12 and i have a low IQ.


Then you are not ready to be a husband. Husbands, regardless of their IQ, need to have an adult perspective.


well how does one define an adult prespective?


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Janissy
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30 Nov 2011, 6:56 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
Janissy wrote:
Dark_Lord_2008 wrote:
idlewild wrote:
Dark_Lord_2008 wrote:
I have the emotional maturity of a 12 year old boy.


Then logically, you don't have the maturity to entertain the idea of marriage. Arranged or not, marriage requires maturity.


i never thought of that. i have the emotional age of 12 and i have a low IQ.


Then you are not ready to be a husband. Husbands, regardless of their IQ, need to have an adult perspective.


well how does one define an adult prespective?


To me, an adult perspective is the ability to make the decisions that adults generally make for children. Children have decisions made for them by their parents, as Dark Lord 2008 says he would like done. Adults make their own decisions, although perhaps with parental input, as happened with poster Dhawal and his arranged marriage. Nick007 described how his own relationship is increasing his maturity and personal independence (to counter my point) but even so, he had already made the adult decision to enter the relationship. His parents didn't hand him Megz and say "she's your girlfriend now".

"Where should I live?" "What should I do?" "Who should I be with?" *are all questions that a child has answered for him but an adult must answer for himself.



*"who should I live with?" in the case of a child



shrox
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30 Nov 2011, 7:50 am

scubasteve wrote:
Great idea! Here's yours:

Image

Well it's settled then. You have no choice in the matter. Oh, but I'm sure you'll have a wonderful life together :)


She's not ugly.



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30 Nov 2011, 10:38 am

Chronos wrote:
And as far as brides from eastern Europe and Asia, they are after two things. Money and citizenship. It's unlikely that they will actually love you, or stay with you once they see the opportunity to leave...with their money and citizenship.



In some cases, this would appear to be a plausible scernario. As with anything else in life, there is always the exception to the rule (meaning some of these marriages may very well succeed).



Tequila
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30 Nov 2011, 10:46 am

hyperlexian wrote:
fact is you may be a good catch for the right person, but you are not necessarily a good catch for the person who is forced to be with you. she could hate the way you smelled, the way you touch her, the way your voice sounds, and so on, so that every moment you spend together is pure torture for her. but she'd be stuck with you so that you could have a partner. you could also hate every small thing about her, yet you would be stuck with her too.


Not to labour the point but in the UK it's mainly South Asian Muslims that do this practice, with a few Sikhs doing it as well I believe. Having said that I doubt forced marriages were uncommon in England in previous centuries and definitely happened in Ireland only a few decades back - I read a book called Sold Into Marriage by an Irishwoman who was sold to a rural farmer as a teenage girl in the 1960s.

Also, there's an enormous difference between arranged marriages and forced marriage and I cannot stress this enough. Arranged marriage sounds great if both parties consent to what is going on and the channels of communication are well open. I might even be open to the possibility myself! Forced marriage, along with "honour killings" and other general barbarism sounds like a living nightmare.



blunnet
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30 Nov 2011, 5:21 pm

Tequila wrote:
Also, there's an enormous difference between arranged marriages and forced marriage and I cannot stress this enough.

True, but I think our culture tends to equate both of them and fail to make some distinction, I may be wrong though, but usually when we discuss this issue we tend to automatically go to the "forced" direction, from our cultural position, as evidenced here.

On the other hand, I get that South Korea, for example, is a country in which arranged marriages from parents. seems to be a common practice, or at least according to wikipedia (so take this with a grain of salt, but still....), now, technically, it isn't forced, however, one could say that parents can put pressure onto their children, so they may end up with someone they don't like in the end. But, I'm not that familiar with it, and this is another culture and we are the west, and we see these issues with western eyes.



Erisad
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30 Nov 2011, 8:51 pm

Hell no. If my mother picked my mate for me I'd be miserably married to a bible thumping right-wing conservative. I wouldn't like it at all. Glad arranged marriages aren't the norm in the U.S. >.<



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30 Nov 2011, 9:11 pm

blunnet wrote:
Tequila wrote:
Also, there's an enormous difference between arranged marriages and forced marriage and I cannot stress this enough.

True, but I think our culture tends to equate both of them and fail to make some distinction, I may be wrong though, but usually when we discuss this issue we tend to automatically go to the "forced" direction, from our cultural position, as evidenced here.

On the other hand, I get that South Korea, for example, is a country in which arranged marriages from parents. seems to be a common practice, or at least according to wikipedia (so take this with a grain of salt, but still....), now, technically, it isn't forced, however, one could say that parents can put pressure onto their children, so they may end up with someone they don't like in the end. But, I'm not that familiar with it, and this is another culture and we are the west, and we see these issues with western eyes.


I'm familiar with the practice in East Asia. And yes, after a while there's a hell of a lot of pressure to get married. The line between "arranged" versus "forced" varies depending on circumstances.

An "arranged meeting" with no pressure (mostly) is like your dad and a coworker of his think their kids might be good together and give it a mention to the respective kids. If it doesn't work out, one date and they're done, no harm no foul.

East Asian-style arranged marriage is mostly the *families* deciding if the two families are compatible. A compatible bride-and-groom wasn't often a priority. This is how one of my aunts ended up with a wife-beater (who managed to get custody of the kids later (! !) ).



Icyclan
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01 Dec 2011, 10:29 pm

While we're at it, why don't we introduce honor killings along with it, and possibly some other backward, tribal customs.



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01 Dec 2011, 10:30 pm

shrox wrote:
scubasteve wrote:
Great idea! Here's yours:

Image

Well it's settled then. You have no choice in the matter. Oh, but I'm sure you'll have a wonderful life together :)


She's not ugly.


I might've disagreed with you if I hadn't been to England recently.



TeaEarlGreyHot
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01 Dec 2011, 10:49 pm

I'm okay with arranged marriages. It's forced marriages that I abhor.


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deconstruction
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01 Dec 2011, 10:54 pm

The funny thing is, my mother was actually the one who introduced me to my (then future) husband. But it wasn't arranged anything. He was volunteering in a library where she worked. So that how we met. 8)

So it's not like your parents or relatives, even when they're annoying, can't introduce you to some interesting people. I don't see that as any different than friends introducing you to someone.

But it's a difference between that and an arranged marriage. Not to mention a forced one.



MacDragard
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01 Dec 2011, 11:51 pm

I hope you like whoever you're "arranged" with, because you're stuck with her.



Chronos
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02 Dec 2011, 2:10 am

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5HLsvwLPpQ[/youtube]



richi tripathy
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05 Mar 2015, 7:10 am

Hi Friend..
Marriage is a pure love bonding between two people whether it is love or arranges marriage. Both are same but the success or failure marriage depends on you how to handle your relation with your partner. Love and understanding is the main part in our marriage life which ties two people with a lifetime relation.
http://www.bivaah.com/



darkphantomx1
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05 Mar 2015, 10:30 am

Heck ya arranged marriages! I hope i'm arranged with Taylor Swift or Ariana Grande. Please don't arrange me with Rosie O'Donnell.