Living as an adult male virgin, unable to cope

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blunnet
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05 Mar 2012, 8:52 pm

Lonermutant wrote:

Have you ever heard of internet porn?! Do as I do, stay content with that and forget dating.

It may be his age, at 25, it seems a big deal, and not so much when you get older. Heck! in my thirties I give a crap, but I did hookers to get rid of my virginity, so that seems to have helped a bit.

techstepgenr8tion
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05 Mar 2012, 9:05 pm

Even as a long term single - with a heavy sex drive - I still find porn the most boring thing to watch. The only thing that even feels vaguely on about it is the feeling of doing something taboo or the feeling like someone might find out that its what I'm doing, or that I might get a big warrior virus on my computer - the last one flips my practical side in and reminds me that it was boring me to tears anyway.

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boblol
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06 Mar 2012, 3:49 am

hyperlexian wrote:

do you have friends that you can observe while they interact with women?

#

All the friends ive ever observed with women, since my early teens, do jokey-cruel banter and affectionate teasing to make the girl laughing and having fun. And then she does it back and they back and forth joke-fight with each other. I think aspies find that kind of fun really difficult no matter how much i observe it.

techstepgenr8tion
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06 Mar 2012, 8:15 am

boblol wrote:

All the friends ive ever observed with women, since my early teens, do jokey-cruel banter and affectionate teasing to make the girl laughing and having fun. And then she does it back and they back and forth joke-fight with each other. I think aspies find that kind of fun really difficult no matter how much i observe it.

Yeah, its highly situational. I can do it if something's right there that I can rib her on and have it clear I'm not making an allegation but that's just it - if its there its there, if its not I don't see myself or most AS'ers being able to come up with things 'out of the blue'. I've noticed many NT's can say the most left-field things at odd times and get positive reactions, whereas at least for myself it's always had a super-clear result; at least 10 or 15 seconds of crickets.

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anna-banana
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06 Mar 2012, 9:17 am

Heisenberg wrote:

I used to think that "if I have to wait this long, I might as well wait for the right one". But I now realize that this is not going to happen just because I may or may not deserve it.

this is BS. nobody deserves anything, and yet s**t happens all the time. you're only beating yourself down thinking that there's some cosmic justice to what happens or does not happen to you.

oh and consider going to Thailand

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boblol
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06 Mar 2012, 9:45 am

I just google image searched "mrs heisenberg" and got this! true story! these are the wives he is destine for.

[img][800:1600]http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-jiMYKPfA62o/TilYzyAqvfI/AAAAAAABies/KkrevYzlQNQ/s1600/Kathoey.jpg[/img]

Munchy50
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09 Mar 2012, 12:07 pm

I'm 27 and I've never been able to date. Onetime my friends tried to match me up with someone but, didn't tell me till I got to the bar cause they figured I wouldn't show up. I got there and because I'm aspie I didn't pick up on any cues (not till later when I got home did I figure it out), and she thought I was totally uninterested. I tried to talk to her later about hanging out and she thought I was a jerk and blew me off.
I'm not a virgin but that wasn't the best thing for me, I didn't need sex I needed someone who I could care about, someone who care's about me.
I think the worst part is the hopelessness you feel when you can't connect emotionally and it feels that you never will.

Space
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10 Mar 2012, 4:08 pm

Heisenberg wrote:

I am a 24 year old male virgin going on 25. I have reached a point in my life where I am finally realizing that I will never have a wife, children, or any kind of family in general. I know that I am going to resent myself for wasting my youth as I get older and that this shame is only going to get worse. I have tried endlessly to make positive changes in my life to remedy this, but I cannot be intimate with a woman. My family does not understand why I am always so depressed and I have become so enraged with jealousy towards my friends that I can barely socialize with them anymore. I feel like I am in a no win situation and my life is just going to deteriorate from this point on. I have been considering pursuing a career in which I would get to travel to other countries but this shame is going to follow me wherever I go. Even if I did by some random miracle manage to be with a woman, it wouldn't change the fact that I have wasted the only youth I will ever have.

Sounds like you've accepted your situation. Just lose it to an escort and move on. Better to lose it to a high-class hooker than to live in torment for another 25 years. I think the confidence boost you gain by losing the v-card will assist you in getting a civilian girlfriend as well.

Space
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10 Mar 2012, 4:15 pm

Also, having been in a few relationships now, I can say that there is a lot of BS and pain involved, and often no pay-off (a lifelong relationship). They have all ended for me, and while I would very much like to have a wife and get married, I struggle big time with the fear of the aspie male/nt female divorce rate (google says it's >80%). While the fear and insecurity of autistic kids and and an imminent divorce is on me, when you tell a woman about AS, the likelihood of kids on the autism spectrum, etc... she will probably not be pleased (to say the least) and in the back of her head decide that you're not marriage material, and then find some unrelated reason to end things with you.

I guess all I'm saying is, just lose your virginity as quick as you can, and when you have a real girlfriend and you're madly in love with her and everything is going hunky-dory, and then she dumps you for some ret*d reason and your heart is in a million pieces, you'll come to know what I and many other guys here have learned by experience.

lightening020
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11 Mar 2012, 5:03 pm

Space wrote:

Still better than not experiencing anything. That is going to happen to everybody. It needs to happen, or else you will never grow.........I am in the same boat as him. I would rather be heartbroken, then be some lonely schmuck for the rest of my life

RazorEddie
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11 Mar 2012, 7:05 pm

After reading that I am even more glad I'm asexual and have no interest in a partner. I've still got the V card at 41 years old and couldn't care less...

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noname_ever
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11 Mar 2012, 8:02 pm

Space wrote:

Heisenberg wrote:

I second this. If it will stop the downward spiral, screw an escort and be done with it.

Tom5
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12 Mar 2012, 12:39 am

I've never had sex or had a girlfriend either and I'm not becoming any younger. The girl I want is not interested in me but unfortunately I can't stop thinking about her.

I'm pretty ugly too with a lot of visible hair on my face and many women like men with a boyish kind of face without visible hairs covering the face which they find unhygienic.

I also struggle with body and pelvic odor problems and this also turns ladies off of me much like a magnets sometimes repeal each other.

My health and hygiene is quite bad and also I do not have a job so I can understand why this lady does not see any kind of future with me.

Some people are destined to be lonely and I have accepted the fact that I will be single and lonely for the rest of my pathetic failure of a life.

ToadOfSteel
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12 Mar 2012, 2:44 am

Munchy50 wrote:

I think the worst part is the hopelessness you feel when you can't connect emotionally and it feels that you never will.

This. I have my v-card at 24 and couldn't care less... the issue is that there is no hope of ever being truly able to connect to someone (hence the Forever Alone avatar).

muslimmetalhead
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12 Mar 2012, 4:55 pm

Heisenberg wrote:

Living as a 10th grader with a paraprofessional, unable to cope

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aussiebloke
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15 Mar 2012, 7:43 pm

MXH wrote:

Subotai wrote:

simon_says wrote:

You are at just the right age, imo, to start to learn some social skills. Going abroad is probably a good idea. Travel broadens the mind and provides you with a pretext for talking to fellow expatriots on a regular basis. It's a club of sorts. I would pursue that with everything you've got.

Not to mention the fact that it's just plain easier to get sex when you are a foreigner abroad.

Not really, considering ive been a foreigner all my life everywhere i go and lets just say ive had zero luck with women.

Well I don't know though I do know theirs less bullying growing up.....

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