I think I scared away a potential date

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Because your questions are off-topic, how i am genuinely attracted to someone has nothing to do with this.

Thing is that you are assuming stuff before their first date, that they are not right for each other.

Let them meet each other first then you can tell whether they're right for each other or not!

people don't usually meet up with every single person who asks them out in online dating. that would be impractical.

you took issue with my ideas of what i considered to be initial signs of attraction between ToS and that woman. it would make sense for you to replace my ideas with something else if you think that my ideas are things to come up later on. how would he know whether a woman is a good person to date, if not through attraction?

and i will ask again - what else are you trying to accomplish with ToS since he already took your advice?

LOL wut?? You're wrong, unless the woman is insane he should meet up with every single showing interest in him (because they wouldn't be many anyways).

You talk without taking into account Toad' situation and gender, it seems.

It's probably impractical for most women on a dating site (since women usually receive tons of messages on most dating sites) or for a super-duper attractive man.

You're probably talking based on your experience. You cannot equate yourself on dating site to him, you are a woman, he is a man. Things are totally different for him. Period.

Toad is neither a woman nor a super alpha man! I bet he very rarely receive offers, he can afford to meet up with EVERY one asking him out (or accepting his offer), because hello? they are not that many, and they would be like months or maybe, as toad said, years apart...

It IS the only way for any regular guy on a dating site.

i didn't compare myself at any time to Toad. perhaps you should check out the thread about desperation in this section for some idea as to why it is never a good idea to date every single person who is vaguely interested. doesn't matter if it is Toad or another person.

you still didn't answer my question as to what you are trying to accomplish here (nor have you answered a single question i have asked). i can see that you are not planning to do so, which speaks volumes. at any rate, i've said my piece and i can't make you understand it no matter how i rephrase it.

I am not getting correct vibes about this lady and her intention.
She sounds complicated and if its so complicated now she will give you tough time ahead

What I wanted to accomplish is to stop you demotivating Toad, and put him in a negative light.

Toad had expressed many times that he's the kind of guys who use the shotgun method.

He finds her nice, tolerant and family-oriented, for him this is an enough as a start...


Hyperlexian, what you are describing here:



......is called love, hyprelexian, or at least a strong crush.

What you are asking Toad to do is to love the lady that he knew only for a very short time (3 days? a week?), this an is inhuman requirement.

Now some people end up dating their old crushes or people they secretly loved/admired for long time, that's very nice, but it's not a must-requirement for dating someone, and certainly things usually don't work like this in online dating.

Some people plan to date the person they already love or have a crush on, others who are less fortunate, have no choice but to try dating people they meet hoping to find love. By date here we are referring to the first date.






ooooo "which speaks volumes", I like this armchair psychoanalysis.

Just because I didn't feel like to answer a very complicated question (i find hard to express such feeling questions) then it must speaks "volumes"" about The Face of Boo.


"The Face of Boo must be hiding evil intentions for not answering hyperlexian's questions. What sinister things The Face of Boo is hiding? Why didn't he answer the-sacred-must-be-answered questions of hyperlexian? Why The Face of Boo? WHY?"


You know what? I was giving thoughts to your question (the how i feel when i am attracted to x) so I can articulate it well, but after seeing this I refuse now to answer any of your questions.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 07 Mar 2012, 10:09 am, edited 3 times in total.

Re: Toad of Steel, if you still want to meet this woman in person then go for it. Unless she outrightly refuses the offer and asks you to leave her alone, then you're entitled to keep pursuing, you haven't done anything wrong so far.

Just don't let her give you the run around, if she bails on you after you've arranged to meet up again, then I would suggest cutting your losses. However this is only my recommendation, remember that the final decision is yours.

I had sent a message as per boo's recommendation, saying that I really wanted to meet and that I wasn't on a dating site just to talk to people online. I haven't heard back from her since...

...in which case the ball is now very much in her court, no point sweating over it for the time being., just wait and see what happens.

I agree, don't resend anything. Just wait and see.

and even she doesn't reply back, just forget it, keep in mind that the outcome would be mostly the same if you took the long road.

You were being upfront in your message, women usually like that.

Excellent point, better to find out if she is interested or not in 5 minutes instead of chasing her for 5 weeks to face disappointment.

Toad, most girls are constantly text messaging on their phone or on social networking, if she hasn't sent a text at this point, it's safe to say it is over but at least you've learned something positive from this experience.

No relationship is ever a waste of time.
If it didn't bring you what you want, it taught you what you don't want.

by telling some of them you have AS ?