Okcupid tip- if they ignore you deliberately... ;).

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spongy
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29 Mar 2012, 11:56 am

MXH wrote:

Im quite sure that someone doing this isnt expecting the person doing the ignoring to magically start talking and fall in love.

I didnt mention that they were expecting either of those things.

I did mention that I dont see anything productive coming out of the act of approaching someone thats ignoring you(even if you are approaching them in an angry manner).

But whatever works for you.

Sweetleaf
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29 Mar 2012, 12:02 pm

MXH wrote:

Sweetleaf wrote:

Another thing I don't respond to messeges that say things like 'hey, sexy.' I usually just delete those....should I be obligated to respond to them or am I in the right in just deleting it.

I mean thing is I don't want some dude who's just about sex, and now that I've come to the conclusion I don't even like sex I probably don't want a guy interested in it period. I suppose I ought to update my profile and make that very clear......but yeah I only respond if someone has something intresting to say and I like what I see on their profile.

Those are fine to ignore completely. Its the ones that take time to read your profile, find something interesting to talk about and TRY to have a good first appearance that I believe should be given at minimum a closing response.

Alright but then I think that is only really appropriate if I give an initial response....I mean sometimes I've gotten messages from people who are 'trying' as you say but I just am not interested and I am not very good at telling people things I think might upset them so I feel better just not responding so they can move on to someone else who is interested and I don't have to be that jerk that says 'I just messaged you back to tell you I don't want to talk at all.' I mean if I messeigneurs someone and they where not int rested I'd prefer they just don't respond then go out of there way to tell me they didn't like what they saw and don't want to talk.

But yeah If I have been talking to someone and things get uncomfortable through no fault of the other person I would do my best to explain how I feel about it rather than just quit responding to them.

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smudge
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29 Mar 2012, 12:05 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

smudge wrote:

That's completely pointless. They're just being polite and are trying not to look bad. They really don't care if they ignore you in the first place. You've just made them feel a bit bad. Pointing it out doesn't mean anyone is going to want you any more.

I want to point out as well that ignoring is far more rude than explicitly rejecting, and it's what would makes you look 'bad'.

Tell me 'i am not interested' and i would leave you alone while still respecting you. Ignore me , i'll ignore you back eventually and would think of you as a stuck up person with no manners.

and i don't care if I made them feel a bit bad, they should have known that ignoring makes others feel bad too.

I disagree. I see dating sites as a big list of people that you can contact if you like. If they ignore you it could be due to all sorts of reasons. Believe it or not on aspie affection I was ignored by lots of men. I didn't take offense because they might not have logged on for ages (given up perhaps), or they might've seen my profile and decided they weren't interested. It doesn't upset me in the slightest because I didn't know who they were yet.

However, I would agree that ignoring someone is damn rude once you've already spoken and got to know them. On somewhere like WP it isn't so bad because people don't always read every post they've posted on, whereas with Facebook it's much worse because you can tell if people are ignoring you. While I'm on that subject...

I've deleted my Facebook account recently because this local guy was bothering me. So, to all who were "deleted" - sorry about that. I still like all of you, and you can still talk to me. I'm probably going to make another account and add you again soon.

smudge
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29 Mar 2012, 12:16 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Sweetleaf wrote:

Now if I do start talking to someone and stop its likely because they started making me uncomfortable or being too pushy and thus making me not want to talk to them anymore. Or maybe I don't know what to say and want to talk later when I have it more figured out.....in which case they should probably be patient rather then start harrasing me for not talking to them right when they wanted me to.

then just tell him 'i don't want to talk to you anymore' or ' don't want to talk to you till further i change my mind' or 'not now, maybe later' - adding the word sorry doesn't hurt too. I use it a lot when it's appropriate.

Make things clear, girls.

Ah, but pushy guys sometimes act like they have "a right" to something, which can be potentially dangerous. I've found they're often very rude when you give them a reason for rejection, or even more intense so much so that it's creepy. They tend to hang onto the reason you give them and won't leave you alone. Women have to be careful, of course. Even though ignoring them appears as rudeness - safety is number one. That's why I ignore pushy guys - or you can end up getting slightly stalkerish or violent behaviour. I'm not exaggerating.

smudge
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29 Mar 2012, 12:24 pm

Daemonic-Jackal wrote:

smudge wrote:

That's completely pointless. They're just being polite and are trying not to look bad.

Ah the classic pass-the-buck narcissistic attitude of female hypocrisy strikes again. :lol:

Preach all you want about claiming its ok to be ignorant but you'd probably be the first to complain if it was the other way around.

You obviously don't know what a narcissist is. Nor what ignorant means. Also, when I said the female was trying not to look bad, I didn't mean it was in the mans favour.

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

copied/pasted from her profile:

I’m looking for
Guys who like girls
Ages 35–50
Near me
Who are single
For new friends, long-term dating

MY profile? Why are *you* suddenly so interested in me?! Where did you get that from?

Daemonic-Jackal wrote:

And if you really are looking for new friends then ignoring anyone who says hello isn't a great starting point.

Why are you judging me already? You don't know me. I have friends IRL, so I must be doing something right.

Last edited by smudge on 29 Mar 2012, 12:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.

The_Face_of_Boo
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29 Mar 2012, 12:31 pm

Quote:

MY profile? Why are *you* suddenly so interested in me?! Where did you get that from?

Haha, nice try. You're just projecting your wishes here.

smudge, i made it clear plenty of times, I don't want to be your boyfriend.

ValentineWiggin
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29 Mar 2012, 12:33 pm

smudge wrote:

Daemonic-Jackal wrote:

And if you really are looking for new friends then ignoring anyone who says hello isn't a great starting point.

Why are you judging me already? You don't know me. I have friends IRL, so I must be doing something right.

Note, too, the implication that someone who ignores YOU is just ignoring "anyone".
The cognitive avoidance of anything too personal is truly astounding.

I've sent thoughtful messages to guys on dating sites before, to no response.
They weren't ignoring "anyone", they were ignoring ME, because they didn't like something about me.
The lack of response in ITSELF means our interaction is done- they aren't interested.

Continuing to pester them is where "rudeness" enters the picture,
let alone demanding a response.

Why is this so difficult for some?

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The_Face_of_Boo
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29 Mar 2012, 12:35 pm

ValentineWiggin wrote:

smudge wrote:

Daemonic-Jackal wrote:

And if you really are looking for new friends then ignoring anyone who says hello isn't a great starting point.

Why are you judging me already? You don't know me. I have friends IRL, so I must be doing something right.

Is it too difficult for you to get that is not what I was talking in the main post?

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 29 Mar 2012, 12:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

ValentineWiggin
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29 Mar 2012, 12:37 pm

I'm looking at it now- it involves you "getting assertive" with someone who's chosen to ignore you for whatever reason-
a fast ticket to being added to a blocked list in most cases.

Did I miss something?

This thread is filled with you demanding that women respond to men's messages as an order of "politeness",
and insulting them if they don't.

Last edited by ValentineWiggin on 29 Mar 2012, 12:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

The_Face_of_Boo
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29 Mar 2012, 12:40 pm

ValentineWiggin wrote:

Did I miss something?

Yes, you missed the whole point of the thread.

Bye.

ValentineWiggin
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29 Mar 2012, 12:41 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

ValentineWiggin wrote:

Did I miss something?

Yes, you missed the whole point of the thread.

Bye.

Oh, okay. Sorry about that.
Could you explain to me how the entire thing doesn't reek of self-entitlement, then?

Thanks.

smudge
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29 Mar 2012, 12:45 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Quote:

MY profile? Why are *you* suddenly so interested in me?! Where did you get that from?

Haha, nice try. You're just projecting your wishes here.

smudge, i made it clear plenty of times, I don't want to be your boyfriend.

No, really, how did you get my profile?? You must have researched me, or someone else has and gave it to you. By the impression I get of you - you really don't like me very much which is why *you* don't read my posts properly and make great assumptions about me, which is why I'm surprised you would go to that bother of finding my profile.

For the record, I thought I hinted enough on WP, and I thought me and him flirted enough on WP... but I have a boyfriend. He's an ex member on here.

Last edited by smudge on 29 Mar 2012, 12:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.

ValentineWiggin
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29 Mar 2012, 12:46 pm

Whoa, creepy.