Continually approached, but I reject everyone. Why???

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That wasn't what I was meaning. I was meaning jump into a relationship before that happens, as opposed to getting to know them THEN doing it.

It relates back to the cat analogy perfectly, people value something that doesn't seek validation. Men and women seek a challenge alike, people grow more attracted to the unattainable because it is just that. It's probably stronger in women however as they are more sought after in society.

As stated earlier in the thread, people seek reinforcement in the perceptions they build for themselves, however negative those perceptions may be, people will be drawn to people that reinforce them. It's a factor in how abusive and manipulative relationships are formed.

You can bet that if this guy Sunshower likes turned into a clingy desperate mess, her attraction for him would diminish in some way. Right now, she's the cat and he is the ball of string slowly unwinding, if that dynamic was flipped, it would be rather interesting.

interesting indeed

not everyone likes a challenge, thankfully. i don't like one, and my ex-husband didn't like a challenge either. i don't compete with other females; either i get what who want... or i don't.

i have found a few men who were put off by my forwardness, but most seem to like it.

Only sissy guys would get scared off, real men will like it.

If I reject you, it's not because you scare me off (bah! you'd need more than that to 'scare' me off!) but because you might not reach my high bar.

I am just curious tho , if you're really "alpha", what proofs you have in hand for this? do you take very good care of yourself? how creative are you? what's your lifestyle? are you highly attractive? I mean anyone on the internet can say "hey I am alpha", your word isn't enough.


You can pm me if you want.

and if you don't want to (probably because you lack proof) then it's ok because i won't care.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 11 Apr 2012, 4:48 am, edited 1 time in total.

Of course, I guess it has to do with mutual attraction really. I don't see the point in playing games and being challenging if both people desire a mutual relationship and share a mutual bond but I know some people like the cat and mouse dynamics in relationships, it's interesting as to why they like it.

Some people will be attracted to something that questions or reinforces their sense of validity or self verification and I suppose maybe that goes back to having a low self esteem or being uncertain about core beliefs. I think that could be the case here and what you stated previously in the thread was spot on.

I think there's a difference between someone that is needy and someone that is forward. For someone to be forward, the attraction needs to be evident and strong to begin with, they need to be confident that the person is strongly attracted to them first. Without that attraction, it comes across as clingy so again, it comes down to mutual interest and attraction.

I'm not sure with the whole alpha thing, someone else said they were alpha and suggested I probably was so I thought ok. I thought alpha was more to do with how extroverted you are and how dominating you tend to be in a group situation/whether you are the one who makes the decisions when with friends/whether people defer to you in a group context. I didn't think being alpha had anything to do with creativity or attractiveness.

I thought I was possibly alpha as I do tend to be the leader/decision maker in group contexts and I am quite extroverted, although I don't think things are as clear cut as that in life really. People tell me I'm attractive but honestly, especially these days, I think I'm fairly average. I am creative, yes. I try to take good care of my health - eat well, exercise, etc. I dress nicely although I am not so good at hair and makeup. But I don't see how that is relevant to this thread.

I don't recall much how you look like, honestly. I just recall you're blonde in that behind the tree avatar, not much physically revealing, duh.


If you're alpha, you make it relevant!

Probably how the alpha should be in my eyes differs.

But let's take this discussion elsewhere....

Follow me...

[/attention seeking thread]

dont cling to the hope of being with someone who doesnt like you. speaking from experience, it is a massive waste of time. you are only going to hurt yourself by gazing from afar at someone you have 0 chance of being with. be honest with yourself:

who do you really want:

a guy who you like who could care less about you

or

a guy who you like, who also likes you back?

rejecting people is fine, just make sure you give people a chance first. if you arent attracted to them, thats one thing, but dont turn down people you are attracted to straight away, and DEFINITELY do not turn people down because you would rather hope and dream of a relationship with -insert random dude- that has literally 0 chance of happening.

as soon as you establish that someone doesnt want to be with you, or that they would rather be with someone else, it is at that point illogical to continue to pursue them. i'd even wager that nearly 99% of the people who have kept trying despite being turned down would agree with me. you arent going to flip a switch and make someone want to be with you by being persistent.

go look for a relationship that has MUTUAL interest. there, and only there, will you find a healthy relationship.

it seems to be the opposite with me. i think im TOO forward. im basically 100% transparent. im entirely too overzealous when i meet someone i like and try to interact with them XD.

workin on it though

step 1: find someone i actually like again.

This is not an attention seeking thread, I am genuinely seeking advice for something that really bothers me (otherwise I wouldn't have posted as I haven't posted threads in here for a while). L&D is a weak area for me, one I'm still learning to negotiate. I have only been honest here about an honest problem I have. I'm not saying being approached is a problem (which is offensive to those who aren't approached and wish to be), I've said my own internal feelings are a problem.

I accept that people have insulted me in this thread, not taken me seriously, and probably disliked me. This is ok, as I can handle this sort of treatment, but I would like those of you who have done this to, if you post in other threads of people with perhaps less common or more controversial L&D problems, take a step back and think more carefully before responding in this way to others. I'm pretty sure many of the people who come on here are more easily hurt by harsh words than me.

To make a few things clear that maybe I wasn't clear enough about at the start. When I say I am approached, I don't know how much in comparison to a standard person (could be average, below average, above average, who knows), just that it is continual, meaning consistent. It is probably the same amount of being approached as an average person, except I believe the average person wouldn't just keep spending years rejecting every single person that approached them because they would like some of those people back. This is the problem I am trying to discuss in the thread.

Yes, I agree with you on this. When I like somebody and it becomes clear there's no chance they like me back, then I just the "being brutally honest with myself" approach to try and ward of any ongoing obsession before it sinks in. This is difficult to achieve as I have a strong and most unfortunate tendency towards people obsessions, but over time I have become more practiced at this and it works faster. It makes me feel very bitter/sad though trying to do this while all these other people I don't have romantic feelings for are trying to court me, like in my head I'm wishing desperately I could somehow transfer the feelings but I can't.



But does such a thing exist? The only I get, the less sure I become that it even does. Maybe learning to settle is the only way to be in a relationship.

NO, no, no, no....

Settling is not how a good relationship work and most of the long lasting relationships I've seen there was no settling involved.

You do realize your only 23 right?(going off your pofile)

A friend of mine is 28 and she is in a relationship with somone whom she would have never dated when she was 23. Not only can your interests change but your perception of people and your interests will also change.

So there a good chance that people your not interested in right now will become interesting later. Not because your settling but because your view of the world and the people in it could change.

Last edited by Zinnel on 11 Apr 2012, 7:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I hope so.

I am 23, that's true, got all the time in the world (well, age is irrelevant when it comes to forming partnerships, you can do it at any life stage). I just... don't want to be making the same mistake over and over. It's a very Asperger's thing to do that, very easy to get stuck in a rut without realizing it. I hate time wasting.

It's what I'm told every time I complain about there not being any interesting and attractive women. Always the same thing, If I'd just settle on the overweight girl or the one with the hairlip, or simply settle for being friends with the girl I'm really interested in and settle for letting her use me as a doormat and free therapy when her douchebag boyfriend mistreats her.. If I'd just settle, then I'd be happy.

It's taught me not to pay any attention to certain persons on this forum's opinions.

I'd rather me miserable than settle.