Dumped after 4 (great) dates, why?

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JanuaryMan, please explain how it is jaded to state that most women are NOT golddiggers.

I can't but I can say it would be inaccurate to think that, and vice versa. And that's what I did say.

My post was addressing defending everything as a whole and there not being a need to do it, and how it can affect your judgement (jade it) on posts generally against people that are non partisan and not just the people you (feel) you should be defending against. Like for example, you are defending a viewpoint against me right now which you should know from my posts that I don't support. It's a sweeping generalization from my opinion, sure, but I don't see it as jaded. I like to believe most men aren't jerks (even if it's not really accurate, either). Rather than looking at how my statement being about posts being jaded in general, you took a statement I responded to neutrally (neither for you or the other person) to defend your viewpoint. This is what we call posting politics

Dumping you after 4 dates? Doesn't add up.

She or you never asked either of eachother out, otherwise you would've stated that and it would've meant more to you than dates.

This is just what happens in the world. People 'date' many people, even at the same time, until they find the person they feel connected to the most and pursue a relationship with them. You weren't in a relationship so she had the right to basically say 'I don't want to date any longer, LJBF".

She's probably just found someone she connects more to. It's nothing personal.

It's lovely that you're not one. Unfortunately many of us males have experiences enough genuine golddiggers to be very wary of them - there are plenty, though I'm not going to venture guessing at how many of them are.

Probably as many as there are horny, perverted men who stare at breasts too long.

"Gold digging" has exactly 0% to do with the original topic, the fact that it got brought up at all is pretty sh*tty.
If you want to speculate on this, start a topic about it.

Also, she and I are both students, and relatively poor, so the golddiggingtheory does not make that much sense . I had some facebookcontact and phone calls with her, she told me she did not feel 'the spark'. I asked her if she wanted to meet up on a friendly basis, because we have a lot of friendly chemistry and she liked the idea. Next week we are meeting up for drinks, just casual and no potential-relationship-and-all-the-conventions-attached-to-it-stuff.

Bottom line, we are friends now and I think it's going to work out fine.
Thank you for all the supportive comments!

Love,
JosefK

Good for you, Josef

I need to put a twist on the tangent: I most definitely did ask subtle questions when I was dating to figure out what kind of income class the guy was in, AND how he spent money. But I most certainly was not gold digging. I was making good money of my own, managing it well, and already owned my own home. While I didn't think a guy needed to be in the place I was, I also didn't feel it would work to be with someone who didn't value their own education as much as I had valued mine, or who had racked up credit debt buying toys that I would be stuck paying off for him. I wanted some sense the guy was as smart and responsible as I was.

JanuaryMan, i will defend any group against generalisation on the board. fo example, if someone said men are perverts, i would poin out the gross inaccuracy. i do not do that by replacing it with more generalisations. the fact is that this section of the board is frankly hostile to females to a greater degree than males (though nobody is exempt), so that is what you'll see me combating most often.

I am a pervert.

I commend you for doing that, but don't feel it's necessary. It's also tiring on any individual, and leads to only a negative impact on them. I never said you didn't favour defending generalizations of women over men, btw, but nice to know that's how you roll

And yes, what the heck does gold digging have to do with this topic anyway.
Sounds like Josef has found his middle ground though and the dating world will continue to move for him

well, you did say that i could become jaded or that it could affect my judgement, so it was necessary to clarify that i do flow in one direction.

i find that it really IS necessary on the board. if we had people generalising that chinese people are lazy (never badly enough to warrant moderation, but bad enough that chinese people can see the implications), then the board becomes hostile to them.

She would not have changed her mind based on his diagnosis because she was already experiencing him as he is. The diagnosis is just a label. People can change their minds about others, but if they're closed minded enough to reject someone for being Autistic, you're definitely better off without them in the long run.

I'm very willing to educate people I meet in social setting about Autism/AS if they come out with misconceptions or even ignorant attitudes and prejudiced. Enough people respond well to that and change the way they think about autism a little bit that it's worth it. I give everyone a chance to learn and be respectful. If they stay close minded or don't shape up after I've corrected their bad information, they aren't worth repeated effort.
Every relationship isn't worth saving.
If it doesn't work out, it wasn't the right one and it's time to move on to a new experience with as little baggage and burdensome expectation as possible.

Hmm that's interesting, my guy has only disclosed his AS to me and no one else in this state because where he used to live as soon as they found out about it they treated him differently. Shallow yes. But it happens.

I dunno...I've ended things with people because I thought the amalgamation of our NT/AS differences was too great for a relationship to work.

Does that make me "closed-minded"?

The diagnosis isn't "just a label"- it represents a number of differences, some of them quite incredible, from a statistical norm.

I'm seeing someone now who, while fantastically-open minded and validating, has said that he's having to "critically-examine everything he thought to be universally-true about human thinking and desires".

Maybe she researched Autism too much and decided that he must have a bunch of traits which didn't work for her. That would be wrong.