How to recognize when a girl is flirting with you?

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ThinkingMonkey
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01 Jun 2012, 10:09 am

NicoleG wrote:

Men and women both do it - it's not just women. The act of being flirty serves a couple of purposes. It can relax any tension that's in the air, it can put someone in a good mood, and in some cases it can make the other person get a little self-esteem lift. It's a form of trying to be nice and show that you care, although from a more sexual standpoint rather than a platonic friendly standpoint. It can get confusing if you are unsure of how to handle it when someone else does it or you take the cues to be more serious than they were intended to be by the other person.

I agree I have seen a male friend of mine who, talks very closely to the girls he barely knows. Once I asked him 'from how long do you know that girl?' his reply: I do not know her that well.

By any chance is this small talk? or plain flirting?
According to me small talk is just trying to keep a person engaged by talking about matters which are not personal. am I right?

Also, why would a person show that they care to another person they barely know and if they are not interested in them for dating?

ThinkingMonkey
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01 Jun 2012, 10:16 am

edgewaters wrote:

ToughDiamond wrote:

NicoleG wrote:

Adam82 wrote:

I will never understand why they act flirty around you when they don't mean it..

It's a form of trying to be nice and show that you care, although from a more sexual standpoint rather than a platonic friendly standpoint.

I wouldn't have thought a person could care about another person in a sexual way.

I'm utterly confused by this as well. How can you care about someone sexually, but at the same time not care about someone sexually?

I could kind of see if you had a thing for someone but for practical reasons wanted to keep things platonic but then it doesn't make sense to flirt with them.

I always figured it was mostly just brinksmanship. Like in the term "flirting with disaster".

I completely agree with your thoughts.

ThinkingMonkey
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01 Jun 2012, 10:20 am

poeticwrongplanet wrote:

Lots of women particularly younger women tend to flirt even if they don't really mean anything by it. The flirting can even be quite sexually suggestive/provocative, but she would still attach little to no meaning whatsoever to it. As has been said, women use this type of interaction as a social lubricant, to give/get a self-esteem boost, to encourage camaraderie among a group of co-workers etc.

I know it's very hard for us to wrap our heads around the idea that women could do this "just for fun" and attach no meaning to it. But remember, it's similarly hard for them to wrap their heads around the idea that some people don't know how to flirt with no underlying meaning / or take flirting way too seriously. Both of us need to reach out to understand each other.

By reading your first paragraph, I think something is wrong with the people around us.

By reading your second paragraph, you are right.

ThinkingMonkey
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01 Jun 2012, 10:25 am

NicoleG wrote:

edgewaters wrote:

ToughDiamond wrote:

NicoleG wrote:

Adam82 wrote:

I will never understand why they act flirty around you when they don't mean it..

It's a form of trying to be nice and show that you care, although from a more sexual standpoint rather than a platonic friendly standpoint.

I wouldn't have thought a person could care about another person in a sexual way.

I'm utterly confused by this as well. How can you care about someone sexually, but at the same time not care about someone sexually?

Try thinking of it not as "care about someone sexually," but "care about making someone else feel sexy about themselves." That's where the 'sexual' nature of it comes in to play.

I suppose that does not mean being sexually attracted to self. Does, feel sexy about themselves mean that making a person know/realise that people(depending on sexual preferences, same gender/opposite gender) find them attractive?

ThinkingMonkey
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01 Jun 2012, 10:28 am

spongy wrote:

In my experience it can usually be described by "there's many a true word spoken in jest".

Some light jokes are usually a friendly sign but if a girl keeps making similar jokes that could be seen as light flirting a repeated amount of times over a short period chances are that they´ll say yes if you ask them out(provided that they are single).

For other situations lookout for any "special treatment" from her. From making a point to go by your desk and talk to you quite frequently if she isnt doing the same thing with others surrounding you, to being in a group activity and her making sure that she spends most of the time talking to you on repeated occasions.

Not saying any of this is a definite sign of flirting with any girl but if you see a girl doing this you may want to start paying closer attention to how she acts and look for any similar signs/ask her out eventually

The conversation was digressing with the other posts. Thank you for these. You came back to my original question.

ThinkingMonkey
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01 Jun 2012, 10:32 am

edgewaters wrote:

NicoleG wrote:

Try thinking of it not as "care about someone sexually," but "care about making someone else feel sexy about themselves." That's where the 'sexual' nature of it comes in to play.

I think I get it a little better, but now like it even less. I used to be uncomfortable with it because of not knowing how to react, now I'm uncomfortable with what it means. I never thought of it as actual sexual commentary but lacking intent. I thought of it as witty banter/wordplay, or somtimes a game of brinksmanship, that could sometimes include a sort of ... feeling things out.

I think I'll try to forget that it actually is intended as sexual commentary. Now I'm going to feel really awkward with it. Maybe there are some things we're better off not knowing about women!

I always associated flirting with showing interest in the other person with the intend to date(get to know the person at a more personal level etc). Never thought about it in a sexual way!

I hope I do not start feeling awkward when a girl starts acting weird around me.

ThinkingMonkey
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01 Jun 2012, 10:36 am

Adam82 wrote:

It sounds rather dishonest to me, to make someone 'feel sexy' if they have no interest in you. In fact, upon finding out she was just being nice, it makes my self esteem a lot worse . I feel like she was just using me as an ego boost.

I concur.

ThinkingMonkey
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01 Jun 2012, 10:42 am

Silvervarg wrote:

Next one had bluntly told me she liked me not even a week before and litteraly had her pantys in her hand and was dressed in nothing but a T-shirt, I still had no clue what she was going for. :lol:

So dont feel bad if you feel like you cant read the signes of flirting, you're in very good company.

That would have been very confusing! I haven't had any such encounters.

NicoleG
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01 Jun 2012, 11:48 am

ThinkingMonkey wrote:

One thought that comes to my mind is that these girls are very insecure and crave attention.

That's actually more common than not. It's a fair observation.

The other commonality is that they tend to want something tangible, not just attention. Salesmen flirt to make sales. Some people flirt to get sex, but they aren't actually interested in a full-blown relationship, and they are too timid to come right out and ask for it due to the societal stigma of asking for something like that so bluntly and the fear of rejection if the feelings aren't mutual.

I tend to be blunt. I'll tell someone point blank if I like them. I can usually read the cues pretty well, but sometimes I don't like the ambiguity that's in my own mind, so I'll come out and say what I'm thinking or feeling.

NicoleG
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01 Jun 2012, 11:55 am

ThinkingMonkey wrote:

That's how I look at it. Two people can disagree on the specifics between just being friendly and flirting, as they are more like lying on a continuum. There's some gray in there where people might define one a little more broadly than the other. It's when things are in the gray area that people tend to mess up trying to decide how to define the actions of another person, which is why I like to be blunt when I'm unsure. I'm not afraid of guessing wrong or feeling rejected. I'd rather know for sure that I'm wrong than make some other sort of fool of myself.

ThinkingMonkey wrote:

Also, why would a person show that they care to another person they barely know and if they are not interested in them for dating?

Caring about the well-being of another person doesn't require you to know them well. The better you know them, the most tailored how you show that you care can be, but generalized caring doesn't require detailed knowledge of the other person.

NicoleG
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01 Jun 2012, 11:58 am

ThinkingMonkey wrote:

Yeah, that's correct.

ToughDiamond
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01 Jun 2012, 12:33 pm

I've no doubt that it's a mood-enhancing experience, which might work even if you don't consciously believe it (or notice it), if it works on a subliminal level. It's quite interesting because it usually takes a sledgehammer to get me to notice a gesture of interest in me.....and even when I've pondered the behaviour and seen the signs, I still can't believe it. But what's odd is that once I'd had some experience of relationships and their beginnings, I started to notice myself often feeling euphoric when I pondered what was exchanged between myself and potential partners, although as I say, I didn't believe I was in with much of a chance. As if some communication had happened under my conscious radar. So I suspect that if this sexual flattery thing is done well, in terms of body language and subtlety, there would probably be an unconscious lift.

Not that I'm supporting it. Just acknowledging that in skilled hands, in some cases, it could do good and be harmless, at least in the narrower context of the two people concerned. Kind of fooling the selfish gene into doling out a bit of energy which we then use for something other than the said gene's Glorious Plan.

biostructure
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01 Jun 2012, 1:17 pm

I agree it can provide a sort of euphoric boost--but the problem is, you need to get real interest often enough, that the following let-down of worrying you will never find someone isn't a bigger downer than the flirting is a lift.

It's almost like, seeing a picture of a delicious ice cream cone can make you think happy, optimistic thoughts (of birthdays, beautiful summer days, etc.), but if you're starving, it will likely only make you hungrier.

DanRaccoon
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01 Jun 2012, 2:43 pm

How do you know when a girl is flirting or just want's to get laid with the first man she sees? or if she is just messing with your head.

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TM
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01 Jun 2012, 3:09 pm

DanRaccoon wrote:

How do you know when a girl is flirting or just want's to get laid with the first man she sees? or if she is just messing with your head.

Like without any chance at setting up a behavioral baseline previous to the flirtation?

ValentineWiggin
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01 Jun 2012, 4:48 pm

I would imagine there's a significant amount of flirting when one wants to get laid.

I think there's some tossing of or touching of her mane. Laughing. Mirroring your body movements. Lots of smiling.

Or I'm just talking out of my @ss.

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