ok i agree that men with aspergers have it harder.

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30 Aug 2012, 4:28 pm

I think its even more than anxiety.

Aspie guy's know that they're only going to clique with that one odd girl they'll meet once every other year or two perhaps (ie. someone who can look past different means of expression, not 'read off the common script' socially, etc.). They also know that they quite often can't tell this girl by sheer looks, they also know that most attractive women have a shield up from getting hit on to where if the guy was going to take full responsibility for his dating he'd be dating hundreds to find one right catch. In other words the guy can either sit out and keep his fingers crossed or chase his own tail until he's ready to throw up.

Simply put the numbers just go haywire (IMHO certain things like dating up to a couple hundred women to find one relationship is requesting something superhuman) and traditional means stops working for us right about there.

Last edited by techstepgenr8tion on 30 Aug 2012, 4:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.

infilove
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30 Aug 2012, 4:29 pm

Mindslave wrote:

Men with Asperger's have it harder relative to being in charge and knowing what's going on. Women with Asperger's can be clueless in certain contexts, because whether it's sexist or not, being clueless fits part of the female gender role, so it's a little easier to fit in.

Women in general have it more difficult because there is more expected of them implicitly, whereas with men more is expected of them explicitly. At least when things are explicit there is less confusion. But for relationships, men have it more difficult because they have to understand the implicit rules. All this is true irrespective of Asperger's, but AS makes it harder.

Dude you are smart!

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hyperlexian
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30 Aug 2012, 9:50 pm

bruinsy33 wrote:

AspieRogue wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

MacDragard wrote:

Women are volatile, and while they may not be looking to meet guys, they certainly are not closed off to it. Attractive women get hit on 20+ times per day, so if such a woman blows you off after you approach her, it's probably because she's lumped you in that group of guys automatically. Guys who have tact and skill though can easily change a woman's mood.

you are incorrect with that statement (bolded). *some* women are completely closed off to meeting strange men for romance. it is safer and more of a known quantity to date mutual friends, coworkers, family friends, etc. attraction is often something that builds over time for some people, so there isn't any sense in getting to know absolute strangers like that. i was always one of those types of women. if an unknown man approached me "cold" (any man at all), it was an automatic NO.

dating sites are different, though i still would get to know a man online for weeks or months before meeting in person.

Well gosh darnit! You took those words right out of my mouth.

Though iHope MacDragard takes your word for it as you are a woman and I'm not. The thing is though, befriending women because you're attracted to them for the ulterior motive of hooking up with them isn't going to work if she isn't attracted to you. Also, I'd strongly advise you fellas here to exercise extreme caution when it comes to wooing or even dating female coworkers. If she's not interested and you make feel uncomfortable, you could easily get accused of sexual harassment and end up being fired or even sued. If you date a coworker and you guys break up, then you could also risk loosing your job if there's any residual tension between you two at the office. There are lots of different ways to meet women, but not all of them work for everybody. You have to find what works for you and if you try something more than once and get no luck, then it's time to try something different.

There are guys who have extraordinarily good social skills and tact and are able to charm female strangers......Especially in bars and even when they're all by themselves. But most men aren't like this, and if you're aspie guy this is truly a pipe dream.

Yes,to think I could woo a woman in a crowded bar is a pipe dream.I do agree about the risks in dating a co worker but I think for Aspies ,if you go about it the right way it might be the best way to go. Where else are you going to interact with a woman [depending on the job ,of course] where she gets to see the good qualities that you have?I don't think Aspie men make a good impression at a crowded bar.There are risks in dating a co worker but I think those risks are worth taking and you can likely minimize those risks if you go about it the right way.

a lot of people do meet partners at work. i think it's just extra-important to make sure that a particular female is receptive to dating to avoid discomfort or notions of harassment.

what i'm also trying to convey is the fact that for some (many?) women, it will not matter how suave or socially lubricated a man happens to be - for those women, they simply won't respond to cold approaches.

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Weiss_Yohji
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31 Aug 2012, 12:53 pm

wtfid2 wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

and he should works on his sense of fashion.

he had a dress shirt and khakis on.

Far better than what Christian Weston Chandler wears: Striped clown shirts and jeans that are too small for his fat frame and, more recently, women's clothing. (In his defense, though, he looks far manlier than Justin Bieber.)

I myself recently took a MILF out to this charity event my workplace does every year--the whole bar area turns into a mini-club with a DJ, a raffle, and our bartenders doing trick-pouring and other fun things--and had on a Mario shirt, baggy shorts, steampunk boots, and argyle socks. I already wear that s**t when I go to her work and sit at the bar there. The whole thing turned into a group date as more women came along, but that's alright.

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31 Aug 2012, 1:40 pm

Weiss_Yohji wrote:

wtfid2 wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

and he should works on his sense of fashion.

he had a dress shirt and khakis on.

You forgot to mention his Sonichu medallion. That's the icing on the cake.

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01 Sep 2012, 12:50 am

Kurgan wrote:

Weiss_Yohji wrote:

wtfid2 wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

and he should works on his sense of fashion.

he had a dress shirt and khakis on.

You forgot to mention his Sonichu medallion. That's the icing on the cake.

Unlike Chris, I'm also willing to date a MILF. If she's a cool enough chick, why not?

He hasn't worn the medallion in forever, though.

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01 Sep 2012, 3:36 am

it's fascinating to see how the undatables can date it's just more of looking at who you really are inside and find someone that can share that experience along and find a way to make sure equal is true love.

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01 Sep 2012, 9:26 am

MacDragard wrote:

You may be right about that, but I think he'd be less tolerable towards women with a controlling attitude, especially if they are explicit about it. Trojan horses are another story.

If you analyze people's relationships and behavior towards the opposite sex, you largely conclude that Freud was right. Our relationships with the opposite sex is largely dependent on our relationship with our mother (if male) and father (if female).

For instance, my mother is somewhat emotionally unstable, gets very angry quickly, shuts people out of her life if they displease her and such. So, my approach towards her of trying to avoid doing anything that could possibly offend her or trigger her temper, constantly trying to conform to her standards in order to get praise, approval and affection is a behavioral pattern that was largely repeated with other females prior to me becoming conscious of it.

All parents vow to not f**k up their kids, but all parents end up doing just that.

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01 Sep 2012, 9:34 am

hyperlexian wrote:

I know you won't agree with this, but women at large respond to the same things in a man and a lot of those things are often not present in Aspie males. On a non-scientific level, a lot of women are attracted to confidence, status and strength (not just physical) some of which aspies to do not express in the "normal" way. Attraction is in many cases not a conscious choice, but largely subconscious.

Bonding in females is triggered by oxytocin, a hormone which is triggered by touch. Another hormone that triggers bonding in both genders is Phenylethylamine which is triggered by prolonged eye contact.

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01 Sep 2012, 9:45 am

TM wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

A lot of things happen on a non scientific level.

Some people say that they can heal you by merely touching you. Some people say snake oil will do wonders for your skin...
The fact that you are saying that its not scientific right there shows how much credibility there is to it.

This is a concept that has been going around since like forever.
Right now its mostly used by" gurus" trying to take money from you to make you look more succesful/whatever quality they say that will bring your life partner.

If any of what this people said was true the number of male members on this section would decrease to a 10th of its size because we´ve all tried this sort of thing. And most of us have found that no matter what this gurus say their method doesnt work for everyone and most people having success with their method would have the same success by approaching people without following any method

If there was any credibility to it there would be plenty of studies to back it up since there are studies to "back up" literally anything(aspie friend shared one about the benefits of semen on fb last week, I think that what you are implying would be in a higher priority than the study I just mentioned)

Weiss_Yohji
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01 Sep 2012, 11:50 am

Maybe if the Aspie and the poet from that series were to try some PUA stuff, it might help.

I did it recently and wound up getting a date out of it. Looks like there's something to it after all.

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01 Sep 2012, 12:16 pm

spongy wrote:

TM wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

The hormonal things are scientific, you can look that up pretty much anywhere.

On the "dating guru" aspect, I find your comment to be a lot like the "diet and exercise doesn't work crowd" I have been dieting on and off since I was in my teens and I've yet to find a diet and exercise program that doesn't work. Low fat, low carb, protein, south beach, atkins, etc all work provided there aren't hormonal issues.

The reason why I said it was "non-scientific" is that outside of evolutionary psychology/biology there has been little research into it. Furthermore, people on this forum appears to hate evolutionary psychology and biology with a vengeance and discount any studies from the fields.

The Adapted mind by Bruce Ellis is one source.

However, quoting scientific sources on wrongplanet is pointless because as certain members have proven time and time again, you can always find a source to back up your point of view.

Certain things are simply apriori, such as the fact that as replicator machines for our genes, we seek to find a partner that gives our offspring the best possible reproductive cards.

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01 Sep 2012, 2:29 pm

Weiss_Yohji wrote:

Maybe if the Aspie and the poet from that series were to try some PUA stuff, it might help.

I did it recently and wound up getting a date out of it. Looks like there's something to it after all.

nothing is going to help the poet he looks horrible an wears velcro

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TM
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01 Sep 2012, 2:40 pm

wtfid2 wrote:

Weiss_Yohji wrote:

Maybe if the Aspie and the poet from that series were to try some PUA stuff, it might help.

I did it recently and wound up getting a date out of it. Looks like there's something to it after all.

nothing is going to help the poet he looks horrible an wears velcro

I never got it tbh. Being reasonably well dressed and groomed as a man is fairly simple, yet so many men fail at it.

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01 Sep 2012, 2:42 pm

TM wrote:

wtfid2 wrote:

Weiss_Yohji wrote:

Maybe if the Aspie and the poet from that series were to try some PUA stuff, it might help.

I did it recently and wound up getting a date out of it. Looks like there's something to it after all.

nothing is going to help the poet he looks horrible an wears velcro

I never got it tbh. Being reasonably well dressed and groomed as a man is fairly simple, yet so many men fail at it.

i meant him personally. He dresses well enough imo(besides the velcro) if he was normal looking but he is deformed with bug eyes.

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01 Sep 2012, 2:54 pm

wtfid2 wrote:

Weiss_Yohji wrote:

Maybe if the Aspie and the poet from that series were to try some PUA stuff, it might help.

I did it recently and wound up getting a date out of it. Looks like there's something to it after all.

nothing is going to help the poet he looks horrible an wears velcro

Confidence can make a man feel ten feet tall.

If that's not enough for him, give him a guitar or a drum set. He'll get a lot of tail if women think he's in a band.

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ok i agree that men with aspergers have it harder.