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Who else here would feel kinda awkward dating another aspie?

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civrev
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13 Oct 2012, 12:22 am

I might be more comfortable dating someone with AS; I wouldn't feel so different from everyone else, and I'd have someone that has went through some of the same stuff I went through. I think it would make communication easier since aspies don't rely on social cues so much since we don't read them well anyways, so more open communication may just be more natural. It'd be nice to be in a situation where I didn't have to figure out so many things out of my comfort zone that I don't understand, though I do try to do that also just to improve myself.



Mishra2012
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13 Oct 2012, 1:16 am

I'd feel great dating an aspie(still have to asses if we are compatible or not). Major issu for me is it seems most aspies men put a lot on how a woman looks. Most feel she HAS to be hot and others are willing to "settle" for someone that isn't so they aren't alone... Much easier to find an NT that doesn't put so much weight on looks. From my experiences and what I have read... Even though most men are far more shallow when it comes to looks than women are anyway.


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Jaden
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13 Oct 2012, 2:01 am

Mishra2012 wrote:
I'd feel great dating an aspie(still have to asses if we are compatible or not). Major issu for me is it seems most aspies men put a lot on how a woman looks. Most feel she HAS to be hot and others are willing to "settle" for someone that isn't so they aren't alone... Much easier to find an NT that doesn't put so much weight on looks. From my experiences and what I have read... Even though most men are far more shallow when it comes to looks than women are anyway.


In my experience, I haven't met a "normal" person who didn't place looks to a certain standard the way you describe.
I have AS and I look at personality above all else. I think personality is more important than appearance, afterall, we're not what we wear, what we are is something that can't be seen, it has to be heard, experienced, and felt.


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13 Oct 2012, 7:52 am

ValentineWiggin wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
It's been pretty good for me so far. heck, just having the freedom to stim has been awesome


it sucks there are more male aspies than female aspies


Diagnosed, there are. :wink:

Autistic women being less diagnosed would make finding one harder. There's less awareness about autism with women so women who are on the spectrum are less likely to to know about it or suspect themselves of being on the spectrum so they'll be less likely to join an autism community/site go to an Aspie meetup or mention it on dating site profiles. The Women could be less likely to get diagnosed partly because they can blend in better with some things compared to Aspie guys & blending in would make them less likely to be noticed


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13 Oct 2012, 10:32 pm

Not me. It'd show that I am with someone like-minded.


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13 Oct 2012, 11:22 pm

nick007 wrote:
ValentineWiggin wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
It's been pretty good for me so far. heck, just having the freedom to stim has been awesome


it sucks there are more male aspies than female aspies


Diagnosed, there are. :wink:

Autistic women being less diagnosed would make finding one harder. There's less awareness about autism with women so women who are on the spectrum are less likely to to know about it or suspect themselves of being on the spectrum so they'll be less likely to join an autism community/site go to an Aspie meetup or mention it on dating site profiles. The Women could be less likely to get diagnosed partly because they can blend in better with some things compared to Aspie guys & blending in would make them less likely to be noticed


I posted about the causes of the diagnosis disparity upthread

but yeah, you're less likely to find an identified aspergirl at an event or group

most autistics (diagnosed & undiagnosed) I meet tend to be in the wild, I just gravitate towards that type


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14 Oct 2012, 12:10 am

BlueMax wrote:
You think it might be because women are generally considered the more social gender? In the same way men don't want to report being abused by their wives because they're supposed to be the stronger gender? Generalizations, I know, but common enough to be of consideration. Would women be MORE embarassed about social difficulties when they're expected to be all super-social n' stuff?


Autism can't be understood as a problem with social interaction-
it's a neuro-psych difference resulting in many social/communicative difficulties because most people are NOT Autistic.
It's marked by a great number of other signs, such as sensory differences, fusion between logic and motivation to act pathways, etc.

I think it's primarily because the criteria were developed studying only men,
the field has extreme androcentricity problems in pretty much all areas,
and because the exact same mannerisms when displayed by a woman vs. a man will be interpreted totally-differently,
clinical settings and psychologists being unfortunately no different, many times.

I was 21 when I was diagnosed, and had been dragged from shrink to shrink since fifth grade, drugged up since then, diagnosed with everything from depression to anxiety to bipolar. :?


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ValentineWiggin
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14 Oct 2012, 12:12 am

DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
nick007 wrote:
ValentineWiggin wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
It's been pretty good for me so far. heck, just having the freedom to stim has been awesome


it sucks there are more male aspies than female aspies


Diagnosed, there are. :wink:

Autistic women being less diagnosed would make finding one harder. There's less awareness about autism with women so women who are on the spectrum are less likely to to know about it or suspect themselves of being on the spectrum so they'll be less likely to join an autism community/site go to an Aspie meetup or mention it on dating site profiles. The Women could be less likely to get diagnosed partly because they can blend in better with some things compared to Aspie guys & blending in would make them less likely to be noticed


I posted about the causes of the diagnosis disparity upthread

but yeah, you're less likely to find an identified aspergirl at an event or group

most autistics (diagnosed & undiagnosed) I meet tend to be in the wild, I just gravitate towards that type


True.

"In the wild". I like that. :D


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14 Oct 2012, 4:10 pm

it's hard to meet aspie women since at all of the aspie meet-ups i've gone to, it is male-dominated



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14 Oct 2012, 4:42 pm

Mishra2012 wrote:
I'd feel great dating an aspie(still have to asses if we are compatible or not). Major issu for me is it seems most aspies men put a lot on how a woman looks. Most feel she HAS to be hot and others are willing to "settle" for someone that isn't so they aren't alone... Much easier to find an NT that doesn't put so much weight on looks. From my experiences and what I have read... Even though most men are far more shallow when it comes to looks than women are anyway.


You know because the guy that you like doesn't find you attractive doesn't mean there is someone else out there that doesn't find you attractive for your looks.

It's such a cheap card to pull for a woman to use that as a scapegoat why you have unsuccessful hookups.

There is a survivability factor for carrying genes forward at play here.



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14 Oct 2012, 9:42 pm

Stalk wrote:
Mishra2012 wrote:
I'd feel great dating an aspie(still have to asses if we are compatible or not). Major issu for me is it seems most aspies men put a lot on how a woman looks. Most feel she HAS to be hot and others are willing to "settle" for someone that isn't so they aren't alone... Much easier to find an NT that doesn't put so much weight on looks. From my experiences and what I have read... Even though most men are far more shallow when it comes to looks than women are anyway.


You know because the guy that you like doesn't find you attractive doesn't mean there is someone else out there that doesn't find you attractive for your looks.

It's such a cheap card to pull for a woman to use that as a scapegoat why you have unsuccessful hookups.

There is a survivability factor for carrying genes forward at play here.


and having a victim mentality, attitude, mindset, looks much worse in men than it does in women



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14 Oct 2012, 9:49 pm

BigBossMSF wrote:
I dunno, I would just kinda look at it as being way too chaotic, or maybe I just wouldn't like to see my bad traits reflected like looking in a mirror. I guess it could be argued that you would feel more connected to a person through a common bond. But to me I feel like It would be accepting that I'm not normal and saying that I have no choice but to date other aspies cause I am too "weird".

Just watching videos of higher spectrum aspies makes me extremely uncomfortable and self conscious. As I think i'm pretty low spectrum...just not low enough to be completely "normal".


It would depend on what particular traits she has. On one hand, I feel like I would relate much better to another aspie, but we're all still very different. If it was someone like valentine wiggin, there's no way in hell that would ever work out.



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14 Oct 2012, 10:31 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:
and having a victim mentality, attitude, mindset, looks much worse in men than it does in women


That's only because "normal" society believes that men can't possibly be victimized, and people are always brought up to believe such nonsense because of yet another "normal" social belief: "Men must be strong willed, never giving in to anything, etc.". In fact, as you just stated it looks worse for men to be sensitive in that way, and it's actually frowned on for men to be anything less than an "emotional rock", to "normal" society. It's really no different than the social pressure of "perfection" because everyone else wants other people to be who they want them to be, instead of allowing people to be themselves.

Before you ask: No, I've never conidered myself as some kind of "victim", but I've been treated like crap by most people that I've encountered because I am the way I am, and because I get upset about that, people assume that i think I am one, when in reality I don't, I'm just sick of other people's crap.


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