26 Nov 2012, 3:48 am
mds_02 wrote:
I don't think, for most, it's the actual physical act. More what it symbolizes. That somebody finds them desireable. They see the lack of it as proof of their own worthlessness.
So that they themselves can feel desireable. Which, for some, is far more important than actually enjoying the experience. That need to feel desired can lead to some pretty messed up self-destructive behavior. I know that firsthand.
It comes from incredibly low self-esteem. Feeling that the only worth you have is what other people give you. And, for many, the ability to find sexual partners is taken as a token of that worth.
Thing is, most who are in that position don't realize that it's the lack of self-esteem causing the focus on sex, not the other way around.
hyperlexian wrote:
for women, the ease of getting sex is not relevant. why would anyone want sex with someone they find undesirable? 
So that they themselves can feel desireable. Which, for some, is far more important than actually enjoying the experience. That need to feel desired can lead to some pretty messed up self-destructive behavior. I know that firsthand.
It comes from incredibly low self-esteem. Feeling that the only worth you have is what other people give you. And, for many, the ability to find sexual partners is taken as a token of that worth.
Thing is, most who are in that position don't realize that it's the lack of self-esteem causing the focus on sex, not the other way around.
if the act is symbolic of themselves and they are seeing it only in terms of their own reflection... where does a partner even come into that? if someone's self-esteem is that low, i question whether a relationship could even begin to help them. it's all about him him HIM and HIS worthlessness. that's a very self-centred place to be seeking a partner from. maybe a therapist's couch would offer more assistance than a relationship would (or sex).
26 Nov 2012, 3:54 am
26 Nov 2012, 4:20 am
Sagroth wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
Sagroth wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
mds_02 wrote:
I don't think, for most, it's the actual physical act. More what it symbolizes. That somebody finds them desireable. They see the lack of it as proof of their own worthlessness.
So that they themselves can feel desireable. Which, for some, is far more important than actually enjoying the experience. That need to feel desired can lead to some pretty messed up self-destructive behavior. I know that firsthand.
It comes from incredibly low self-esteem. Feeling that the only worth you have is what other people give you. And, for many, the ability to find sexual partners is taken as a token of that worth.
Thing is, most who are in that position don't realize that it's the lack of self-esteem causing the focus on sex, not the other way around.
hyperlexian wrote:
for women, the ease of getting sex is not relevant. why would anyone want sex with someone they find undesirable?
So that they themselves can feel desireable. Which, for some, is far more important than actually enjoying the experience. That need to feel desired can lead to some pretty messed up self-destructive behavior. I know that firsthand.
It comes from incredibly low self-esteem. Feeling that the only worth you have is what other people give you. And, for many, the ability to find sexual partners is taken as a token of that worth.
Thing is, most who are in that position don't realize that it's the lack of self-esteem causing the focus on sex, not the other way around.
if the act is symbolic of themselves and they are seeing it only in terms of their own reflection... where does a partner even come into that? if someone's self-esteem is that low, i question whether a relationship could even begin to help them. it's all about him him HIM and HIS worthlessness. that's a very self-centred place to be seeking a partner from. maybe a therapist's couch would offer more assistance than a relationship would (or sex).
Well sure, in the end there's always personal accountability. But it wouldn't be such a pervasive neurosis if it wasn't culturally mandated.
cultures are changeable. perhaps this dialogue should be about how we can effect that?
Oh, certainly.
-Female equality
-Acceptance of alternative sexualities(unless they are demonstrably harmful, such as pedophilia)
-Acceptance of alternative family structure(polyamorous families, gay adoption, etc)
-More free sexuality
-Acceptance of gender roles outside "masculine male" and "feminine female."
-Rejection of hegemonic gender
-Free birth control
-Women having more control over what happens to their body.
-Rejection of procreation as the ultimate human goal(we have reached a point where overpopulation is a greater danger than under)
-seperating sex as an enjoyable activity from sex as procreation(sorry Catholics)
And that's just off the top of my head.
agreed, on all counts!
26 Nov 2012, 4:42 am
we have the state and its many private corporations to do that for us 
26 Nov 2012, 5:21 am
26 Nov 2012, 5:24 am
26 Nov 2012, 7:09 am
26 Nov 2012, 8:19 am
MXH
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DialAForAwesome
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WantToHaveALife
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06 Dec 2012, 5:37 pm
