Board index › Coping in life › Love and Dating

"Nice Guys of OK Cupid" Website

Page 5 of 12 [ 190 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 ... 12  Next

Previous topic | Next topic

nessa238
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jul 2011
Age: 58
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,908
Location: UK

02 Jan 2013, 7:09 pm

Who_Am_I wrote:
BlueMax wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
I don't want to whack them with a wet towel, ew. I might want to whack their backsides with a wet spade.


Does that mean your definition of "nice" is the same as the one picking people apart? I find some are legit but a lot really aren't...

...remind me never to ask you to shave your legs - I don't want a shovel to the head! *WHONGGgggg* :lol:


Ooops... head... arse... how did I get those two backwards?

:tongue:


Asking is different. It's just expressing a preference.
These guys think that women are obliged to shave their legs.
There's a difference between "I prefer that you would" and "I think you must".


Let's face it though, most of them probably don't even understand the meaning of the word 'obliged'!

I think people generally try and conform to a gender stereotype and men with little or no success with the opposite sex will probably still try and second guess how they think they are meant to act



Last edited by nessa238 on 02 Jan 2013, 7:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.

BlueMax
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Aug 2007
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,285

02 Jan 2013, 7:09 pm

Who_Am_I wrote:
Asking is different. It's just expressing a preference.
These guys think that women are obliged to shave their legs.
There's a difference between "I prefer that you would" and "I think you must".


It's been so long since I answered any of those questions, I wonder if that's even an option? Sometimes those questions only give 3 choices and none of them really apply. I'll go check...

found it:
Do you think women have an obligation to keep their legs shaved?
Yes
No

That's all there is... yes or no. And I think the big hangup on this one is the key word obligated. Lots of men may simply click yes to show they have a preference for shaved legs, but it gets misinterpreted by others as, "YOU MUST!!" because of that "obligated" modifier. Heck... in my search, I found an OKcupid forum thread on that very question OVER 18 PAGES LONG!! [ HERE ]

This is a good example of one word making a world of difference and war erupting over it! 8O Nobody likes being obligated to do anything - male or female - no matter the task! Not reading the question thoroughly and stating a simple preference instead, will result in some nasty person posting your picture with "as*hole" stamped on your forehead.

I've said it before but I think it got missed, a lot of these guys ARE as*holes and deserve their stamp. Quite a few don't.

After all, how would you like to be publicly mocked for ANY reason?



Last edited by BlueMax on 02 Jan 2013, 7:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Who_Am_I
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Aug 2005
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 12,632
Location: Australia

02 Jan 2013, 7:13 pm

BlueMax wrote:
Who_Am_I wrote:
Asking is different. It's just expressing a preference.
These guys think that women are obliged to shave their legs.
There's a difference between "I prefer that you would" and "I think you must".


It's been so long since I answered any of those questions, I wonder if that's even an option? Sometimes those questions only give 3 choices and none of them really apply. I'll go check...


I don't know.
Can you skip questions/add a qualifier?
In any case, if you don't think it's an obligation, the answer would be "no", and then you could discuss your preference individually with people who you talked to.


_________________
Music Theory 101: Cadences.
Authentic cadence: V-I
Plagal cadence: IV-I
Deceptive cadence: V- ANYTHING BUT I ! !! !
Beethoven cadence: V-I-V-I-V-V-V-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I! I! I! I I I


meems
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Dec 2010
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,869

02 Jan 2013, 7:18 pm

It really seems like they should make that question more specific, like asking if it is your preference that a woman you are dating would shave her legs.


_________________
http://www.facebook.com/eidetic.onus
http://eidetic-onus.tumblr.com/
Warning, my tumblr is a man-free zone :)


MXH
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Jul 2010
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,057
Location: Here i stand and face the rain

02 Jan 2013, 7:19 pm

meems wrote:
It really seems like they should make that question more specific, like asking if it is your preference that a woman you are dating would shave her legs.


this is the way i read this question originally. Though i found it so stupid and unnecesary i didnt even bother answering it



hyperlexian
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jul 2010
Age: 52
Gender: Female
Posts: 22,023
Location: with bucephalus

02 Jan 2013, 7:24 pm

wtfid2 wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
they didn't choose the men according to how they look, they chose them according to what they said.
on an unconscious level they did! Also these men said those things because they were not attractive enough for women to date them in spite of saying these things. Nice looking guys who say these things still get girls!!!oh wait nice looker guys don't say this stuff bc they get girls.

no.... those men looked perfectly attractive. some of them looked like they could be actors, even.

they were selected according to their profile content. if you think they were not, then you can go ahead and find some profiles of "better" looking men who said the same thing, that the blogger skipped because they were too good looking.


_________________
on a break, so if you need assistance please contact another moderator from this list:
viewtopic.php?t=391105


yellowtamarin
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Sep 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,763
Location: Australia

02 Jan 2013, 7:24 pm

meems wrote:
It really seems like they should make that question more specific, like asking if it is your preference that a woman you are dating would shave her legs.

I always assumed the question was written by a female who does not shave her legs, and is looking for a partner who would be okay with that.



BlueMax
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Aug 2007
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,285

02 Jan 2013, 7:24 pm

MXH wrote:
meems wrote:
It really seems like they should make that question more specific, like asking if it is your preference that a woman you are dating would shave her legs.


this is the way i read this question originally. Though i found it so stupid and unnecesary i didnt even bother answering it


Smart move. I avoid a lot of those war-starting questions. If you really want to know, we can discuss it. ;)



nessa238
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jul 2011
Age: 58
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,908
Location: UK

02 Jan 2013, 7:25 pm

meems wrote:
It really seems like they should make that question more specific, like asking if it is your preference that a woman you are dating would shave her legs.


I think it's a stupid question as it's far too personal a detail to be discussing at the dating stage.

A woman will decide whether to shave her legs or not and if she does it because her partner tells her to or expects it, she's an idiot!

Any man who saw unshaved legs as a deal breaker isn't worth knowing

Most women will shave their legs as it's a gender stereotype for women to have smooth skin so most will be doing it anyway, without any input from the man

And I've yet to meet a man who's said "Eurgh! I'm not having sex with you tonight - you've got unshaved legs!"



Last edited by nessa238 on 02 Jan 2013, 7:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.

meems
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Dec 2010
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,869

02 Jan 2013, 7:28 pm

nessa238 wrote:
meems wrote:
It really seems like they should make that question more specific, like asking if it is your preference that a woman you are dating would shave her legs.


I think it's a stupid question as it's far too personal a detail to be discussing at the dating stage.


That's actually a really good point.

I kind of want to make an OK Cupid account but I read a lot of negative stuff about it here and wonder whether or not it's just going to be a waste of time.


_________________
http://www.facebook.com/eidetic.onus
http://eidetic-onus.tumblr.com/
Warning, my tumblr is a man-free zone :)


hyperlexian
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jul 2010
Age: 52
Gender: Female
Posts: 22,023
Location: with bucephalus

02 Jan 2013, 7:29 pm

if a man prefers that a woman should shave her legs, there is probably a question for that somewhere. but you can still prefer it and not expect her to be obliged. it's basically asking whether it is an absolute sticking point or not - a dealbreaker. if it isn't a dealbreaker, it seems like a "no" would cover it. and if a person is unsure what "obligation" means, they shouldn't answer the question perhaps.


_________________
on a break, so if you need assistance please contact another moderator from this list:
viewtopic.php?t=391105


BlueMax
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Aug 2007
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,285

02 Jan 2013, 7:32 pm

This was too good not to repost! Someone responded to the above question with:

Women have choices. Shaving is not obligatory. Women can wax, gnaw, pluck, scold, sear, shear, suck out, tear out, mow, scratch, plug, trim, trim with a hedge-trimmer, or blast out with dynamite all their hair they want to.

:lol:



yellowtamarin
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Sep 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,763
Location: Australia

02 Jan 2013, 7:33 pm

nessa238 wrote:
Any man who saw unshaved legs as a deal breaker isn't worth knowing

I think that's probably why the person wrote the question, so she can filter out these sorts of guys.

Remember these questions are written by other members, I'm pretty sure that's not one of the ones written by OkC staff. So a lot of them are of course going to be quite stupid :tongue:



Who_Am_I
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Aug 2005
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 12,632
Location: Australia

02 Jan 2013, 7:33 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
if a man prefers that a woman should shave her legs, there is probably a question for that somewhere. but you can still prefer it and not expect her to be obliged. it's basically asking whether it is an absolute sticking point or not - a dealbreaker. if it isn't a dealbreaker, it seems like a "no" would cover it. and if a person is unsure what "obligation" means, they shouldn't answer the question perhaps.


But even a dealbreaker isn't the same thing as an obligation. A guy could go "women don't have to shave their legs, but I wouldn't date one who doesn't".
Extroversion is a dealbreaker for me, but that doesn't mean I believe people are obligated to be introverts.


_________________
Music Theory 101: Cadences.
Authentic cadence: V-I
Plagal cadence: IV-I
Deceptive cadence: V- ANYTHING BUT I ! !! !
Beethoven cadence: V-I-V-I-V-V-V-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I! I! I! I I I


hyperlexian
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jul 2010
Age: 52
Gender: Female
Posts: 22,023
Location: with bucephalus

02 Jan 2013, 7:35 pm

Who_Am_I wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
if a man prefers that a woman should shave her legs, there is probably a question for that somewhere. but you can still prefer it and not expect her to be obliged. it's basically asking whether it is an absolute sticking point or not - a dealbreaker. if it isn't a dealbreaker, it seems like a "no" would cover it. and if a person is unsure what "obligation" means, they shouldn't answer the question perhaps.


But even a dealbreaker isn't the same thing as an obligation. A guy could go "women don't have to shave their legs, but I wouldn't date one who doesn't".
Extroversion is a dealbreaker for me, but that doesn't mean I believe people are obligated to be introverts.

true. the question is really more useful at weeding out people who don't see women as allowed to make decisions about their own bodies. for me, that would be the dealbreaker.


_________________
on a break, so if you need assistance please contact another moderator from this list:
viewtopic.php?t=391105


BanjoGirl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Mar 2012
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 644

02 Jan 2013, 7:39 pm

To oblige means to force. So those guys that answered "yes" consider that the legs of women have to be shaved, even against their will (it's "an obligation").


_________________
I don't use English since September 2007.