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Picky and alone.

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aspiemike
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18 Jan 2013, 12:52 am

I simply hate online dating for the most part. I get that initial excitement, but if there is no date/hangout within a certain time gap, I just lose all interest and stop communicating with that person. Things tend to get in the way that prevent things from getting started a lot of the time as well.
Aside from that, I can't say I have felt a spark until it was too late for some people. Only once in my life have I ever felt an instant spark with someone I met... that only lasted a week or so with that person and her actions afterwards left me feeling a lack of trust for women since.



The_Face_of_Boo
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18 Jan 2013, 2:38 am

ruckus wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
Interesting. Very interesting.

I almost never meet people in the "real world" so going with that avenue certainly makes it harder to even get a date, but I see what you mean about coming across that "spark" incidentally. It's just that these days you will rarely find me at a party, bar, etc. and unless I'm drinking, I think I'm fairly unapproachable (and I'm shy), so things just don't take off for me.

I don't have high hopes even for the first dates using online dating (maybe that's actually part of the problem?), and I try to meet up as quickly as possible, before I find out too much about them. I think my attitude is probably wrong though, because it's more of a "let's meet quickly cos we might not get along and we don't want to waste each other's time" attitude, rather than a "you seem great from what little I know so far, I can't wait to get to know you better in person!" attitude.

I'd say that's pretty much definitely a part of the problem! Maybe not the entire problem, but part of starting things off in a positive environment is having the positive attitude to go with it. Have you ever seen a profile that actually gets you excited?



No, I think she's doing it right, it's better to know the person face to face as quick as possible; that my online dating policy too, I don't build my hopes online.



J-Greens
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18 Jan 2013, 5:40 am

yellowtamarin wrote:
[
I don't really get excited about things, so no, but I won't meet someone unless I feel there is potential


You see, it's the attitude that's the problem. You're being so judgmental from just a cover, a resume, a headline that you won't take the positives and see where they develop, you focus on what you didn't like and then write off the positives. So frustrating. Be more glass half full, than glass half empty!



yellowtamarin
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18 Jan 2013, 6:23 am

J-Greens wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
[
I don't really get excited about things, so no, but I won't meet someone unless I feel there is potential


You see, it's the attitude that's the problem. You're being so judgmental from just a cover, a resume, a headline that you won't take the positives and see where they develop, you focus on what you didn't like and then write off the positives. So frustrating. Be more glass half full, than glass half empty!

Not sure how you got that from that quoted statement? I was trying to say there that it is not in my nature to get excited (about anything), but I do feel positive about meeting these people because I do feel there is potential.

I think I explained previously that most of my dates are fun, the people are nice, etc. etc. It's just the desire to see them again that is missing.



spongy
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18 Jan 2013, 6:35 am

yellowtamarin wrote:
J-Greens wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
[
I don't really get excited about things, so no, but I won't meet someone unless I feel there is potential


You see, it's the attitude that's the problem. You're being so judgmental from just a cover, a resume, a headline that you won't take the positives and see where they develop, you focus on what you didn't like and then write off the positives. So frustrating. Be more glass half full, than glass half empty!

Not sure how you got that from that quoted statement? I was trying to say there that it is not in my nature to get excited (about anything), but I do feel positive about meeting these people because I do feel there is potential.

I think I explained previously that most of my dates are fun, the people are nice, etc. etc. It's just the desire to see them again that is missing.


Dont meet someone if you arent interested on their description, chances are you wont be interested in them offline and thats just giving someone false hope.

I seem to recall you have several interests have you tried finding any activity group around those interests?
You could make some like-minded friends and maybe meet someone that you feel more connected too after a while(no need to rush things but if you see each other once a week/2 weeks/month/whatever you are likely to get to become quite comfortable among them and who knows what may happen)



The_Face_of_Boo
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18 Jan 2013, 6:38 am

yellowtamarin wrote:
J-Greens wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
[
I don't really get excited about things, so no, but I won't meet someone unless I feel there is potential


You see, it's the attitude that's the problem. You're being so judgmental from just a cover, a resume, a headline that you won't take the positives and see where they develop, you focus on what you didn't like and then write off the positives. So frustrating. Be more glass half full, than glass half empty!

Not sure how you got that from that quoted statement? I was trying to say there that it is not in my nature to get excited (about anything), but I do feel positive about meeting these people because I do feel there is potential.

I think I explained previously that most of my dates are fun, the people are nice, etc. etc. It's just the desire to see them again that is missing.



If this happening in countless frequency then.....
Are you sure you want/need a relationship? maybe what you need is simply flings/dates.



yellowtamarin
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18 Jan 2013, 6:41 am

spongy wrote:
I seem to recall you have several interests have you tried finding any activity group around those interests?
You could make some like-minded friends and maybe meet someone that you feel more connected too after a while(no need to rush things but if you see each other once a week/2 weeks/month/whatever you are likely to get to become quite comfortable among them and who knows what may happen)

Yeah that's another vote for looking outside of online dating. I probably should try to be more proactive in the real world. I have actually recently joined meetup.com so that's something. I'm not going to close my online dating account, but I think I'll try to put more effort in elsewhere as well.



yellowtamarin
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18 Jan 2013, 6:42 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
J-Greens wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
[
I don't really get excited about things, so no, but I won't meet someone unless I feel there is potential


You see, it's the attitude that's the problem. You're being so judgmental from just a cover, a resume, a headline that you won't take the positives and see where they develop, you focus on what you didn't like and then write off the positives. So frustrating. Be more glass half full, than glass half empty!

Not sure how you got that from that quoted statement? I was trying to say there that it is not in my nature to get excited (about anything), but I do feel positive about meeting these people because I do feel there is potential.

I think I explained previously that most of my dates are fun, the people are nice, etc. etc. It's just the desire to see them again that is missing.



If this happening in countless frequency then.....
Are you sure you want/need a relationship? maybe what you need is simply flings/dates.

I don't need a relationship, but I do want one. Flings/dates doesn't really work for me, that kind of lifestyle leaves me wanting something more meaningful.



The_Face_of_Boo
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18 Jan 2013, 6:43 am

yellowtamarin wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
J-Greens wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
[
I don't really get excited about things, so no, but I won't meet someone unless I feel there is potential


You see, it's the attitude that's the problem. You're being so judgmental from just a cover, a resume, a headline that you won't take the positives and see where they develop, you focus on what you didn't like and then write off the positives. So frustrating. Be more glass half full, than glass half empty!

Not sure how you got that from that quoted statement? I was trying to say there that it is not in my nature to get excited (about anything), but I do feel positive about meeting these people because I do feel there is potential.

I think I explained previously that most of my dates are fun, the people are nice, etc. etc. It's just the desire to see them again that is missing.



If this happening in countless frequency then.....
Are you sure you want/need a relationship? maybe what you need is simply flings/dates.

I don't need a relationship, but I do want one. Flings/dates doesn't really work for me, that kind of lifestyle leaves me wanting something more meaningful.



Ahhh.....you're aging :)



yellowtamarin
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18 Jan 2013, 6:47 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Ahhh.....you're aging :)

lol!



albeniz
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18 Jan 2013, 7:01 am

There is always speed-dating I suppose, combining online-dating and real-life dates. This may permit spark detection and those without spark you only need to put up with for a few minutes.



Vomelche
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18 Jan 2013, 2:46 pm

I am picky too and unsuccessful, guess there are no successful picky people. 8)

I find real world dating more effective than online dating too, since you can get to know people better. The hard part is making the approach once you like someone, but maybe that comes with practice.



rabbittss
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18 Jan 2013, 3:22 pm

I'm very picky but I've had some short lived successes and a couple of non-starters. It's hard to bounce back from failure in this particular arena though...

To be honest part of my problem is that I feel really bad about going up and talking to random people because I don't like to bother them.



ruckus
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18 Jan 2013, 7:13 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
ruckus wrote:
I'd say that's pretty much definitely a part of the problem! Maybe not the entire problem, but part of starting things off in a positive environment is having the positive attitude to go with it. Have you ever seen a profile that actually gets you excited?

No, I think she's doing it right, it's better to know the person face to face as quick as possible; that my online dating policy too, I don't build my hopes online.

Oh no, I completely agree with this. I usually try to meet up sooner rather than later, too. I'm talking about the fact that she doesn't seem all that interested in any of the people she meets up with. As somebody mentioned earlier, if there's nothing that gets you going in their online profile, wherein they (generally) put their best foot forward and show off their most desirable traits, then the resulting date is unlikely to inspire you, either.



yellowtamarin
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18 Jan 2013, 7:35 pm

ruckus wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
ruckus wrote:
I'd say that's pretty much definitely a part of the problem! Maybe not the entire problem, but part of starting things off in a positive environment is having the positive attitude to go with it. Have you ever seen a profile that actually gets you excited?

No, I think she's doing it right, it's better to know the person face to face as quick as possible; that my online dating policy too, I don't build my hopes online.

Oh no, I completely agree with this. I usually try to meet up sooner rather than later, too. I'm talking about the fact that she doesn't seem all that interested in any of the people she meets up with. As somebody mentioned earlier, if there's nothing that gets you going in their online profile, wherein they (generally) put their best foot forward and show off their most desirable traits, then the resulting date is unlikely to inspire you, either.

I think my attitude is more about being realistic rather than not being interested. I date people who I am genuinely very interested in, but I don't feel overly optimistic that anything will come of it, based on past experience. I think I've made it sound like I go into dates all negative but I really don't, just not overly positive! I'm positive about meeting the person, but not so optimistic about the chances of "this one" being a keeper. Not sure if I'm really making much sense :P



ruckus
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18 Jan 2013, 9:15 pm

yellowtamarin wrote:
I think my attitude is more about being realistic rather than not being interested. I date people who I am genuinely very interested in, but I don't feel overly optimistic that anything will come of it, based on past experience. I think I've made it sound like I go into dates all negative but I really don't, just not overly positive! I'm positive about meeting the person, but not so optimistic about the chances of "this one" being a keeper. Not sure if I'm really making much sense :P

Well that's good then! That sounds like a healthy attitude. I guess your best bet then is to expand your horizons beyond online dating, as others have suggested.