The_Face_of_Boo
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Age: 42
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Posts: 33,043
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
06 Mar 2013, 10:39 am
Quote:
Geekonychus wrote:
If you guys want to know the number one reason you can never get laid or find a girlfriend, all you need to do is look at the general attitude of this thread. If you carry around this much resentment towards women it's bound to rub off on the few you interact with in real life, regardless of whether you realize it or not. If you refuse to aknowledge the role misogony plays in your insecurites, nothings going to change.
I don't think the issue is so much about them (AS men) being clueless. I think the issue is more about making a social feuxpah (as most people including NTs do occasionally) but then rather than learning from the mistake they blame the Woman and stubbornly defend the action. The social rules may not make sense to them, but there's no reason they can't be learned. Unfortunetly, some people are just too stubborn.
Listen to Sandra, guys...........She's trying to help you.
[/quote]
Tyri0n wrote:
Given what I've observed of AS males who do and say very inappropriate, sexist things and then seem clueless about their mistakes, I'm more likely to believe that FNORD did something terrible he either isn't aware of or won't admit than that the receptionist was vindictive. Of course, the latter is possible. Women can be evil, as can men. But my observations tell me that the former is much more likely.
I don't think the issue is so much about them (AS men) being clueless. I think the issue is more about making a social feuxpah (as most people including NTs do occasionally) but then rather than learning from the mistake they blame the Woman and stubbornly defend the action. The social rules may not make sense to them, but there's no reason they can't be learned. Unfortunetly, some people are just too stubborn.
Listen to Sandra, guys...........She's trying to help you.
[/quote]While this is true for some users on this forum, I can't see how your post or Sandra's are related to the topic, no one here bashed women or blamed the victim (unless fnord's story is false).
Most posts here were points of how to avoid being accused of harassment.
06 Mar 2013, 11:00 am
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Quote:
Geekonychus wrote:
If you guys want to know the number one reason you can never get laid or find a girlfriend, all you need to do is look at the general attitude of this thread. If you carry around this much resentment towards women it's bound to rub off on the few you interact with in real life, regardless of whether you realize it or not. If you refuse to aknowledge the role misogony plays in your insecurites, nothings going to change.
I don't think the issue is so much about them (AS men) being clueless. I think the issue is more about making a social feuxpah (as most people including NTs do occasionally) but then rather than learning from the mistake they blame the Woman and stubbornly defend the action. The social rules may not make sense to them, but there's no reason they can't be learned. Unfortunetly, some people are just too stubborn.
Listen to Sandra, guys...........She's trying to help you.[/quote]
Tyri0n wrote:
Given what I've observed of AS males who do and say very inappropriate, sexist things and then seem clueless about their mistakes, I'm more likely to believe that FNORD did something terrible he either isn't aware of or won't admit than that the receptionist was vindictive. Of course, the latter is possible. Women can be evil, as can men. But my observations tell me that the former is much more likely.
I don't think the issue is so much about them (AS men) being clueless. I think the issue is more about making a social feuxpah (as most people including NTs do occasionally) but then rather than learning from the mistake they blame the Woman and stubbornly defend the action. The social rules may not make sense to them, but there's no reason they can't be learned. Unfortunetly, some people are just too stubborn.
Listen to Sandra, guys...........She's trying to help you.
[/quote]While this is true for some users on this forum, I can't see how your post or Sandra's are related to the topic, no one here bashed women or blamed the victim (unless fnord's story is false).
Most posts here were points of how to avoid being accused of harassment.
It doesn't necessarily refer to this thread specifically but perhaps this forum in general. There are countless threads like this one refering to issues with interacting with woman and they all have the same subtext. It isn't so much as seeking real advice so much as validation of thier own behavior.
Take this thread for example. In his defense, the OP actually made this thread with the intent of dispensing good advice and he did, however much of the thread is men relating thier experience as "victims" of sexual harrassment suits and generalizing the attitudes of woman in the workplace. When an actual woman posts in the thread and calls this out she's treated as an angry radical feminist and accused of being drunk...........
How is someone supposed to get better with women if they refuse to listen to the advice of a woman? Sandra may be blunt, but her points are very sound.
06 Mar 2013, 11:05 am
06 Mar 2013, 11:21 am
Venger wrote:
Geekonychus wrote:
How is someone supposed to get better with women if they refuse to listen to the advice of a woman? Sandra may be blunt, but her points are very sound.
See now you're accusing her of smoking blunts instead of drinking booze. lol
I'm also accusing her of popping her colla' while kicking it "old skool" up in this hizzle....... Just wait till she pulls out her chrome 45 and and goes gangsta on some sexist asses.
06 Mar 2013, 11:25 am
06 Mar 2013, 11:37 am
06 Mar 2013, 11:40 am
Tyri0n
Veteran
Joined: 24 Nov 2012
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,879
Location: Douchebag Capital of the World (aka Washington D.C.)
06 Mar 2013, 11:43 am
06 Mar 2013, 11:45 am
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,043
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
06 Mar 2013, 11:48 am
Geekonychus wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Quote:
Geekonychus wrote:
If you guys want to know the number one reason you can never get laid or find a girlfriend, all you need to do is look at the general attitude of this thread. If you carry around this much resentment towards women it's bound to rub off on the few you interact with in real life, regardless of whether you realize it or not. If you refuse to aknowledge the role misogony plays in your insecurites, nothings going to change.
I don't think the issue is so much about them (AS men) being clueless. I think the issue is more about making a social feuxpah (as most people including NTs do occasionally) but then rather than learning from the mistake they blame the Woman and stubbornly defend the action. The social rules may not make sense to them, but there's no reason they can't be learned. Unfortunetly, some people are just too stubborn.
Listen to Sandra, guys...........She's trying to help you.[/quote]
Tyri0n wrote:
Given what I've observed of AS males who do and say very inappropriate, sexist things and then seem clueless about their mistakes, I'm more likely to believe that FNORD did something terrible he either isn't aware of or won't admit than that the receptionist was vindictive. Of course, the latter is possible. Women can be evil, as can men. But my observations tell me that the former is much more likely.
I don't think the issue is so much about them (AS men) being clueless. I think the issue is more about making a social feuxpah (as most people including NTs do occasionally) but then rather than learning from the mistake they blame the Woman and stubbornly defend the action. The social rules may not make sense to them, but there's no reason they can't be learned. Unfortunetly, some people are just too stubborn.
Listen to Sandra, guys...........She's trying to help you.
[/quote]While this is true for some users on this forum, I can't see how your post or Sandra's are related to the topic, no one here bashed women or blamed the victim (unless fnord's story is false).
Most posts here were points of how to avoid being accused of harassment.
It doesn't necessarily refer to this thread specifically but perhaps this forum in general. There are countless threads like this one refering to issues with interacting with woman and they all have the same subtext. It isn't so much as seeking real advice so much as validation of thier own behavior.
Take this thread for example. In his defense, the OP actually made this thread with the intent of dispensing good advice and he did, however much of the thread is men relating thier experience as "victims" of sexual harrassment suits and generalizing the attitudes of woman in the workplace. When an actual woman posts in the thread and calls this out she's treated as an angry radical feminist and accused of being drunk...........
How is someone supposed to get better with women if they refuse to listen to the advice of a woman? Sandra may be blunt, but her points are very sound.
I was talking how the thread was going before sandra's comment.
And even the reactions to Fnord's story, none had women-bashing.
b9 has a girlfriend and ex's and he doesn't have a history of women-bashing or sexism on this forum, he never even complained about women once, his attack was a reaction to her post.
Sandra's message was clear: "This thread is a women-bashing thread, and all you males who contributed in this thread are contributing in women-bashing."
That included you, the OP, b9, mike.... all males here.
Tyri0n has no history of women-bashing.
You don't have a history of women-bashing.
Not sure of GiantHockeyFan but his post was the following:
GiantHockeyFan wrote:
For me, the best thing is to avoid talking to women my own age (say 20-35) except to say "hello". Apparently no matter how kind I am or how considerate I try to be, women my age seem to think I'm sexually harassing them which as anyone who knows me can tell you could not be further from the truth.
I once said to a very shy, timid girl with who a picture posted in front of me how beautiful she looks in that picture and she later (informally) reported me for it. WTF? If some random girl gives me a compliment on how strong I look for example, I'd be over the moon no matter who they were!
I once said to a very shy, timid girl with who a picture posted in front of me how beautiful she looks in that picture and she later (informally) reported me for it. WTF? If some random girl gives me a compliment on how strong I look for example, I'd be over the moon no matter who they were!
He's talking about his experience with the women, he didn't bash them.
Fnord might have a history of women-bashing like Sandra is claiming but his post in this thread was:
Fnord wrote:
The general rules are: Don't speak to them; Don't look at them; and Don't touch them / Keep your distance.
Ignore them, even when they say, "Hello" first (just say, "Hello" if you have to, but keep doing what you're doing).
If they need help with something at work, focus on the task, and then go your separate ways when the task is finished.
Carry a book or manual with you at all times, so that when you're in their presence with nothing to do, you will at least have something to stare at besides them.
Make no comments about or to them. If pressed for an opinion by a third party (who is likely trying to stir up trouble), just say "She seems nice" and leave it at that.
Ignore them, even when they say, "Hello" first (just say, "Hello" if you have to, but keep doing what you're doing).
If they need help with something at work, focus on the task, and then go your separate ways when the task is finished.
Carry a book or manual with you at all times, so that when you're in their presence with nothing to do, you will at least have something to stare at besides them.
Make no comments about or to them. If pressed for an opinion by a third party (who is likely trying to stir up trouble), just say "She seems nice" and leave it at that.
They are (extreme) points of how to avoid being accused.
Bluemax has a history of bitterness about his experience with women, but his particular posts here weren't women-bashing.
BlueMax wrote:
Philosoraptor wrote:
This sounds more like tips on how to avoid persecution by the Spanish Inquisition. 
It's what the "civilized" world has become...
[grumbling]those-gawdamn-oversensitive-manipulating-razzinfrazz...
"Free speech for me - but not for thee!"
I'd better add that Tyrion's right about not maxing sexual comments - period. That won't stop troublemakers from stirring the pot, but it'll leave you blameless.
clonazep isn't even a frequent user here but his post was about his experience, he didn't bash them.
clonazep wrote:
I have a bad habit of reaching out to squeeze people's arms if they're sitting or standing near me. I have enough restraint that I never do it with strangers, although it still happens occasionally with friends and family. Actually my experience with women is usually the exact opposite problem: I rarely smile at them, much less touch them, and I think frequently they get the impression I'm being cold. One girl once grabbed me by the shoulders and told me to lighten up when I was just sitting quietly. I try not to use profanity around women, though again frequently they themselves swear like sailors and sex all the time (and with men and women).
minervx often sounds like a macho in the tips he gives but he never blamed, bashed or attacked women. He often blames the men instead.
minervx wrote:
Yeah, comments about a woman's appearance, such as "you're beautiful" and the like can be taken in two ways.
1. you are desperate and willing to flatter your way to her approval
2. it's code language for "hi, lets have sex".
How a woman responds to what you say depends on a lot of factors.
If she finds you good looking, she will be more permissive. If she is busy or in a bad mood, she will be less permissive.
Overall, how you carry yourself. If you are confident, genuine, and cool about things, it's different than if you are unsure, creepy or socially awkward.
1. you are desperate and willing to flatter your way to her approval
2. it's code language for "hi, lets have sex".
How a woman responds to what you say depends on a lot of factors.
If she finds you good looking, she will be more permissive. If she is busy or in a bad mood, she will be less permissive.
Overall, how you carry yourself. If you are confident, genuine, and cool about things, it's different than if you are unsure, creepy or socially awkward.
mikibacsi1124, not a so frequent user here but his post has zero women-bashing.
mikibacsi1124 wrote:
This seems like a catch-22 though. I've been given advice from NT friends stating that if I don't make some attempt to show interest (i.e. flirting, compliments, light touching), I'll be sure to get cast off into the "friend zone". I guess the best suggestion would be to simply back off if it doesn't go well, and try to keep things as subtle as possible. But of course, we as aspies tend to struggle with subtletly and don't always get hints...
aspiemike is in fact successful in getting dates and has no history of women-bashing or sexism, his post was totally harmless to women.
aspiemike wrote:
I got a great rule for all of you to avoid any harassment charges:
Have a smile on your face and make an attempt to make eye contact to say hello to them... If they are not smiling or they aren't paying attention to you, walk past them and simply leave them alone. Problem solved.
Have a smile on your face and make an attempt to make eye contact to say hello to them... If they are not smiling or they aren't paying attention to you, walk past them and simply leave them alone. Problem solved.
mds_02 is a NICE GUY, I don't recall he ever bashed anyone on WP. He just talked about his experience here.
mds_02 wrote:
ShamelessGit wrote:
Several of you basically accused Fnord of lying when you didn't know anything about the situation. I don't think that's fair.
Agreed.
For what it's worth Fnord, I completely believe you. I've had something very similar happen to me, also involving someone I never interacted with beyond an occasional "hello" or "good morning."
My own post:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Another point should be added to the OP's post.
Do not act like the women in the workplace! Do not be perfect egalitarian in your behaviors unless you are an obvious and known case of effeminate and homosexual guy.
If they swear and use sex terms, do not swear like them, if they touch, do not touch like them! Women can get away with such things that you ,as a male with a dick and balls, can't.
Do not act like the women in the workplace! Do not be perfect egalitarian in your behaviors unless you are an obvious and known case of effeminate and homosexual guy.
If they swear and use sex terms, do not swear like them, if they touch, do not touch like them! Women can get away with such things that you ,as a male with a dick and balls, can't.
This was purely directed toward men, advising them things that they should be aware of since high school, boys simply cannot act with girls like girls act with each other because this will cause them a lot of troubles, it's the reality.
As for Shau, regardless how true his story is, he only bashed his bro's gf and the some maliciously-minded women.
Shau wrote:
mds_02 wrote:
ShamelessGit wrote:
Several of you basically accused Fnord of lying when you didn't know anything about the situation. I don't think that's fair.
Agreed.
For what it's worth Fnord, I completely believe you. I've had something very similar happen to me, also involving someone I never interacted with beyond an occasional "hello" or "good morning."
Once upon a time, my bro was dating this f***ing psycho chick, and they got into an argument. He decided that he had enough and said he was going to go home, but then...
...she threatened to hurt herself and then tell the cops that he beat her if he tried to leave. Those of you who know anything about NZ know that men are pretty much guilty until proven innocent in these kind of affairs so it was a serious threat. Believe it or not, this kind of sh** is not just "victim blaming". Bearing false witness is as old as the Ten Commandments, you'd be a goddamn fool to think that some maliciously-minded women don't exploit the system to their advantage.
As for those trying to figure out the motive behind the receptionist's actions? Do you think there needs to be one? Now it could be true that Fnord is full of sh** or is leaving out key details, but there are people out there who will ruin your entire goddamn life because of a petty thought passing through their horrible little minds. If you don't believe this, then I truly envy your sheltered, sheltered little lives.
b9's post had no women-bashing either.
SO WHERE IS THE WOMEN-BASHING HERE??? LOL
aspiesandra27 wrote:
Women bashing. Don't you just love it? Just as bad as men bashing for other reasons. For people who are allegedly ore prone to being discriminated against, all of you who put women as bad apples all in the same basket, should be proud of yourselves!
Fnord's post always have a way of putting women down one way or another.
I take people for who they are. I certainly would never consider someone saying "good morning" to me in a workplace as harassment. There *has* to be more to it than that, and if there isn't he should have appealed or asked for clarifications.
I have recently had a legitimate sexual harassment case at work, and by another woman!! ! It went on for some time and I was so mortified I didn't even know what to think. Until I spoke about it with other people and they told me that was unacceptable. But does that mean I am going to think *all* women are like that?
And because there *are* more men who are inappropriate with me, am I just going to assume they*all* are? No.
So stop playing the victims, and speak on a case to case basis, and not put women all in the same category.
Fnord's post always have a way of putting women down one way or another.
I take people for who they are. I certainly would never consider someone saying "good morning" to me in a workplace as harassment. There *has* to be more to it than that, and if there isn't he should have appealed or asked for clarifications.
I have recently had a legitimate sexual harassment case at work, and by another woman!! ! It went on for some time and I was so mortified I didn't even know what to think. Until I spoke about it with other people and they told me that was unacceptable. But does that mean I am going to think *all* women are like that?
And because there *are* more men who are inappropriate with me, am I just going to assume they*all* are? No.
So stop playing the victims, and speak on a case to case basis, and not put women all in the same category.
At first I thought this post was just direct to Fnord.
but then she went on:
aspiesandra27 wrote:
Why don't we all make a petition to put all women back in the kitchen where they belong? Only allowed out if escorted by a male, and gagged so there won't be anything inappropriate coming out of her mouth?
Let's not give them to right to vote or to an education. Women have had it so easy after all.
How come you lot never have a good word to say about *any* women?
Hmmmm...just says more about *you* than it does about the women imo.
Let's not give them to right to vote or to an education. Women have had it so easy after all.
How come you lot never have a good word to say about *any* women?
Hmmmm...just says more about *you* than it does about the women imo.
That was obviously directed to males here and putting us all in the same basket of "sexist men who want to put all women back to stone age".
Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 06 Mar 2013, 12:01 pm, edited 2 times in total.
06 Mar 2013, 11:51 am
06 Mar 2013, 11:52 am
06 Mar 2013, 11:59 am
Geekonychus wrote:
BlueMax wrote:
Agreed. Plus, it was fairly obvious we were all talking about the (thankfully!) few who are downright psychotic and evil.
Sandra's an awesome gal - this is uncharacteristic of her so I presume she's having a rotten day. (I've had 'em too.)
Sandra's an awesome gal - this is uncharacteristic of her so I presume she's having a rotten day. (I've had 'em too.)
She must be having a rotten day so therefore there is no validity to her arguments? How is that not misogynistic? Dismissiing legitimate advice by labeling it "radical feminist" isn't going to get you the respect of most women, FYI.
So now I'm a misogynist, eh? Whose ass are you kissing for bonus points?
She didn't have an "argument" - it was a rant against woman-bashing. Nor did I call her a feminist, radical or otherwise.
Your accusation has no validity.
06 Mar 2013, 12:02 pm
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,043
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
06 Mar 2013, 12:02 pm
06 Mar 2013, 12:03 pm
IrishTusk wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Quote:
i looked away and scratched the back of my neck, and he asked me what was wrong, and i said "sorry, i never knew you were gay", and then he said "i'm not gay!! !" and i was bewildered. i said "but you must be gay to have a boyfriend", and she said "what? i'm a girl!" and i said "ok, i guess you still look like a boy (assuming he was in the process of changing gender)", and she said "what do you mean "still", and i said "are you undergoing a sex change?" and she told me that she was born a girl and was always a girl and she was very upset that i thought she was a male for the many years i spoke to her.
i do not know why i thought she was a male really. she had a females voice and a feminine face, but she had short hair and was a mechanic and was often dirty so i assumed she was a male.
i do not know why i thought she was a male really. she had a females voice and a feminine face, but she had short hair and was a mechanic and was often dirty so i assumed she was a male.
DafuqThat isn't AS that is stupidity
I was thinking something along the same lines myself
I find it ridiculous how a lot of people seem to expect men and women to exhibit a very stereotypical gender presentation and if they do not they seem to get all confused as to what their gender is but there will in reality be a million clues in their face and demeanor to make it fairly obvious!
It's called gender policing and it's pretty obnoxious behaviour in my opinion
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